I'm voting Republican because freedom of religion is fine as long as the
religion you want to freely exercise is the same as mine.

I'm voting Republican because it's a sign of weakness to admit it when you
go to war by mistake.

I'm voting Republican because we won't run out of oil for another 20
years, but I might get hit by a DUI tomorrow.

I'm voting Republican because I believe you can keep executing criminal
convicts after learning some of them are innocent and still be "pro-life",
as long as you also believe a woman who can't safely carry a fetus to term
should be allowed to die.

I'm voting Republican because I believe that each of the 350,000
individual Americans working for my multinational employer can
independently reach a fair and mutually-beneficial agreement on our
working conditions without government intervention - and that each of the
millions of our customers can also reach fair agreement.

I'm voting Republican because I believe three or four flattopped elitist
conservatives need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to ensure
people have the rights my preacher thinks they should have - no more and
no less.

I'm voting Republican because I think it's safer, easier, and cheaper
to hunt down the terrorists after they become terrorists, instead of
avoiding creating terrorists in the first place. And because I think my
Colt has the ability to detect that the guy next to me is a terrorist &
plans to use his to hijack our plane.

I'm voting Republican because I believe the gay guy around the corner will
go straight if we increase his taxes.

I'm voting Republican because I believe oil companies' profits of 4%% on a
gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas
at 15%% and giving the money to my neighbor's construction company isn't.

I have arrived at this new way of thinking by removing half of my brain.
Seems to be the latest craze. Makes ya wonder how anyone would EVER vote
Republican, now doesn't it?