The Pope and Hillary Rodham Clinton are on the same stage in front of
a huge crowd. 'Her Majesty' and His Holiness, however, have seen it
all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the senator says
to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand,
I can make every Democrat in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture
and cheering from every democrat in the crowd. Gradually, the
cheering subsides

The Pope, not wanting to be out done by such a level of arrogance,
considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know
that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in
the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display
like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and
they will forever speak of
this day and rejoice."

The senator seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of
your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.

Recently President Bush said each one of us would get a $600.00 tax rebate.
It was previously slated to be $800.00, but they dropped it to a $600.00 tax
rebate because of various budget problems.

Now, if we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China; if
we spend it on computers, most of the money will go to Korea or India. If
we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs . . . and none of these
scenarios will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . . . so the only way to keep
that money here at home is to drink beer, gamble, or spend it on
prostitution. Currently it seems that these are the only businesses still
left in the U.S.

--
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This joke's link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/08/Mar/rebates.html

CNN reports that the president believes the Fed is doing a great job.

Uh oh. Now I'm really worried.

In fact, this is how the last 2 weeks have been. I just got off the phone
with a Project Manager who actually said the following to me. I wrote it
down; it's verbatim.

"As far as I know, there will be no more unplanned surprises this week."

Right. Well. That sure makes me feel better.

--
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This joke's link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/08/Mar/week.html

It is difficult to know with any certainty what anyone does in their
private life, particularly if one doesn't live with them.

But still, I feel absolutely confident in saying that, out of all the men
in the world, Elliot Spitzer did not get any nookie last night!

--
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This joke's link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/08/Mar/spitzer2.html

Love Client #9
(Sung to the tune of Love Potion #9)

I took my troubles down to Washington
You know that town where you can pay for fun
The Emperors Club made a mighty fine dime
Sellin' little Kristen to
Love Client Number Nine

I told her that I was a flop with chicks
I'd been this way since my election was fixed
She looked at my cash, the receipt she did sign
She said, "Let me call you
Love Client Number Nine"

She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink
She said, "We're gonna do it right here on the sink"
But let us first get loose with a very stiff drink
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I didn't think

A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

Jake is five and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book
and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"

Deep breath... "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"

...and so it does...

" A f r i c a n Elephant "

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

--
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Please don't send us requests of the form, "could you please send me the
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This joke's link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/08/Mar/elephant.html

Rec.humor.funny is seeking a new person to moderate the newsgroup. That
means reading through joke submissions, picking the best, and putting them
in a queue for posting to the newsgroup. The postings also appear on the
web site automatically.

Jim Griffith, the current moderator, has decided to move on after over
a decade of service -- the longest of anybody -- to the newsgroup.
He was just getting too many newsgroupies and wants to settle down. :-)

RHF was created in 1987 and quickly became the most popular newsgroup on
USENET. While USENET's prominence on the internet has waned, RHF continues
to have a large readership both there and on the web, where the web site
receives around a million page views per month from 80,000 to 100,000 unique
users. It's still a large quota of net fame. A more detailed history
of the newsgroup can be found at http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/history.html

The original moderator, Brad Templeton, still publishes the
newsgroup and hosts the group and web site. From 1992 to 1995, Maddi
Hausmann was moderator, and Jim took over from 95 to 2008.

The following skills are needed for the moderator:

a) A good sense of humour! You must be able to spot good jokes from
among the turkeys.

President Bush has announced far and wide that Congress failing to extend
his warrantless wiretap authority will have dire consequences.

And look! Already, spy satellites are falling from the sky!!!

--
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Remember: Only ONE joke per submission. Extra jokes may be rejected.
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This joke's link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/08/Mar/wiretap.html