Charmless?

A new book shreds the image of Baltimore, lumping
it with the worst cities in America

by John Woestendiek, Baltimore Sun reporter
November 27, 2006

Baltimore? Dave Gilmartin clearly has yet to "Get
in on it."

Contrary to the city's new tourist slogan,
contrary to its being named last year as one of
the top 10 summer travel destinations in the
world, and maybe just plain contrary, Gilmartin
has proclaimed Baltimore one of "The Absolutely
Worst Places to Live in America."

His new book by that name trashes 50 cities he
says range "from the truly miserable to the just
plain awful," all of which were nominated and
voted on over the Internet.

Far from scientific, the author admits, the book
is intended as satire - a send-up of all the best-
places-to-live lists, magazine articles and
almanacs. Still, it doesn't pull any punches,
borders at times on scathing and, even before its
release late last month, had caused hurt feelings
from Georgia to South Dakota.

The book offers the following in its profile
of "Charm City," underneath a photo of
a "Greatest City in America" bench in a trash-
strewn lot:

Actually Charming: No

Ideal for: Black Market Gun Dealers ... Drug
Runners, TV Cops.

Cultural Highlights: Auto Theft, STD Clinics,
Getting Mugged on the Steps of Your Own Home,
Overpriced Crabs ...

It doesn't get any better after that for what
once called itself "The City That Reads" (but
might change its mind after this book).

Just who is Dave Gilmartin, and why is he saying
these terrible things?

His publicist at St. Martin's Press calls him "an
expert on sprawl, crime, boredom, and ugliness"
who "traveled the country in search of the very
worst towns and cities in America."

In reality, "Dave Gilmartin" is a pseudonym being
used by a 30-year-old New York advertising
copywriter - raised in South Jersey, schooled at
a Boston-area (but not Harvard) university - who
admits to never setting foot in many of the
cities and towns included in the book.

He said he doesn't have to go to Detroit to know
that it stinks. "I think enough evidence exists,"
he said in an interview.

Both Gilmartin and his publicist declined to
reveal his real name, which he says he wants to
keep secret for his own safety.

Even before its release last month, the book had
stirred up reaction on Internet forums in
Georgia, home of three towns named in the book.
The mayor of Mitchell, S.D., offended with
Gilmartin's portrayal of his town as "corn-
obsessed," has challenged him to a radio debate.
Gilmartin says he plans to accept, though he
admits the fact that he's never been to Mitchell
could put him at a disadvantage.

Gilmartin said the idea for the book arose in a
discussion with his editor. "The 'Best Places'
lists came up, and it just sort of came together
as something that would be good to satirize."

Gilmartin posted messages on all the public
Internet forums he could find, including every
Craigslist in the country, posing the
question, "What's the worst town in your state?"
After tallying the results, he sought additional
comments, via e-mails, from those who had
responded and, using their comments and his own,
compiled the book.

The 50 cities are not ranked, and their selection
was based on both the voting, his research
(primarily the 2000 Census and crime data from
Sperling's Best Places) and his own "expertise"
when it comes to bad places.

"I grew up in New Jersey, which is what really
developed my eye for this. If you were raised by
wolves, you would know a thing or two about pack
animals. I know a crappy town when I see one," he
said.

Gilmartin said Barstow, Calif., got the most
votes for worst place. Baltimore, he said, wasn't
too far behind - "probably in the top five," he
said.

"Detroit may get most of the press, but it's
Baltimore that boasts the nation's highest big-
city murder rate," Gilmartin wrote in the
book. "Meanwhile, murder convictions have
plummeted to an all-time low, due mainly to the
fact that witness intimidation (i.e., more
murder) is something of a cottage industry."

The book includes brief comments from the
Internet contributors, all of which are genuine,
Gilmartin says, though not all have real names
attached to them.

In the case of Baltimore, at least two of them
are real.

"Baltimore: the city where people get mugged in
church," wrote Michael Tully, a self-described
writer/director/musician/house painter who lives
in Mount Airy and says he has been a friend of
Gilmartin's for several years. Tully also offered
his two-cents worth on Dundalk in the
book: "White Trash Ghetto at its most terrifying.
Shirtless four-year-old children stomp down the
sidewalks with the authority of a hardened
criminal."

Tully said in an e-mail that he doesn't expect
anyone to get angry about his comments: "I would
be truly disappointed in any human being who
would take offense to some random moron's
comments in a book that is clearly just trying to
be funny."

Comments from Micheline Birger, a Baltimore (by
way of San Francisco, which is not in the book)
freelance writer and humorist, were also
included. She wrote that the No. 1 sport
is "dodging bullets," and that the Inner Harbor
is "like Disneyland in the middle of Afghanistan."

Gilmartin says his book is aimed more at
eliciting chuckles than anything else. But he,
too, sees Baltimore as a city with skewed
priorities - intent on showing off its Inner
Harbor to tourists while neglecting the social
ills that fester in its neighborhoods.

Gilmartin said he has visited Baltimore several
times, as recently as last month. Much of his
knowledge of the city, he said, comes from
friends who live in the area, and from being an
avid watcher of HBO's The Wire, the Baltimore-
based crime drama.

The pseudonym "Dave Gilmartin," he said, is a
name a friend of his used on a fake ID card in
high school.

"He is such a coward he can't put his real name
to this?" asked Tracy Gosson, executive director
of Live Baltimore, a nonprofit organization
founded in 1997 to promote the benefits of city
living.

"I've got one word for this guy: Loser," she
said, flipping through the pocket-sized hardback
book in her office. "I think it's sad people have
to sink this low to make a dollar and get
something published." Gosson called the book
superficial, one-sided and said it reinforced
negative and outdated stereotypes.

"He's just a nobody who got a book deal," said
Gosson, who once lived in Syracuse, N.Y., (also
listed in the book). "I'm sorry, but he lives
where? Pleasantville?"

For Baltimore - like Philadelphia, Gary, Ind.,
Camden, N.J, and many other cities in the book -
getting dissed is nothing new. Even the city's
new tourism slogan, "Baltimore: Get in on it,"
implies the city's appeals aren't widely known.

Still, Gosson noted, Gilmartin's findings run
counter to the last two years of good press the
city has received. Its ranking on more positive
lists recently include No. 7 arts destination,
according to AmericanStyle magazine; No 5 city
for singles, according to Forbes magazine, and
one of the top 10 and coming summer destinations,
according to From- mer's, a travel guide.

Gosson said she doesn't expect Baltimoreans to
get much of a laugh out of the book, or to spend
too much time worrying about it.

"People in Baltimore don't take themselves so
seriously. That's what makes this a great place.
We just roll with it," she said. "Besides, who
wants perfection? Perfection is boring."

For more about Balti-$hit:

http://balti.what.cc
http://norris.ismad.com
http://omalley.ismad.com
http://baltimore.home-page.org
http://conventions.home-page.org
http://baltimore-tourism.home-page.cc

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Country's Deadliest Cities!