> Up and coming Lao American writer (wanna-be) Bryan Thao Worra, from
> Minnesota, goes on a racist rampage, against his own. Whatever his aim
> was, it is neither satirical nor funny. What it does do is give
> legitimacy to the very stereotypes he is attempting to satirize or
> poke fun of.
>
> Come to think of it, and while he's at it, Mr. Thao Worra might as
> well add his own name as an entire category of Asian "wackos", which
> he is trying to paint with this piece of garbage, I mean, writing.
> Check it out.
>
> http://www.tripmastermonkey.com/archives/news_views/april_24_2007_aian_groups.ph...
>
> Who's Next, Hello Kitty?
>
> The stereotype of the meek and mild Asian may be a thing of the past.
> What's the next wacko demographic?
>
> By Bryan Thao Worra
>
> Date posted: April 24, 2007
>
> THIS WAS THE YEAR when Asian-American men shot the hell out of their
> own wimpy, well-behaved stereotype. We're talking of course about the
> Krazy Korean Killer, Seung-Hui Cho, and Kenneth "Asian Supremacist"
> Eng. As with postal workers, drive-by shooters, road ragers and
> bullied goth kids, these things tend to come in waves. Always on the
> cutting edge, Tripmaster Monkey lays down the odds on who's snapping
> next.
>
> Hello, Kitty: Sanrio's depressed character, Badtz Maru is the one
> everyone assumes will be the one to go postal, but we disagree and
> nominate the do-no-wrong princess herself. Oh, Hello Kitty, sure,
> you've got lots of friends, but you're always the quiet one in the
> bunch. No one sees the Hello Kitty that cries inside desperately for
> attention, do they? You're always saying hello to everyone, even
> complete strangers. How soon before you snap? Faster, Pussycat, Kill,
> Kill! Odds: 4:1.
>
> Harajuku Girls: They're packing heat behind those smiles. One day
> they'll break free of Gwen Stefani and they're gonna do more than just
> hollaback, girl. Odds: 8:1.
>
> Nail-Salon Ladies: Wouldn't handling people's feet all day long while
> being treated like a pre-ball Cinderella drive you nuts? And it
> doesn't help that these gals have been the butt of a lot of stand-up
> comedy routines lately. And have been getting smacked around by hip-
> hop divas. Society's only advantage is the the fumes from the nail
> polish keep most of them in a drugged, if cranky, stupor. Our odds:
> 9:1.
>
> Thai Scrabble Champions: Not on the same level of nuttiness as Asian-
> American English majors, but they can spell Uzi and Kalashnikov like
> nobody's business. 10:1.
>
> Tila Tequila: When she figures out that having lots of MySpace friends
> doesn't really translate into record sales or election votes, just
> STDs, she'll be gunning for you. She did say, "I. Will. Fuck. You.
> Up." Odds: 12:1.
>
> French Lao Rappers: Because anyone who raps in French and Lao is
> seriously O.G., yo. Odds: 15:1.
>
> Chinese Delivery Men: Given a rising spate of murders over the last
> few years, we wouldn't be surprised if these guys are delivering a
> different version of the War Bar to you sometime soon. And they'll
> have a getaway bicycle nearby. The current strike in NYC means some of
> them have a lot of time to be pent-up. Here's a hint: Be a good
> tipper. Odds: 15:1.
>
> Tech Support: Your buddy in the cubicle who's spending more time
> looking at the Heckler & Koch website than playing solitaire and
> watching YouTube? He needs watching. Odds: 20:1.
>
> Angry Asian Adoptees: Here's a hint, within 10 years, rebel Maddox and
> Pax and the rest of Angelina's Benetton bunch will be the least of our
> worries. China, Vietnam, Cambodia or Korea, take your pick, if you
> dare. Odds: 20:1.
>
> Filipino Airport Workers: "Look, lady, I can read. It says 'fragile.'
> I know what 'fragile' means. I'm not some illiterate peasant from
> Mindanao. I'm not some Marcos flunkie. Do you know how many goddamn
> people come up to me every day like I don't know which way is up? I'm
> sick of it. Like I'm not going to drop-kick your suitcase full of
> 'fragile' heirlooms as soon as I go behind the black-rubber door. Have
> a nice flight now!" Odds 25:1.
>
> Korean-American Shopkeepers: We know they're packing heat, and they've
> shot people before, but they haven't gone on a rampage. Yet. Still, we
> say avoid shops where the owners have pictures of Charlton Heston on
> the wall. Odds: 50:1.
>
> Hmong Hunters: Frankly, they already shot their load, speaking both
> figuratively and literally, in the 2004 case when a Hmong hunter
> opened fire on six hunters in Wisconsin. There remains a high
> incidence of gun ownership, however, so we could be wrong. Odds: 75:1.
>
> Math Nerds: If you've got three guns, and 92 bullets, and you fire at
> a rate of 3 bullets per minute, how many minutes do you have before
> the cops arrive? The ever-unpopular Asian-American math nerds have it
> all figured out already! But they're out of shape, and hard to pry
> away from Grand Theft Auto. Odds: 100:1.
>
> The bottomline, dear non-Asian readers, is don't ever tell an Asian
> person in America to "Go back to China" or use any of the following
> Asian fightin' words. You have been warned.
>