6-12 The God You Know

The first airing was Jan 29, 1991.

The story starts with Xena and Gabrielle walking through a field of dead people. Gabrielle asks
what kind of animal would do that. Archangel Michael appears and Xena draws her sword, still pissed
that he tried to send her to hell. He says Caligula did the killing. Xena knows his reputation -
psycho, sex addict, and murderer, your run-of-the-mill Roman emperor. Gabrielle adds that he thinks
he's a god. Michael says he is a god. He wants to be one of the great gods of the Roman Pantheon.
And he kills anyone who won't swear allegiance to his cult of blood, including the followers of
Eli. Also Eve has gone to Rome to confront him. X&G ride off to Rome.

In Rome, Caligula is driving a chariot dragging two dead men. He stops and has a soldier
give a civilian his sword and tells the man to stab him. He does with no ill effects. The man
kisses Caligula's ring. But when he wants an old man to kiss it, he refuses and Caligula says he
forfeits his life. Eve appears and tells Caligula to release the man. A soldier whispers to
Caligula that she is Eve of the Elijans (followers of Eli). Caligula says he wishes he knew her
when she was the Bitch of Rome. She says she is now the bitch for Rome and wants Caligula to know
his days of tyranny are over.

Suddenly a chariot driven by Xena in disguise arrives. Soldiers try to stop her but
can't. The horses stop and she dives over them and lands in front of Caligula. She is wearing a
gold helmet that covers the top half of her face. Meanwhile, Gabrielle finds Eve and tells her to
go with her. Ares (back in black leather) shows up and just as Xena is about to stab Caligula,
dives at her and they go down. He says if she kills Caligula, Aphrodite will die also - their lives
are bound together.

Gabrielle tells Eve to go to the catacombs where other Elijans are hiding.

Aphrodite appears. Aphrodite sees Ares and tries to feel him up, much to his dismay.
Caligula wants to know what Xena was doing. Gabrielle comes back and tells him she is Cinda of
Thrace and Xena is the great charioteer Saaba, who wants to challenge him to a chariot race. He
thinks it's a good idea and tells Saaba she will be his guest of honor at the palace. Ares is taken
to the dungeon. Apparently, Caligula doesn't know who he is.

Gabrielle and Xena are bathing in a small indoor pool. Xena is washing Gabrielle's feet.
Xena gets out and puts on her clothes and gold helmet and says she going to talk to Ares.

At the party, Gabrielle is now wearing a green bra and skirt. She sees Aphrodite and
tries to talk to her and tells her they are friends, but Aphrodite is drunk or drugged, and doesn't
recognize her. Gabrielle follows Aphrodite out into a hall and Aphrodite tries to kiss her.
Caligula comes up and has Aphrodite taken away. He's mad that Saaba isn't at the party yet.

Xena asks Ares how Aphrodite is. He doesn't know, he says he came to Rome when he heard
she was losing her mind. Without the god of war, the goddess of love becomes unbalanced.

While stalling for time, Cinda does some kind of dance with fire and rope and dancing on
shields.

Ares tells Xena Caligula is like a succubus and is sucking the godhood out of Aphrodite.
Xena says she has to come between them somehow.

Cinda is dancing while Caligula puts Aphrodite to sleep. After the dance Xena asks
Gabrielle about Aphrodite. She says she didn't recognize her. Caligula sees Saaba. She drops her
robe and is wearing a skimpy black bikini. She says she's at his command. He wants to know if she
is a worthy opponent. And to prove it, he has a shirtless Ares brought out and tells her to kill
him. Saaba says she and Cinda had a floor show and wants to show him. But before they do, she takes
her gold helmet off and kisses Caligula, biting his lip and making it bleed. When he sees the
blood, he is highly upset and has the room cleared after having Saaba chained up.

She tells him she is the immortal Celtic Goddess of Sex. And after hearing about the
demise of the Olympians, she wanted to spread her wings and knew he would be the perfect ally. She
says her power is the ability to pierce the veil of immortality. He's worried about her being
around but she says she's better than the washed out dishrag Aphrodite. She tells him she can be a
very good friend, and even better enemy.

Caligula is in the throne room and hears his mother's voice taunting him. He looks around
and sees Michael standing behind the throne.

Eve is praying in the catacombs and Michael appears behind her. He tells her she is ready
and to have no fear.

Eve is brought before Caligula by two guards. She tells him to let go of the lust and
violence and to open his heart to truth and hope. He decides to kill her. Saaba stops him and
knocks Eve out before she can expose her as Xena. He says the winged demon told him to kill Eve.
Saaba tells him it's better to have her exterminated in front of the people. She asks why he
prefers Aphrodite. He tells her he only needs a final kiss goodbye from Aphrodite.

Gabrielle is still trying to get Aphrodite to recognize her. Michael appears and starts
to kill either Aphrodite or Gabrielle with his sword. Xena comes in and is mad that he tried to get
Caligula to kill Eve, and now he's going after her girl friends.

They fight and Xena eventually knocks him into the pool. She puts the Pinch on him and
wants to know why. He struggles to tell her he was trying to kill Aphrodite to keep Caligula from
becoming a full god, which will happen if he kisses her again.

Xena asks what happens to angels when they die and pushes his head under the water
Gabrielle yells for her to sop. The second time she does it, a fiery beam comes down from the
heavens and takes her god-killing ability away. Michael is laughing at her and disappears. Xena
tells Gabrielle her ability is gone.

