6-10 Old Ares Had a Farm

First airing was Jan. 15, 2001.

The episode starts out with Xena and Gabrielle coming down the stairs inside a tavern, presumably
coming from a room they had rented. They go to the bar and Xena spies several scumbag warlord types
and goes over to find out why they are there. Xena puts the Pinch on one of them and the others
attack. After a brief "here we go again" look on her face, Gabrielle joins in. After the fight is
over, Xena goes back to the first guy and asks what's going on. He says the warlords of Greece,
Thrace, and Macedonia have put a price on Ares' head because he's crossed so many of them and they
have united under Gasgar the Terrible. They know he is now mortal.

Ares is walking down a path and is confronted by a guy named Siki who wants to kill him. Xena and
Gabrielle join Ares and she makes him run off. Ares says he gets a lot of that. Xena tells him
about the warlords coming after him. He wants the three of them to take them all on. Xena has a
better idea - for him to change his identity. He says being a king or cult leader appeals to him.
She tells him he has to do something no one would suspect, Then asks him how he is at shoveling
sh*t.

Xena asks what is wrong with being a farmer. He still wants to fight the warlords and Xena asks if
he wants to fight EVERY one that comes along. She says she and Gabrielle will stay with him until
he gets into the swing of things. He's imagining a plantation with slaves and flute-playing girls.

They come to a rundown, ramshackle farmhouse. Xena says it's just like she remembered - the Elysian
Fields on earth. She shows Gabrielle where she carved her initial on a post - an X. It was her
grandparents' farm and she has fond memories of it. They go inside and it's even worse, cobwebs
everywhere, a table collapses and a door falls off its hinges.

Siki is bragging about killing Ares until Gasgar throws him around some. He describes Ares and
Gasgar thinks he may have seen him. He tells Gasgar he saw Ares outside of Ipierso and followed
them to the Lackawan Valley. He says a couple of women were with him.

Ares is sitting shirtless on the porch while Xena and Gabrielle have changed into skimpy peasant
frocks. They are working on the house while he's drinking wine. Xena calls him inside and he hides
some rags under the porch. He goes inside and Xena wants him to nail boards to the ceiling.

Ares can't find the rags, his wineskin, and one of Gabrielle's boots is missing. A young, pretty
widow neighbor, named Greba, comes over and tells them the Warlord Gasgar was seen heading in their
direction. Ares flirts with her, but Xena runs her off, then changes back into her warrior garb and
says she's going to go see Gasgar.

Xena goes to Gasgar's camp and tells him she can give him Ares' head on a platter. Gasgar believes
her since he's heard stories about the things Ares has done to her. But now that Ares is mortal
they don't need her and don't want to split the bounty. Xena suggests that maybe Ares isn't mortal,
she can still kill gods, and she knows where to find him.

Back at the farm Gabrielle and Ares are sitting in front of a roaring fireplace while it is
storming outside. Gabrielle thanks him for giving up his godhood to save her and Eve. He says if
Eve died, Xena would have lost her ability to kill gods and Athena would have killed her. Gabrielle
was just an afterthought. Xena comes in and says she and her brothers used to sit by the fire and
tell ghost stories.

Ares says the thief has stolen one of his gauntlets. Gabrielle hints that maybe it's a ghost. Ares
says that mortals go to the most incredible places just to rationalize unexplained phenomena.

Suddenly the roof begins to leak over them. The only dry room is the bedroom. Ares says the three
of them can sleep there. Xena says she supposes since they are all adults. Ares agrees.

Gabrielle and Xena are wearing bras and skirts. Ares is between them with just his leather pants
on. Xena and Ares have trouble getting comfortable. Gabrielle is sleeping. After some tossing and
turning Ares is on his back and Gabrielle turns over and her hand plops down on his crotch. Xena
sees this and with a distasteful look on her face moves Gabrielle's hand.

