A Look Into An Asian Marriage/Family
By R Tyler Copyright 01/14/'08
P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763
oldservant@gmail.com, oldeservant@excite.com

Howdy Folks!
I saw the Blockbuster DVD "Raise the Red Lantern" by Zhang Yimou that
caused so much controversy in China. It deals with the polygynous
Chinese family of a very rich man who had four wives during the late
1800s. It could be used as an excellent anti-polygyny film since it
shows how to have a miserable polygynous marriage, where the wives/
concubines are the most miserable of all. It really shows the grossly
inferior status of women and wives in much of Asia, the Mid East and
Africa, wherever the Christian principles that teach respect and kind
compassionate cherishing Love for women had not been taught
effectively, had not had a major impact on the culture.

Of course the rich husband in China at that time had the final say on
all affairs, the women having few legal rights and control only of
their own living area and servants. The husband had the traditional
right to discretely kill with impunity any of his wives who were
unfaithful or seriously betrayed the family. The women could leave the
"castle" for shopping, and could run away if they had help and money
enough to get out of that city.

The husband's failure to help each wife have a meaningful and
productive life in his absence resulted in too much idleness, and that
idleness gave rise to harmful mischief. The principle of purposeful
and meaningful activity for a wife when not with her husband was not
observed.
" 4and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
5to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to
their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled" Tt 2 ESV
We know that Christian wives, when free of work, family and home
making duties, should be actively involved in some of the good works
described in Matt 25 and Isa 58 as she is able and has opportunity:
"untying the straps that bind people to oppresive yokes,
freeing the oppressed from oppression,
breaking the heavy burdens of hurting people,
sharing your food with the hungry.
giving drink to the thirsty,
finding adequate shelter for the homeless,
clothing those who need clothing,
loosening from people the chains of crippling wickedness,
freeing those involuntarily enslaved,
saving children and women from sex slavery,
taking care of the sick,
helping those in prison,
delivering the innocent from false accusations,
meeting the needs of the needy,
seeking justice for the oppressed,
helping the blind,
protecting the poor and homeless,
taking care of needy orphans and widows,
and trying to stop evil doers from doing evil to others"

It was obvious that the husband failed to unselfishly and
compassionately cherish his wives with the Love Jesus calls us to
live, as He supernaturally works and wills it in and through us (Eph
5; 1 Cor 13; Phil 2:13).
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church
and gave himself up for her, . . . 28 In the same way, husbands should
love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife
loves himself. . . . 33Each of you, however, should love his wife as
himself, and a wife should respect her husband." NRSV Enabled by Jesus
we know we Love and are Loving when we Love with a Love that is
patient and kind, which knows neither envy nor jealousy, not self-
advancing and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited; which does
not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out
in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs; which finds no pleasure in
injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth; which
knows how to be silent, is full of trust, full of hope, and full of
patient endurance.

It was obvious that the husband did not live wisely and with
understanding with his wives, honoring and respecting them as co-heirs
of eternal life in Christ and recognizing the natural inclination of
the woman to insecurity in the marriage, especially the older they
get. "2: 19 For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one
endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. 20 For what credit is it if,
when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do
good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the
sight of God. 21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also
suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in
his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his
mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he
suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him
who judges justly. . . . 3:7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives
in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker
vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that
your prayers may not be hindered." 1 Peter ESV

On the other hand, the wives may have feared the husband but obviously
they did not, sincerely from the heart and mind, honor and respect
their husband.
"33 Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife
should respect her husband." Eph 5 NRSV According to Strong's
Concordance and Thayers Lexicon the word translated "respect" means
"reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential
obedience" on an ongoing and continuing basis. The wives may have
shown and acted out reverence, veneration, deference and reverential
obedience to him, but to varying degress it was not a heart felt
sentiment for him. Many Western women seriously err here, buying into
the world's thinking that the husband has to earn or deserve their
respect. They are in the sin of leaning to their own understanding
(Prov 3:5,6). As is made clear in Rom 13, we are commanded by Jesus
to not only show respect and honor to those God has placed in
authority over us (cops, soldiers, judges, marshalls ,sheriffs etc),
but we are to do it sincerely and in humble obedience to Jesus even if
the cops is crooked, the judge is corrupt, the marshall breaks the
law, or the sheriff accepts bribes. Through the Apostles and Paul in
Rom 13, the Spirit instructed God's children to subject themselves, to
not resist,
and honor wickedly evil rulers like Pilate, Herod, Nero, Hitler,
Stalin and Idi Amin.
"17 Honor everyone. Love the family of believers. Fear God. Honor the
emperor." 1Peter 2 NRSV
While we are required to honor even evil rulers, acting respectfully
towards them,
we are also required to expose to them their sin (Eph 5:7,11) and warn
them of the righteous judgment of God on all sin and those who reject
Jesus (Colos 1:28).

