TAR-AS, Leg 1 – Miami Florida to Cotopaxi National Park, Ecuador

Finally the stars have aligned properly and The Amazing Race is back.
By stars of course I mean the big name teams who raced in this thing
before. According to Phil’s introduction, nine of the show’s “most
memorable” teams have been brought back to participate, which is a
distinction that bothers me and which IÂ’ll get into shortly. And I of
course am back, complete with Poker stories, but so far at least
without a new computer – I’m still using the old Pentium 2 333 MHz
running Windows 98 that my brother has basically given me. Part of the
reason why I donÂ’t have a new machine is because I was waiting for
Vista (like anyone who needed a new computer) but now donÂ’t know what
anti-virus/security combination to put on it. The other part is that my
brother Greg has moved from Saskatoon to Port Moody, British Columbia
and the past couple of months have been spent preparing him for his
move and then getting stuff ready to actually be moved after he left.
ItÂ’s been a full time thing.

ThereÂ’s a new Poker show on TV, and no IÂ’m not talking about Boston
RobÂ’s show where he wants to learn how to be a professional player and
takes lessons from, among other people, Daniel Negreanu. No the show
I’m talking about is NBC’s “Poker After Dark”. In that show, six “big
name pros” a week are brought together in a $20,000 buy-in No Limit
HoldÂ’em tournament, broadcast an hour per night five nights a week,
with a “Director’s Cut” episode on Saturday. The show’s biggest
innovation is that while there is an announcer, the amount of talking
that he actually does is kept to a bare minimum. This letÂ’s us listen
to the players talk about whatever they want to talk about and interact
with each other. Depending on the players at the table this can be
quite entertaining. A week with six previous World Series of Poker Main
Event winners was deadly dull because none of the six – Carlos
Mortenson, Chris Moneymaker, “Jesus” Ferguson, Johnny Chan, Doyle
Brunson, and Jamie Gold – said much for the whole five days. On the
other hand CommentatorÂ’s Week, with Mike Konik, Phil Gordon, Howard
Lederer, Chad Brown, Gabe Kaplan, and Mike Sexton, was a rollicking
good time because the guys wouldnÂ’t shut up and had interesting things
to say. The point here is that the only time that you really get to see
the absolute stars of the game getting together, interacting with each
other, and competing against each other is either in a tournament with
a buy-in so high that “ordinary” people can’t afford to play or in
invitational tournaments. The All Star version of “The Amazing Race” is
like that, in that we are seeing players from previous seasons
interacting with each other in something other than a social situation
– something which itself rarely happens – and where we can see them
with their competitive juices running.

The episode begins with the traditional introduction of the teams, but
of course itÂ’s somewhat different this time. We know these people even
if – with the exceptions of David & Mary, Dustin & Kandice, and of
course Rob & Amber – we don’t know what has happened to them since the
last time we saw them. Kevin & Drew got married (to women not each
other), Bill & Joe now call themselves Gay Grampas, and Danny &
OswaldÂ’s friendship broke up for a while but came back together later.
John Vito & Jill remain friends but are no longer lovers, while Eric &
Danielle have become lovers (Danielle saw him as a Casanova in the
ninth race but also a gentleman which are in short supply in New York –
apparently in such short supply that she canÂ’t recognise a real one).
As for Uchenna & Joyce, the in vitro treatments didnÂ’t take and is
going through yet another rocky patch.

The teams arrive at a seaside park in the city of Miami aboard
speedboats, something that reminds Ian of the opening of “Miami Vice.”
As he soon tells us, he had been a narcotics cop in Miami during the
1980s which happens to have been the heyday of the show. It scares me
to think that he was a “real” version of Sonny Crockett. Phil’s
introductory spiel is a bit different this time around too. He tells
the racers – and us of course – that “some of you have battled before,
some of you are friends, some of you are enemies.” It’s interesting who
the Amazing Editors have chosen to include in each of the categories.
“Battled before” focussed on Rob & Amber and Uchenna & Joyce, “friends”
focussed on Kevin & Drew and Bill & Joe (!), and “enemies” brought us
David & Mary and Dustin & Kandice. Then with the usual raised eyebrow
and dropping hand Phil sent them off running for their bags. The race
is on.