The next morning Ares wakes up to hear Xena and Gabrielle outside. Xena is yelling that her
breastplate is missing. Ares grabs his sword and comes out on the bedroom balcony, then jumps down
to help them find the breastplate. They are following tracks and can see where it was dragged. They
find where it and the other missing things have been buried. Inside a hollow log is a small dog,
who takes a shine to Ares.

Xena and Gabrielle go to town for supplies. Greba comes over while Ares is on the roof trying to
repair it. He comes down to talk to her. She thinks Xena and Gabrielle are his daughters because he
is an "older man" with a touch of gray hair. Insulted, Ares goes back to fix the roof, but he falls
through and ends up on the floor covered with ceiling boards.

Xena and Gabrielle come back. Gabrielle is driving a wagon loaded with chickens and a pig, with a
cow following. They find Ares still lying on the floor. He tells them he is "lying here smelling my
mortality, all my muscles ache, I have gray hair," and the dog's tongue is in his mouth.

Later, Xena tells Ares to kill a chicken for supper, and with joyful excitement, he grabs his sword
and goes to the chicken pen.

Gabrielle tells Xena she suspects the reason they are staying is that she's trying to relive her
childhood memories. Xena tells her she was happy, it was peaceful, and she felt safe.

While Ares is still trying to kill a chicken, Gasgar's men ride up, led by Demetrius. Ares runs
inside and Xena gives him old farmer's clothes to wear. She says she has to leave. Demetrius calls
for Ares to come outside. Ares tells Gabrielle to go first and to stall. She takes the rag off her
head, shakes her hair and tears open her blouse, exposing polka dot blouse. She goes outside like
she was interrupted from something sexual. She flirts with Demetrius until Ares comes out in the
farmer's clothes. He orders her back into the house.

Demetrius says they are looking for Ares. Farmer/Ares has an attitude and gets knocked down for his
smart mouth. Xena rides up and stops Demetrius from hitting him with a board. Demetrius tells her
she needs to put the Pinch on him. She hesitates but knows she has to, and does so. And the dog
runs up and bites her on the butt. Farmer/Ares tells her Ares was there but has gone to the Hurata
Pass. She takes the Pinch off and says she's going to the pass while Demetrius reports back to
Gasgar.

The dog is on Gabrielle's horse and Xena throws her Chakram at it. Ares tells he not to be throwing
things at his dog. And walks off with it. He names the dog Horace.

While Xena is milking a cow, a traveling salesman comes into the barn looking for his lost dog.
Ares says he never saw it. They hear the dog barking and the salesman chases after it. Later the
salesman is on the road and Demetrius and his men ride up to see if he's seen Ares. Demetrius sees
Horace chewing on Ares' gauntlet. The salesman tells him the dog found it on a farm. Demetrius
heads back to the farm

While Xena, Gabrielle and Ares are looking for his gauntlet, Greba comes back and tells them Gasgar
is heading right for this farm. Xena runs her off again.

Xena goes back to Gasgar's camp to find out why he isn't going to the Hurata Pass. Gasgar accuses
Xena of hiding Ares for some reason. Suddenly Gabrielle comes in and says she is tired of being
used by Xena. Xena tells her this isn't the time. Gabrielle asks Gasgar if he wasn't to know where
Ares is. Xena says not to listen to her because she's insane. Gabrielle says Xena is insane
thinking she can just walk away from her. She's fallen in love with Ares and now she (Gabrielle)
is nothing! Gasgar thinks that after everything Ares has done to Xena, that's pathetic.

Gabrielle tells Gasgar Ares is going to Pultruis to hide in the Naughton Caves. Xena threatens
Gabrielle and she tells her she wants to see what she has. Gabrielle jumps at Xena, bumping chests.
They fight while destroying the things inside the tent. Gasgar and his men leave them and head to
Pultruis. After they leave, Xena and Gabrielle stop fighting and Xena compliments Gabrielle on her
fighting moves.