Obviously some of the wives were enemies to each other more than
others, but the way the husband played them of against each other,
they were certainly rivals. Obviously the wives did not respond to
these "enemy" wives as Jesus directs us to respond. Obviously they did
not wish their rivals well, did not willingly live in harmony, were
not humble, did not avoid vengeance, did not willingly seek to live in
peace with each other, were not sincerely kind continuously to each
other, did not regularly seek to do good to each other, and did not
treat each other as they wanted to be treated.
"14 Bless those who persecute you. Keep on blessing them, and never
curse them. . . . . 16 Live in harmony with each other. Do not be
arrogant, but associate with humble people. Do not think that you are
wiser than you really are. 17 Do not pay anyone back with evil for the
evil, but focus your thoughts on what is right in the sight of all
people. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live in peace
with all people. 19 Do not take revenge, dear friends, but leave room
for God's wrath. For it is written, "Vengeance belongs to me. I will
pay them back, says the Lord." 20 But "if your enemy is hungry, feed
him. For if he is thirsty, give him a drink. If you do this, you will
pile burning coals on his head." 21 Do not be conquered by evil, but
conquer evil with good." Rom 12 ISV "27 "But I say to you who are
listening: Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. 28 Bless
those who curse you, and pray for those who insult you. 29 If someone
strikes you on the cheek, offer him the other one as well, and if
someone takes your coat, don't keep back your shirt either. 30 Keep
on giving to everyone who asks you for something, and if anyone takes
what is yours, do not insist on getting it back. 31 Whatever you want
people to do for you, do the same for them." Luke 6 ISV

There was no grievance procedure for these wives for when the felt
wronged by their husband. In the Christian family Jesus gave us a
grievance procedure, for wives and for husbands, which is as follows:
"24 A servant of the Lord must not argue. Instead, he must be kind to
everyone, teachable, willing to suffer wrong, 25 and gentle in
refuting his opponents. After all, perhaps God will allow them to
repent and to come to a full knowledge of the truth, 26 so that they
might escape from the devil's snare, even though they have been held
captive by him to do his will." 2 Tim 2 ISV
"1 Brothers, if a person is caught doing something wrong, those of you
who are spiritual should restore that person in a spirit of
gentleness. Watch out for yourself so that you are not tempted as
well." Gal 6 ISV
"15 "If your brother sins against you, go and [kindly, gently, humbly]
confront him while the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you
have won back your brother. 16 But if he doesn't listen, take one or
two others with you so that 'every word may be confirmed by the
testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If, however, he ignores
them, tell it to the congregation. If he also ignores the
congregation, regard him as a Gentile and a tax collector." Mat 18 ISV

The husband responded to his wife's infidelity in an ungodly manner.
Instead of having her killed for her adultery, instead of being hard
hearted (Mark 10) and divorcing her, the godly way to handle
infidelity is as follows, if the "grievance procedure" given above
does not result in her genuinely sincere godly repentance, forsaking
the adultery and being reconciled in the marriage:
"1It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you,
and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles--
that a man has his father's wife! 2And you are puffed up, and have not
rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away
from among you. 3For I indeed, as absent in body but present in
spirit, have already judged (as though I were present) him who has so
done this deed. 4In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are
gathered together, along with my spirit, with the power of our Lord
Jesus Christ, 5deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the
flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord
Jesus. . . . 11But now I have written to you not to keep company with
anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an
idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner--not even to
eat with such a person. " 1 Cor 5 NKJV

After joining with other believers, united in the Spirit, to deliver
to Satan the body of the unrepentant professing Christian caught in
the snare of sex sin, it is possible to not eat, hang out with or
sleep with a sinning mate without divorcing them. The Christian wife
has the separation option give in 1 Cor 7:10,11,39; but the husband
has no such option. As married people know well, it is possible to
live in the same house together without eating together, sleeping
together or spending time with each other, even if it means you have
to put a lock on a bedroom or attic door to keep the one snared in sex
sin from entering the bedroom/attic room and disturbing the one who
has been betrayed and offended. 2 Cor 7 describes godly sorrow and
repentance and 2 Cor 2 describes how the offended and the offender are
to be reconciled after such godly sorrow and repentance.

