I'm sure most of you have measured your IQ from time to time.
However, have you ever wondered about your DTQ (Doug and Toomy
Quotient)? If so, here's your chance to find out. Simply answer the
following questions, add up your scores and check to find out your
DTQ.

1. You are a professed environmental activist. Where do you source
your food?

a) I grow most of it myself, and buy what I can't grow myself from
local organic farmers' markets
b) I buy must of it from independent retailers and farmers' markets
c) Tesco

2. What do you think of Miles Cooper?

a) He's a pyschotic nut who is in prison, where he belongs
b) Who is Miles Cooper?
c) He's a motorist terrorist

3. Does the following sentence make any sense: "TfL tried to keep
congestion charge increases total CO2 in London"

a) Yes
b) A bit
c) No

4. How may types of ozone are there?

a) 1
b) I never got the hang of chemistry
c) 2 - good and bad

5. Do increased fuel prices affect you?

a) Yes
b) No idea
c) I am not a motorist, so no

6. A group of animal rights activists firebomb a childrens' nursery.
What is your reaction?

a) They are total scum, who belong in jail
b) None
c) They are heroic freedom fighters, who are forced to use violence as
they are denied a voice in our sham democracy

7. How many litres are there in 0.108 cubic metres?

a) 1.08
b) I can't do these newfangled metric units
c) 108

8. You decide to order a new Ford pickup truck. Which model do you
specify?

a) A V8
b) Don't mind, so long as it is red
c) A Hemi

9. As a professed environmental activist, where do you live?

a) In a small market town with good public transport connections
b) In a cul-de-sac in the suburbs
c) In the middle of Britain's largest and most polluting city

10. What is the price of bottled water in relation to petrol?

a) Irrelevant
b) Cheaper
c) More expensive

SCORING
1 a) 5 b) 10 c) 15
2 a) 5 b) 10 c) 15
3 a) 15 b) 10 c) 5
4 a) 5 b) 10 c) 15
5 a) 5 b) 10 c) 15
6 a) 5 b) 10 c) 15
7 a) 15 b) 10 c) 5
8 a) 5 b) 10 c) 15
9 a) 5 b) 10 c) 15
10 a) 5 b) 15 c) 10

50-70: you are nowhere near achieving Toomy- or Doug-hood - you may as
well forget it.

71-90: you are pretty bright. Try surgically removing 98%% of your
brain, and take the test again.

91-110: you are averagely Toomy and Dougish.

111-130: not a bad effort, but a course of mercury and lead tablets
for a few weeks should improve your score.

131-149: an excellent result - you are well on your way to total
retardedness.

150: you are Toomy or Doug AICMFP