They go back to the farm and Horace is with them. They tell Ares that Gasgar and his men are going
to the Pultruis caves, where the 7 (or 8) headed beast makes it's lair. Xena tells him he can now
stay on the farm as long as he wants. And maybe she'll come and visit sometime.

As they ride away, Gabrielle asks Xena how she feels. She says she's learned you can't look for
peace in the world around you. You have find it in your own heart. She was happier when she was a
kid there because she was loved and felt like she belonged. she was lucky then and is lucky now.

...........

A fun episode with Xena, Gabrielle and Ares. And the beginning of the end since this episode first
aired in January of 2001. The episode was written by RJ Stewart, always a good sign.

Naturally, there were a few little items that weren't consistent with the story. The most obvious
was that sometime in the night, the bedroom became a second story room with a balcony.

The other one was that even after sleeping 25 years, the warlords Xena knew and fought were still
young enough to be actively causing trouble.

Xena's grandmother must not have been a very good housekeeper if her house smelled like it did when
XG&A got there.

Eye candy for everyone - bare-chested Ares for the ladies (and men of that persuasion) and
Gabrielle's cleavage and polka dotted bra for those of us who certainly appreciate such finery.
: - )

Greba sure seemed to know what was going on. More eye candy AND a fount of information!

Gabrielle's hair was short again (no surprise there).

I suspect when Ares told Gabrielle that saving her life was just an afterthought, it was only to
keep her from thinking she meant anything to him.

Xena said the house was where her grandparents lived. Since people rarely moved far from where they
were born, and Xena and her brother seemed to visit regularly, I wonder if they were anywhere near
Amphipolis.

The bedroom scene - For some reason I always thought it would have made more sense for Xena to be
in the middle since she was next to Ares anyway. And she and Gabrielle were more likely to snuggle
together. But as far as the story goes, Ares gets to be between them. You would have thought that
Ares could have found more to cover up with than a piece of rag that didn't even cover his chest.
As far as complaining that he was in Tartarus, that's the kind of eternal Tartarus I'D like to
endure!

Lots of great lines.

n When Ares asked Gabrielle if there was anything they agreed on, they both looked at Xena.

n Gabrielle is surprised that Ares and Horace have bonded. Xena tells her Horace worships him,
something that Ares can understand.

n When they first come to the farm, Xena says it's the Elysian Fields on earth. This is it. And
Ares replies, "What, the outhouse?"

n When Xena mentioned that her grandmother used to tell them stories about the Olympian gods,
Ares retorts, "Bet you never thought you'd grow up to kill most of them, did you?"

n And when Xena told Ares they could fix up the house, he says even as a god he couldn't fix
it.

I suspect that after Xena and Gabrielle left, Ares renewed his "friendship" with Greba (or the
other way around). And we have seen the first and last of Horace.

(Horace [one of them] was a Roman poet who lived at the time of X:WP. He was educated in Rome and
in Athens. He joined Brutus' army but was on the losing side against Mark Antony and his family's
property was confiscated.)

Everyone did a great job, and it's obvious they all had fun with it.

Gabrielle's bra, and her and Xena and their skimpy peasant clothes. (Just had to mention it again.)

.........

The interview clip was with Rob Tapert. He said he always wanted to do an episode where X&G do
almost nothing and RJ jumped on this one with a great script. He said the bedroom scene had lots of
outtakes where everyone is laughing about Gabrielle's hand-to-crotch scene.

He also said he thought this episode was Kevin's best work of all six seasons.

Lots of fun, not much to complain about. An 8.5 out of 10.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6-10 Old Ares Had a Farm . 8.5

6-09 Return of the Valkyrie .. 8

6-08 The Ring ....... 8

6-07 The Rheingold .... 8.5

6-06 The Abyss ..... 8

6-05 Legacy ....... 9

6-04 Who's Gurkhan? .... 9.5

6-03 Heart of Darkness .... 9

6-02 Haunting/Amphipolis . 8

6-01 Coming Home ..... 8

Average .......... 8.5