Because of the culture shock of polygyny to the western/American mind,
please be reminded that just after Jesus-Jehovah gave the ten
commandments to Moses in Ex 20, in Ex 21 He regulated polygyny for
Israel:
"7 When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go out as
the male slaves do. 8 If she does not please her master, who has
designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He
shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has
broken faith with her. 9 If he designates her for his son, he shall
deal with her as with a daughter. 10 If he takes another wife to
himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital
rights. 11 And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall
go out for nothing, without payment of money." Ex 21 ESV
Again in Deut 21 we see Jesus-Jehovah regulating polygyny for Israel
under the Law:
"15 "If a man has two wives, the one loved and the other unloved, and
both the loved and the unloved have borne him children, and if the
firstborn son belongs to the unloved, 16 then on the day when he
assigns his possessions as an inheritance to his sons, he may not
treat the son of the loved as the firstborn in preference to the son
of the unloved, who is the firstborn, 17 but he shall acknowledge the
firstborn, the son of the unloved, by giving him a double portion of
all that he has, for he is the firstfruits of his strength. The right
of the firstborn is his" Deut 21 ESV.
And finally in Ezek 23 we see Jesus-Jehovah portraying Himself as a
polygynist:
"1 The word of the Lord came to me: 2 "Son of man, there were two
women, the daughters of one mother. . . . 4 Oholah was the name of the
elder and Oholibah the name of her sister. They became mine, and they
bore sons and daughters [to me]."

One may ask about King David's and King Solomon's polygyny. King
Solomon sinned in two ways in his polygyny. He multiplied wives to
himself (Deut 17:17) and he married unsaved and ungodly women (Prov
5:20; 1 Kings 11:1-3;Ezra 9:1,2). David is a different case. While
Jesus-Jehovah rebuked and punished David for his adultery with Bath-
sheba, while David had more than six wives (2 Sam 2:2; 3:2-4; 12:7,8),
Jesus-Jehovah blessed and put His seal of approval on David (1Chron
17). Obviously David's adultery and David's polygyny are quite
distinct and different in the eyes of God. From Deuteronomy and
Revelations we know that God's curse is on those who add their word to
the Word of God, and from Mat 13 and Mark 7 we know Jesus condemns
those who teach their own word instead of the Word of God, so one must
be very careful about declaring polygyny to be sin when the Word of
God does not do so.

Finally, we know that today the word regulating the official and
public practice of polygyny in America is the Word in Romans 13, where
we in America are instructed to obey the laws of the land, America, As
St. Augustine said, where the law prohibits the public and official
practice of polygyny, it would be a sin, the sin of disobedience, for
a child of God to publicly and officially practice polygyny. In
countries where the public and official practice of polygyny is legal,
polygynists are still bound to observe the Word in Romans 14, here
paraphrased for application:
'1As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel
over opinions. . . . 13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one
another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block
or hindrance in the way of a brother. 14 I know and am persuaded in
the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean
for anyone who thinks it unclean. 15 For if your brother is grieved
by [your polygyny you] are no longer walking in love. By what you
[do], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. 16 So do not let
what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of
God is not a matter of [monogyny or polygyny] but of righteousness and
peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever thus serves Christ is
acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 So then let us pursue what
makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20 Do not, for the sake of
[polygyny], destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but
it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he [does]. 21
It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything [including
polygyny] that causes your brother to stumble. 22 The faith/
conviction that you have [about living in polygyny], keep between
yourself and God [privately and discretely]. Blessed is the one who
has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. 23 But
whoever has doubts [about what he does] is condemned if he [does it],
because the [doing] is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed
from faith is sin. '

http://groups-beta.google.com/group/PGChristianLivingIssues
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Best_Way_to_Live

