Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical
logic. This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%%? Ever wonder about
those people who say they are giving more than 100%%? We have all been to
those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%%. How about
achieving 103%%? What makes up 100%% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+ 7+5 = 96%%

But ,

Alan King being Jewish, this is one of his funnier pieces that, although a
little long in the tooth, is both timeless and hilarious. Certainly it's
much more laugh-inducing than most of the dreck I've been reading here
lately.

Anyway, it'll top off your weekend, so enjoy..........

http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=902

(from DQ)

IDIOT SIGHTING

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that
one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the
opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears
made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you
need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said,
'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..' We haven't used Sears repair
since.

IDIOT SIGHTING AT MCDONALDS

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the
clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She
said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you
can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager
who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the
quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.'
The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change. Do not
confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING

he Wrestling Match

An Israeli and an Russian wrestler were set to square
off for the Olympic gold medal.
Before the final match, the Israeli wrestler's
trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all
the research we've...

I heard, on NPR, that by 2015, demographers expect minorities to be in the
majority in the US. In other words, if 95%% of the students in an elementary
school are African-American or Hispanic, they will still be "minority"
students.

I would like to thank the demographers, the African-Americans and the
Hispanics for having replaced me as a minority member. It has been a long
haul, from having gone to a university with a 9%% Jewish quota to having been
called "you people" by ignorant Southerner in the Army to being told that
"Hebrews" do not go into certain professions to being grouped as a "honky"
by Farrakhan's Flowers of Islam.

So when a "white" (an inaccurate term because I am usually light pink in the
winter and pinker in the summer) Jewish voter is counted, he or she no
longer represents the opinion of the minority.

Shehechiyanu .............

Leon

Over at s.c.j.m, a discussion of what Maimonides said or didn't say is going
on.

But here, mentioning Maimonides reminds me of an anecdote they tell about
that physician, philosopher, sage and Jewish scholar.

A woman came to his medical office, saying, "My husband has running sores.
What can I do for him?" Maimonides told her he must look at the sores before
he can prescribe, and added, "Until the sores clear up, you must not have
sexual relations with him."

The next day the man came to Maimonides, furious. "I was in the Marathon and
my sandals were too tight, leaving me sores from running in them. Why did
you tell my wife not to have sexual relations with me?" Maimonides mumbled
something about having to go to the fishmonger to get a herring for lunch
and left the man in his office.

Leon

Attorney General Cuomo, in order to rack up some votes for the next
elections, somehow forced the MAJOR ISP;s - TimeWarner, Comcast, etc
to remove child pornographic sites from their Newgroups.
Instead,seizing a golden opportunity to rid themselves of all
newsgroups .
- rather than kill the individual pornographic sites they simply
closed access to ALL Newsgroups.
They also have the impertinance not to reduce our monthly bill in the
face of reduced service,
I pointed this out to my Attorney genral, Mr. Cuomo, and his attitide
seems to be "so what"he next time I vote for him will be when he runs
for the office of Chicken Collector for the Local Shoyhecht.
Dave Herbach

I just heard on the news that there is no Hamm at this year's Olympics.
Does that mean that they're Kosher Games??

And ....

First INDYMAC died.

Then BERNIE MAC died.

what's next??

BIG MAC ???

just askin'

Gem found on http://notalwaysright.com :

When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)
Kosher Deli | Iowa, USA

(Keep in mind, this is a kosher deli.)

Customer: "Can I get a ham sandwich, please?"

Me: "Well, sir, we donÂ’t serve ham."

Customer: "No ham? What do you have then?"

Me: "Well, we have turkey, roast beef, corned beef, and pastrami..."

Customer: "But no ham?"

Me: "No, sir, no ham."

Customer: "What? Do you have a thing against ham or something?"

Me: "Actually... yes, we do."

I'll be here long after Leon is gone because
the good die young and I am my father's son.

I need a word. Years ago a woman used a word
that sounded like Pots-ski and said it meant
excessive ornate. I can't find that word in
any Yiddish dictionaries. Can anyone help me?

Dick