1. Every take-off is optional, every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick
all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying is not dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous!
4. High speeds are not dangerous. Coming to a sudden stop is dangerous!
5. It is always better to be down here, wishing you were up there, than
up there wishing to be down here!
6. The only time you have too much fuel on board, is when you are on fire.
7. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the airplane, used to
keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot
start sweating.
8. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided
with the sky.
9. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great'
landing is one after which they can use the airplane again.
10. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to
make all of them yourself.
11. You know you have landed with the wheels up if it takes full power
to taxi to the ramp. ...

Wanna have fun? click on:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~npjdjong/index.html

Two men were riding a motorcycle on a windy winter day. When it became too
windy for the passenger, he put his jacket on backwards to keep the wind
from blowing it open. A few miles down the road, the motorcycle hit a tree,
killing the driver instantly and stunning the passenger. Later, when a
detective visited the scene, he asked a policeman standing nearby what
happened. "Well," the officer replied, "one of them was dead when I got
here, and by the time I got the other one's head straightened around, he was
dead, too."

Mr. Mistery.

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De man was de computer aan het installeren en de vrouw stond er
belangstellend bij. Op een gegeven moment vroeg de computer "Password". De
man , een beetje melig typte : "Penis".
De vrouw kwam niet meer bij toen op het scherm de tekst verscheen: "To
short".

funraiser

we measure the depth of the well by the length of the handle of the pump.

Your Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year to take our annual senior
citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important
as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's
important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use
it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge
your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

Take the test presented here to determine if you're
losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't
see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your
mind and begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up
now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk"
What do cows drink

Google laat internetters nu ook gesproken tekst doorzoeken
http://tweakers.net/nieuws/55730/google-laat-internetters-nu-ook-gesproken-tekst...

Het staat er niet, maar ik zie er nu al de humor van in. Spraakherkenning is

Uit
http://www.nrc.nl/buitenland/article1988152.ece/Minirokken_leiden_tot_verkeerson...

Volgens Buturo is het lastig om op de weg te blijven letten als iemand naakt
rondloopt. "Als je dat ziet ga je op iemands make-up letten in plaats van op
de weg", zei hij tegen een groep journalisten. "Je kunt tegenwoordig moeders
en dochters niet meer uit elkaar houden; ze lopen allemaal halfnaakt rond."

Als /ik/ bloot zie, dan ga ik niet op make-up letten, maar zie ik juist wel
het verschil tussen "moeders en dochters".

Zou deze minister blonT zijn? Heimelijk homo?

Drei Frauen im Gemueseladen.
Die erste : "Geben Sie mir bitte die Gurke da, die lange duenne!"
Die zweite: "Ich moechte die dicke, kurze haben."
Die dritte schliesslich meint: "Geben Sie mir auch bitte eine
Gurke,
egal was fuer eine, ich brauche sie fuer den Salat!!!"

Nou vooruit dan...
Hier de vertaling.

Drie vrouwen bij de groenteboer.
De eerste : "Ik wil graag die komkommer, die lange dunne!"
De tweede : "Voor mij graag die dikke korte."
de derde tenslotte : "Doe mij ook maar een komkommer, maakt niet uit wat
voor één, ik maak komkommersla!!!"

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Two bats were hanging upside down, next to each other... 'You know what I'm
dreading as I grow old?' asked one. 'No, what's that?' 'Incontinence!'

Mr. Mistery.

Wanna have fun? click on:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~npjdjong/index.html

Q. What should you do if you get an e-mail with the subject
"Nude pictures of Sarah Palin"?

A. Whatever you do, don't open it! It could contain a computer virus!

Q. What should you do if you get an e-mail with the subject
"Nude pictures of Hillary Clinton"?

A. Whatever you do, don't open it! It could contain nude pictures of
Hillary Clinton!