THE ISSUES INVOLVING BIBLICAL POLYGYNY

Another Word regulating the practice of polygyny is 1 Cor 10, again
paraphrased for application:
'23 "All things are lawful," but not all things are helpful. "All
things are lawful," but not all things build up. 24 No one should
seek his own benefit, but the benefit of his neighbor. 25 [Practice
any legal form of marriage you wish] without raising any question on
the ground of conscience. . . . 27 If one of the unbelievers invites
you to [a public and official polygynous wedding] and you are disposed
to go, [partake in the event] without raising any question on the
ground of conscience. 28 But if someone says to you, "[The public and
official practice of polygyny is illegal here]," then do not [attend]
it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for the sake of
conscience-- 29 I do not mean your conscience, but his. For why should
my liberty be determined by someone else's conscience? 30 If I partake
with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of that for which I give
thanks?
31 So, whether you [practice monogyny or polygyny], or whatever you
do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense to Jews or to
Greeks or to the church of God, 33 just as I try to please everyone in
everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that
they may be saved.'

The Word for those who are convinced by the Spirit and the Word of God
that the private and discrete or secret practice of polygyny is
acceptable to Jesus where the official and public practice of polygyny
is illegal, the Word is again Rom 14: 1As for the one who is weak in
faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. . . . 19 So then
let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. 20 Do
not, for the sake of [your polygyny], destroy the work of God.
Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another
stumble by what he [does]. 21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine
or do anything [including public polygyny] that causes your brother to
stumble. 22 The faith/conviction that you have [about living in
polygyny], keep between yourself and God [privately and discretely].
Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for
what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts [about what he does] is
condemned if he [does it], because the [doing] is not from faith. For
whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.'

Biblical polygynists know that they are required to teach the whole
Word of God, including what the Bible says about polygyny, and they
also know that
they should carefully and diligently avoid quarreling or arguing about
polygyny, especially with those who believe differently.
Rom 14: 1 As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to
quarrel over opinions.
2 Tim 2:4 And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to
everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his
opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance
leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may escape from the
snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

The Biblical principle of the wife having sexual authority over the
body of her husband (1 Cor 7:1-5) was not in effect in this movie. The
wives had to compete to have the husband spend the night with them,
and the wife with sons had preferential treatment. The husband
obviously did not observe the principles given in Ex 21("10If he takes
another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing,
or her marital rights." ESV). Those Ex 21 principles indicate that if
Bubu was having marital intimacy and dates with Daisy Mae three nights
a week before he "married" Ella, then he would continue having three
nights of intimacy and dates with Daisy. If he was having three nights
of marital intimacy and dates with Daisy and three nights with with
Ella when he "married" Beulah, then he should not diminish his time
iwth Daisy and Ella, leaving one night and two afternoons for Beulah.
Now if Bubu was as rich as the Chinese husband in the DVD, he could
marry Ishma, and set aside three afternoons to have marital intimacy
and dates with Ishma without diminishing his time with his other
"wives". This might work for a young man, and even a physically fit
man through his fifties, but after that with the body weakening there
would probably be less sex and more affectionate touching and
caressing. If the wife is younger, the wife would probably have to do
more "wife on top" sex with her husband since he had been weakened by
age.

The principle of each wife having her own living quarters was observed
by the Chinese husband, but the wives/concubines lacked kitchens in
their own quarters so they often had to eat together and it made it
easier for one wife to mess with the food of another wife. That is
not a good arrangement. As anthropologist Bohanan indicates, the
polygyny that has been found to be most successfull around the world
is the polygyny where each wife has her own kitchen, living room,
bedroom and bathroom, all under her own control.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Poly_Polygamy_Polygny_And_Jesus
118- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyPolygamyPolygnyNJesus
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PolyOption4ChristiansWithSTDs/
13- http://groups-beta.google.com/group/BiblicalChristianPolygamyPolygyny
120- http://groups.msn.com/OrthodoxBiblicalPolygamy
http://community.eons.com/groups/group/women-sharing-one-man-maritally
http://www.flickr.com/groups/396188@N24/ - - - - public
http://groups.myspace.com/BiblicalChristianPoly
http://en.netlog.com/clan/PolygamyPolygynyJesus
http://polygynouschristians.multiply.com/