> our closest living relatives are chimps, bonobos, and gorillas.
> ==================================
>
> Does this explain my sometimes overwhelming desire for monkey sex?
>
> OK, for the first time, I reveal the true story of the decent of man.
>
> We are all descended from short dick monkeys.
>
> There were mutations and some monkey boys were born with dicks that were
> shorter than their brothers ... the dicks were so short that they could not
> suck their own dicks like their longer dicked brothers. These monkeys
> became bored watching the other monkey boys sucking their own dicks, so they
> descended from the trees.
>
> As they roamed far and wide, they discovered such things as wheels ... they
> returned to the jungle to show their longer dicked siblings their wheels.
> They stood at the bottom of the trees and shouted, "Look a wheel!" They
> were confronted with indifference ... the monkeys in the trees were quite
> content with eating bananas and sucking their own dicks. They had no
> further ambitions.
>
> And so it went through the discovery of levers and inclined planes and all
> the other early scientific accomplishments ... each was presented to the
> tree monkeys with long dicks and each was rejected as anything that would be
> of interest to them. They could suck their own dicks and their food grew on
> the trees ... what more did they need ... why would they care.
>
> Opposable thumbs eventually allow a sort of self-abuse for the short dick
> monkeys, but it never was a sufficient substitute for being able to suck
> their own dicks. The rest is history.