The teams had to drive to the Miami International Airport and then fly
to Quito Ecuador on one of two flights. Almost immediately things
became apparent about some teams. It was immediately apparent that Fat
Bastards Kevin & Drew were way out of their league this time around.
What can you say when half of your team is passed in a footrace by
Charla, but thatÂ’s exactly what happened to Drew. He blamed his pack.
Two of the teams were made up of south Florida natives – Danny & Oswald
and Terri & Ian, so the smart teams latched onto them and followed. Rob
& Amber and John Vito & Jill were close behind Danny & Oswald, while
Uchenna & Joyce trailed somewhat. In fact they trailed so far behind
Danny & Oswald that they were caught by Dustin & Kandice, who were
following Joe & Bill. Soon they were also passed by Terri & Ian, which
gave Uchenna the bright idea to latch onto them. It worked too. Back
with the lead group, as the teams approached the correct airport
parking lot, JohnVito & Jill and Rob & Amber decided to push ahead of
Team Cha-Cha-Cha, but Rob found himself attempting to enter the wrong
gate for the lot. This put them behind John Vito & Jill and Danny &
Oswald. John Vito & Jill were able to catch the first shuttle to the
airport terminal and in time honoured race tradition firmly instructed
the driver not to pick anyone else up, including the two groups of
people struggling with packs – especially not the ones in the Boston
Red Sox hats. At this point my mother stated that they were just as bad
as Rob & Amber. Well, not exactly. Rob & Amber managed to grab the next
terminal shuttle and at first instructed their driver not to pick up
anyone either. Then suddenly he decided to pick up Danny & Oswald.
Payment, said Rob for Cha-Cha-Cha leading them to the airport. So far
at least they seem to be getting along a lot better with these two Gay
guys than they did with the three Gay guys in TAR 7.

There are, as usual, two specific flights that the teams can take from
Miami to Quito. One is on American Airlines, the other on Copa
Airlines. The teams know that the American flight leaves later than the
Copa flight but they arenÂ’t told which arrives first. The more seasoned
teams know to ask. The teams in the first two shuttles use the simple
expedient of asking their shuttle driver which airline terminal is
closer to their present location and going there. The closest terminal
is American and when they ask at the desk, they find that while the
American flight leaves twenty minutes after the Copa flight, it arrives
in Quito nearly two hours earlier. Those three teams get that flight.
David & Mary go to the Copa counter and in proof that they might not be
quite ready for a life of international travel racing, they book the
Copa flight, and then ask what time the American Airlines flight
arrives. Of course, unlike flight arrangements in other stages of the
race, having booked this flight they canÂ’t change. Still it does give
them a leg up on a couple of other teams. When Dustin & Kandice arrive
they tell them that this is in fact the fastest flight, but when Terri
& Ian come they are told that the American flight arrives faster.
Dustin & Kandice figure out that the American flight is faster on their
own and both teams head for the American counter, but with Terri & Ian
in the lead. This is important since Charla & Mirna are already in line
for the fourth ticket on American and, because we watch the show
diligently, we know that there canÂ’t be more than one or two more seats
available on American. Terri & Ian manage to make it to the American
Counter just ahead of Dustin & Kandice and most of the other teams.
Sure enough there is only one group of seats left and Terri & Ian grab
them. The other teams – Dustin & Kandice, Uchenna & Joyce, Eric &
Danielle, Joe & Bill, and Kevin & Drew – join David & Mary on the Copa
flight.

