> Before I started writing this review, I put up a Lexan shield, I put
> on a Redman suit, and I put on the strongest, bullet-proof steel cup I
> could find. Reviewing Star Wars movies always lands me in trouble. I
> reviewed Phantom Menace for an apa I was writing for at the time (I
> thought it was lame), and got into a feud with the central mailer that
> lasted until the group went under. I reviewed Attack Of The Clones
> for my old web page (I thought it was weak), and got nailed by
> Netizens. In short, if there is ANY review I write that I'm expecting
> to inspire backtalk from the troops, it's this one.
>
> Star Wars has always struck me as the strangest movie death spiral I
> have ever seen. I don't buy the whole, "You were a kid when you saw
> the first Star Wars, so you can't feel the magic like that again,"
> that people invariably trot out. I consider the first two, New Hope
> and Empire, to be cinematic classics, from the cinema verite
> atmosphere of many of the scenes to Lucas' directing knowing just what
> to do in a given scene. In NH, Han and Leia's future was spelled out
> in the trash compactor scene, when after it is shut down, the camera
> cuts to a short but very visible view of Han and Leia hugging each
> other warmly. (I'm not as impressed with how Joseph Campbell-ish the
> first series was. Considering Campbell helped with the story outline,
> of course it's going to be Campbell-ish.) But with Return Of The
> Jedi, things went horribly askew. Some great stuff was still there.
> The scene where that AT-AT comes out of the forest was amazingly
> chilling. The Skiff battle over the Sarlac pit. Luke's final battle
> where he was dueling more with temptation than with Vader or the
> Emperor. The way a simple change in angle and lighting made Vader's
> mask express sorrow, remorse, and anger during the face-off with the
> Emperor. But it was drowned by a wave of questionable choices. The
> gravitas of the situations was gone, starting with high-ranking Rebel
> officers going on a purely personal rescue mission of Han Solo.
> Everyone has already picked apart the whole Ewok thing. Lame humor
> and cliched plot devices. Yoda suddenly sounding like Super Grover.
> Boba Fett died for a burp joke. The list goes on and on.
>
> The subsequent movies, including the remixes (a.k.a. Special
> Editions), only reinforced the idea that Lucas was more interested in
> showing off visual effects than telling stories. With Clone Wars,
> Lucas has abandoned storytelling all together. As executive producer,
> he has some say in how things take shape. When it comes to art,
> people make what interests them. People learning to cook can't wait
> to try their favorite recipes. Fanboys can't wait to draw their
> favorite super heroes. Here, Lucas has approved an art style where
> only pre-existing models he's created look good, any human element or
> fantastic new world gets the short end of the stick.
>
> This is supposedly a pilot for a Star Wars TV series. Whatever. It
> takes place after AotC but obviously before RotS. The plot is kind of
> a grab bag. At its most basic, the son of Jabba the Hutt has been
> kidnapped, and the Jedi are on the case. But the actual storyline
> bobs and weaves all over the place, trying to keep you guessing with
> twists and turns. Compared to the "Whadyamean, it's not over yet?!?"
> expertly utilized by Christopher Nolan in The Dark Knight, the film is
> busy but not exactly engaging.
>
> It really is a letdown. I wasn't dazzled by the space fights or Jedi
> battles, I was bored silly. They felt more like they were holding up
> the movie from going through its plot points (at over two hours long,
> a little tightening would have been nice). The living creatures look
> ridiculous in the art style. In fact, the whole movie looks like it
> was made toys instead of an artistic style. The movie features a lot
> of elements of Golden Age sci-fi. The movie doesn't start off with a
> crawl but with an Omniscient Narrator bringing us up to speed. When
> Anakin contacts "Commander Cody", I actually said aloud, "You have GOT
> to be kidding me!" And once again, the Secret Passage That
> Conveniently No One Else Knows About is introduced again.
>
> By the way, a quick note about character creation. When the Gungans
> in PM showed up, I saw why people said they were insulting to African-
> Americans, but I cut Lucas some slack as he wasn't insulting anyone,
> he was trying to create an alien race that worked for the movie. When
> the Trade Federation ambassadors talked like the announcers on Banzai,
> I saw why people said they were insulting to Asians, but I cut Lucas
> some slack as he wasn't trying to insult anyone, just make a race that
> sounded alien without falling back on the old, "good guys have
> American accents, bad guys have British accents" thing. But even the
> most forgiving, lenient, or apologetic movie viewer will find their
> brains doing a kernel panic the first time they see and hear Zero The
> Hutt. And that's all I'm going to say on the subject.
>
> Part way through, I started identifying things that seemed to be
> inspired by other media. The Spider Droids made me think of
> Octorocs. Covert troopers had me thinking of Halo, which borrows a
> lot from Star Wars itself (speaking of series that borrow heavily from
> Star Wars, I think I recall a couple of starfighters looking vaguely
> like Arwings from StarFox, but don't hold me to that). In fact, the
> movie itself feels like a video game demo, complete with characters
> explaining the goal for the next level...I mean, the next part of the
> plot.
>
> The little things continue to bug me. The droids communicating
> aurally instead of electronically. Humor with strange subjects, like
> the lead droid telling a literally fallen comrade, "Get back up
> here." R2D2 doing his King Of The Rocketmen routine (and there's that
> Commander Cody memory set again....). The "clones" having different
> hair colors, styles, etc. The banter between Anakin and his trainee
> (why exactly did she wait so long to blow the shield generator?).
>
> With a little less running time and a little more freshness to the
> script, not to mention going in a different direction instead of
> trying to incorporate Star Wars elements, Clone Wars could have been a
> perfectly acceptable, maybe even fun sci-fi adventure like Ice
> Pirates. Instead, it comes nowhere near the first two movies. Let's
> just hope that, when Lucas decides to actually do those other three
> movies he denies he ever meant to make (movies making more money at
> the box office that Star Wars seem to trigger his filmmaking desires,
> and now Dark Knight has joined Titanic as being ahead of Star Wars),
> he gets back to what made the movies so engaging -- the characters,
> not the visuals. The steak, not the sizzle.