Caligula comes in, goes to Aphrodite, kisses her, and he becomes a god. He is elated,
then disappears. Aphrodite is back in her right mind, but when she tries to get them all out of
there by teleporting, she can't. Xena says Caligula is a full god now.

Xena goes back down to the dungeon where Ares and Eve are. He tells them Caligula is now
a full god and Eli took away her power to kill gods. She apologizes to Eve, who is angry that Xena
saved her life after she made the decision to die if necessary. Xena says she will do whatever
necessary to protect her

The next day, Saaba is on horseback dragging Eve behind her. Eve is tied to a post.
Caligula tells the Roman citizen they are going to see a chariot race between their god-emperor and
his new queen, the goddess Saaba.

They begin the race. Most of the time while racing through town and into the country
side, Caligula is ahead. He throws an occasional fireball. As they get back into the city, Saaba
takes the lead. Then Caligula's chariot hits something and it overturns. Saaba wins. She goes up to
where Eve is. Caligula says she will be the one to spill Eve's blood. She tell him it will be his
blood, She takes off the helmet and Gabrielle yells to the people she's Xena.

Caligula recognizes the name and says she's the slayer of gods. And she says she's also
the mother of the woman he called the Whore of Rome. He tries to throw a fireball, but she kicks it
out of his hand and tells him she's been killing gods for years but he can't even throw a decent
fireball.

The crowd chants her name. Caligula is outraged. The crowd laughs at him. She tells him
he can take his place among the Pantheon of Roman gods by spilling his own blood. If she kills him
he'll be just another dead god. But he can live forever if he does it himself. She gives him her
sword and points it at his belly. He stabs himself and dies.

Later Xena tells Gabrielle she fells dirty. Gabrielle says he was evil. Xena says he
wasn't evil just damaged.

Aphrodite is trying to teleport without success, and complaining that it's not fair. Ares
tells her welcome to my nightmare. Aphrodite asks Gabrielle is she meant it when she said they were
friends. Gabrielle answers absolutely.

Xena tells them it's time to go. Eve asks how it feels now that she lost her greatest
gift - the ability you kill gods. Xena puts her arms about Eve and Gabrielle, and says she still
has her two greatest gifts and doesn't intend to lose either one of them. Ares and Aphrodite
follow, arms around each other's waist.

..........

Not a bad episode. First the nitpicks --

Aphrodite's hair - WTF????? Could they make it any uglier?

I would have liked to have known how Caligula was able to get Aphrodite under his
control.

Xena's gold helmet and chariot - found them at a Roman flea market on sale?

If the Celtic goddess Saaba wanted to take over Greece, why go to Rome? Caligula must be
a real dunce. Even I wouldn't believe THAT story.

Something about Gabrielle's fire dance wasn't so great. But after the Gurkhan dance, I
guess nothing compares.

For being a "good guy" Michael sure is an ass. Why go to Xena when he could have just
killed Aphrodite like he was going to?

And so what if Caligula was "damaged?" Does that give him a "get out of jail free" card?
That sure didn't sound much like Xena. Even Gabrielle agreed his death was necessary. Caligula
killed and probably tortured many people; the Olympian gods didn't (that we know of). Xena didn't
have any trouble killing those gods. They were gong to kill Eve, and so was Caligula - what's the
diff?

The good stuff --
Gabrielle's, Xena's, and Aphrodite's bikinis.

I liked that line from Saaba, "I have the power to pierce the veil of immortality.."

Drunk/drugged Aphrodite telling Gabrielle, "I'm a goddess and you're a butt-kissing
parasite."

Ares telling Xena while they were waiting for Caligula to realize his lip was bleeding,
"You know -- I have fantasized about this in a hundred different situations. I've gotta tell ya-- I
never got to this scenario."

Aphrodite starting to kiss Gabrielle, and for a half second, Gabrielle closing her eyes -
force of habit?

Other things -

Was that really Caligula's mother, or just Michael screwing with his head?

Xena said Eli stripped her of her god-killing power. Was it Eli or the higher power
Michael said Eve obeys?

Can a god kill himself by stabbing himself with a mortal's sword?

How did Ares hear about Aphrodite losing her mind while stuck on the farm?

Caligula sure had some yellow teeth.

Xena must have been driving magic horses -- during the chariot race, the black and brown
horses kept changing sides.

The disclaimer was, "Gabrielle's undercover disguise was extensively harmed during the
making of this motion picture." That make no sense at all. A better one would be something like,
"Caligula's godhood / livelihood/ emperor-hood was extensively harmed during the making of his
motion picture."

No cast or crew interviews.

Not such a bad episode. Not great but not bad. The women all looked good. And even though
things kept going from bad to worse to even worse, Xena's solution to have Caligula kill himself
was pretty darned clever. An 8 out of 10.

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6-12 The God You Know .. 8

6-11 Dangerous Prey .... 7.5

6-10 Old Ares Had a Farm . 8.5

6-09 Return of the Valkyrie .. 8

6-08 The Ring ....... 8

6-07 The Rheingold .... 8.5

6-06 The Abyss ..... 8

6-05 Legacy ....... 9

6-04 Who's Gurkhan? .... 9.5

6-03 Heart of Darkness .... 9

6-02 Haunting/Amphipolis . 8

6-01 Coming Home ..... 8

Average .......... 8.3