> Review of Teams
>
> Easy - Team Manly Pink
> *Dan Hibiki, Street Fighter series, Marvel versus Capcom 2
> *Kirby, Nintendo, Super Smash Bros. Melee
> *Luigi, Nintendo, Luigi's Mansion (equipment: flashlight, Poltergust
> 3000, Game Boy Horror)
>
> Medium - Team Unfair Advantage
> *Seta Soujirou, Rurouni Kenshin, post Kyoto
> *Snake, Metal Gear Series, post Sons of Liberty (equipment: tranq gun,
> cardboard box, cigarettes)
> *Zhuge Liang, styled Kongming, Dynasty Warriors series, circa Battle of
> Chi Bi (starting
> stats and weapon, no extra equipment)
>
> Hard - Team Pyrrhic Victory
> *Alexander Anderson, Hellsing, post anime debut
> *Legato Bluesummers, Trigun, right before he snuffs it in the anime
> *Xelloss, Slayers Try, post series
>
> ---
>
> Prelude
>
> The door opens before I can insert my key and I blink as I see a
> smiling Xelloss greet me. "Hello again! I hope next year you move into
> a bigger apartment, especially if you're going to do three teams!"

> Little did I know that this would be the beginning of a long, long
> seven days.
>
> (Assuming Japanese manga-Marller below.)
>
> ---
>
> Easy Mission - Save the Cosplay Catpeople!
>
> Curse me and my affinity for felines.
>
> Those of you following along at home knows the story by now, right?
> Crazy otaku guy, a list of increasingly bizarre demands, and a roomful
> of hostages--of which I am one, because Xelloss somehow finagled me
> into it. (Although I have to admit I was rather flattered when my
> guests unanimously declared that I was "socute".)
>
> My 'reward' for making a snarky remark at my captor is to bring the
> list of demands to the negotiator at the door, who is standing
> alongside my team. I'm not going to question the logic of what they're
> doing there--I need them to get me (and the rest of the hostages, of
> course) out of there.
>
> I. Team Manly Pink

>
> II. Omake - Team Unfair Advantage

>
> III. Omake - Team Pyhrric Victory
> (In reality, this would most likely end in complete disaster, but I'm
> an immature sore loser, so.)
>
> Xelloss just smiles his eerie smile at me when I approach. "I think
> it's time to collect on the loan of goodwill you've been taking out
> over the past few years, don't you think?"
>
> Sigh, I must be some sort of masochist for picking this team. "I'm all
> for repaying debts, but what about Belldandy?"

> ---
>
> Medium Challenge - Thwart Marller!
>
> After the catpeople crisis is averted, I decide to tackle finding
> Marller next--while she does like antagonizing the Goddesses, she
> generally doesn't show up until after her nefarious plans have
> succeeded, Belldandy has vague senses of a bigger threat looming; I
> would have enough trouble solving that particular challenge without
> demonic interference. I gather my team and we head out, a plan of
> action slowly forming in my mind.
>
> I. Omake - Team Manly Pink
> (Wow, Dan and Luigi actually get to be useful! Hurrah! XD)

> II. Team Unfair Advantage
> (Ooh, this one might actually be the hardest challenge from a technical
> point of view!)

> III. Omake - Team Pyhhric Victory
> (Dude, Marller doesn't stand a chance.)

> "But where's the fun in that?" Xelloss makes a melodramatic gesture.
> "I was all looking forward to the Judas Priest here being transformed
> into the Popemobile!"

> ---
>
> Hard Challenge - Save the Spider, Save the World!
>
> "You do realize you've just introduced a time paradox," I mutter,
> pinching the bridge of my nose. "But you're right, that thing does
> need to be stopped." I draw in a long breath. "Boy, this isn't going
> to be fun."

> "Time paradox?" Hiro repeats, before he understands what I'm talking
> about. "Oh, no! I may have jeopardized the very future I wish to
> save!"

> "It depends on how the rules work where you're from, I suppose." I pat
> him on the shoulder. "But let's not worry about the implications until
> after we kick his butt."
>
> I. Omake - Team Manly Pink
>
> Do I really even need to 'fic about the disaster that ensues? Kirby
> (and Hiro, if he's in a condition to help) are the only ones who stand
> any kind of chance against the giant robot, and after that, I have no
> idea how to deal with Carnage-Spidey. Maybe if we can find someplace
> that has some serious high-end audio equipment, Dan can taunt Carnage
> into submission? And perhaps the Poltergust 3000 can suck up and hold
> an alien symbiote?
>
> Right, and I'm the tooth fairy.
>
> To review: Robot destroyed, yes. Carnage defeated, a very big maybe.
> Spidey saved, I'd say no.

> II. Omake - Team Unfair Advantage
>
> A giant nuclear robot piloted by a superhero possessed by an alien
> symbiote? Sounds like Snake's kind of day! Except he doesn't have any
> weapons other than the tranq gun, so we'll have to detour somewhere and
> get Snake a weapons permit. Hopefully I can find my gun fanatic
> buddies and have them put together an arsenal that works.
>
> Battoru for Everlasting Peace goes here! Kongming, as usual, provides
> tactical and occasional laser support (Koei, how I love thee, let me
> name the ways). Soujirou is fast enough to take out the
> Carnage-possessed Spidey, and if Hiro is able to help as well, then he
> might be able to time-freeze Carnage before he skip hosts.
>
> To review: Robot destroyed, yes, because Snake is made of win like
> that. Carnage defeated, yes. Spidey saved, maybe.

> III. Team Pyhrric Victory
> (Ahaha. Um. I'll let you decide the fate of the world on this one.)
>
> "Oh, my. What brilliant plan do you have this time?" Xelloss ponders,
> looking rather disturbingly happy. Anderson's already charged ahead to
> do battle with the robot, destroying whatever happens to be in their
> path.
>
> "Well, Anderson's bound to win sooner or later, and he'd probably be
> able to take on Carnage-Spidey too." I finish running scenarios in my
> head and come to a decision. "And after that, it's just a matter of
> who Carnage gets to first." I am gambling on the fact that my teammates
> hate each other enough to destroy the possessee, but a handful of
> deaths was preferable to the world going into a nuclear winter.
>
> Xelloss reads my mind and raises an eyebrow. "Aren't you worried that
> we're going to thwart your plans?"
>
> I shrug. "Well, serves me right for running up your tab, right?"
>
> After one Exciting Battle Sequence that I'm too lazy to describe, the
> giant robot is scrap and Carnage-Spidey decends on the scene, pissed
> that someone dared to interrupt his fun.
>
> "Can't let Mr. Anderson there have all the fun," Xelloss mused. He
> smiled at Legato. "Shall we dance?"
>
> "All you need to do is subdue Spiderman, not kill him!" I reminded him
> as he took off.
>
> "Well, nonlethal force would be more challenging." Xelloss smiled
> again. "Leave it to me."
>
> I follow along behind surrepticiously. By the time I get there, poor
> Spiderman has been beaten within an inch of his life, and Carnage is
> sloughing off him, unable to believe that it has lost.
>
> I draw in a breath. Well, only one shot at this, after all.
>
> Xelloss makes no effort to stop me as I make my move, just smiling his
> enigmatic smile. "See you next year, Miss Warner."
>
> With one fantastic lunge, Carnage attempts to possess Legato, but I
> leap into his path--
>
> Was the world saved? Who knows? Who cares?
>
> This body isn't as powerful as the old one, but beggars can't be
> choosers, after all. And there seems to be some sort of hidden power
> called "Meta" that needs to be looked into.
>
> Oh, and one more thing.
>
> Bill? We need to talk~~