Arriving in Quito, teams had to travel by taxi to the Plaza San
Francisco. Rob & Amber are about the third or fourth team out of the
terminal on their flight but to the amazement of the other teams they
are the first to arrive at the clue box in the plaza. What trickery and
connivery allowed them to accomplish that feat? Simple; they asked the
cab driver if he knew a short cut to the Plaza. He did, hey took it and
jumped ahead of the other teams on their flight. The fact that it
ticked off John Vito was just an added bonus. IÂ’m sure he figured that
it was a “Survivor” thing. Position in arriving at the Plaza was
important because the next place they went to involved taking a number.
The teams had to go to PimÂ’s Restaurant, which appears to be a high
class eatery, and take a number. The head waiter or Maitre dÂ’ or
whatever would then hand them a menu with a departure time. There were
three departure times: 7, 7:15, and 7:30 a.m. Clearly departure times
wold be important. Rob & Amber make it to Pims first, followed by John
Vito & Jill, Charla & Mirna, Danny & Oswald, and Terri & Ian. The first
four teams get the 7 a.m. departure while Terri & Ian are stuck at
7:15. There isnÂ’t much disturbance in the rest of the pack until Kevin
slips on the street near the Plaza San Francisco. Drew retrieves the
clue while his fellow Real Frat Boy writhes on the ground in agony,
certain that his shoulder is dislocated when what really seems to have
happened is that heÂ’s skinned his knee and fell on his shoulder. IÂ’ve
slipped on ice and been hurt that badly.

The natural expectation when handed departure times is that theyÂ’ll be
travelling by some conveyance that will take them where theyÂ’re going
without them driving, like taxis or busses or World War II motorcycles.
Wrong, oh diesel breath. All these departure time entitle them to is
knowing when theyÂ’ll be able to leave PimÂ’s Restaurant and be able to
walk to a nearby parking structure. There are marked cars in the
structure and a clue with a map in each. Teams have to drive to
Hacienda Yanahurco in the Cotopaxi National Park. Teams are advised to
take the North entrance into the park. Several of the first out teams
realise that they need local help, but to say that the quality of the
help varies would be an understatement. Charla & Mirna grab a guy in a
leather coat off the street and put him in their car as a guide. John
Vito & Jill find a guy in a red car who is willing to lead them to the
park and follow him. Rob & Amber hire a cab to lead them. Any guess as
to which team gets where theyÂ’re going first?

ThatÂ’s right, itÂ’s Rob & Amber. They get to the Hacienda Yanahurco well
ahead of any of the other teams, which is a good thing since theyÂ’re
facing a Detour. This one is called “Wrangle It or Retrieve It.” In
“Wrangle It” teams have to have one of the park’s numerous wild horses
roped by one of the local cowboys (vacqueros?) and after it is hobbled
and on the ground, the Racers have to trim the horseÂ’s hooves (which
are often so long that the poor beasts canÂ’t walk) and the horseÂ’s tail
and mane. Once that’s done they get their next clue. In “Retrieve It”
one player has to don an old style military uniform and search a nearby
field for the three items that the uniform is missing – a sword, an
epaulette (shoulder board) and a button. Reasoning that animals are
frequently difficult to deal with Rob & Amber decide to do “Retrieve
It”. They actually find the sword, but the field is big and the other
two items are small and tiny respectively. They quickly switch to
“Wrangle It”. It’s a good choice but they’ve already built up such a
big lead that they were able to switch tasks and come fairly close to
completing their task before the next team, Danny & Oswald, arrive. Rob
& Amber finish first and win a trip to Whistler BC. Which, knowing
Whistler prices will probably leave them penniless.

To be honest the “Wrangle It” task isn’t terribly dramatic – echoes of
last season’s finale – so the big drama is in getting there. Charla &
MirnaÂ’s guide suddenly realised that they wanted to get to the North
Entrance of the park and he has guided them to the South Entrance. He
abandons them after explaining their mistake (getting him as a guide
was the big one) and Mirna decides that theyÂ’ll try the south entrance
even though Charla is a bit apprehensive. They can get to the Hacienda
from the South Entrance but itÂ’s quite a drive. The further they go
alone on the dirt road the more apprehensive Charla becomes, at least
until they see another team. Meanwhile John Vito & JillÂ’s guide didnÂ’t
even take them near an entrance to the park, just out into the
countryside. Finally they find the South Entrance and like Charla &
Mirna did, they opt to go from there rather than travel an extra hour
to find the North Entrance. This may have been foolish, depending on
how much time it took to reach the Hacienda from the South Entrance as
opposed to the North Entrance. If it was more than an hour plus
whatever time it took teams to get to the Hacienda from the North Gate
it may have had an impact on position because Kevin & Drew were having
automotive adventures of their own. They get a flat tire, and are aware
enough of their position that theyÂ’re concerned that any team passing
them could put them in last place. Kevin decided to go on driving on
the flat tire and we watch as the tire is shreaded and then the tire
rim is totally bent out of shape. But they get where theyÂ’re going and
finish their task – though we don’t see much of it – before John Vito &
Jill arrive. The “formerly dating” couple are eliminated, but maybe
thereÂ’s still a bit of a spark left in their relationship.

A rather lackluster beginning to the All Star edition of The Race. I
think it needed at least another half hour and probably a Roadblock to
make it a bit better. IÂ’m not sure how much of this was CBSÂ’s doing and
how much was the producers, but like last season the editing also seems
to be missing the dramatic flair that weÂ’ve seen in earlier years.

**
Notes and Comments

* Line of the night: From Danny & Oswald to Rob & Amber: “I hear you
guys have your own cable channel.” No, but they have changed their
professions to “television personality” on their profile on the CBS
website. Incidentally I saw the “Sci-Fi Investigates” show that Rob
appears on and trust me when I say that the show needed someone like
him on it. Runner-up may be the episode’s title “Less martinis and more
cardio,” but I’m sure this group thinks it’s John Vito’s “I’m tired of
Rob & Amber, and I think America is tired of them too.” Then again,
maybe the winner is actually Joe & Bill on Ian: “Everybody
underestimates him because he’s crotchety and old looking.” In fact Ian
is two years younger than Joe and just a year older than Bill.

* When Rob lets Danny & Oswald on the shuttle he states “It was the
first kind gesture IÂ’ve made, so I want it noted. It killed me to do it
too.” I don’t think that his “it killed me to do it to,” was truthful.
I think that Rob is very well aware of his reputation on both
“Survivor” and “The Amazing Race” and this statement is the sort of
thing that is in keeping with that reputation.

* Kevin & Drew’s decision to go all the way on that flat tire – to the
point where the rim was thoroughly bent out of shape – could come back
to haunt them if teams have to take either the same cars they arrived
in from the National Park or one of the cars from the pool of cars.
Since theyÂ’re the last team to depart theyÂ’ll be stuck with that car
and might have to change the tire before they start racing again, I
canÂ’t imagine another team taking that car if they can see the damage
the Real Frat Boys did to it.

* Detour Analysis: Clear choice was “Wrangle It” simply because of the
size of the search area and the items that needed to be found. It might
have been different if they had to rope the horses and bring them under
control.

* Best Racing Move: Rob on the cab ride to the Plaza San Francisco.
Asking the driver if he knew a faster way to the Plaza was inspired. It
canÂ’t hurt to ask but the other teams either didnÂ’t or werenÂ’t shown to
do it. The worst thing that could happen is that the short cut would
turn out to be longer than the conventional route but given that they
had a guaranteed two hours before the Copa flight arrived it was worth
the risk. He also gets point from me for hiring a cab to lead them
rather than dragooning a willing – if not necessarily able – civillian
into their service.

* Mary is star struck meeting Rob & Amber and Charla & Mirna. Wait
until she discovers that people will be star struck when they meet her!

* Quito is the capital of Ecuador. It is the second or third highest
capital city in the world, depending on whether or not you count La
Paz, Bolivia (Bolivia has two capitals and the other, Sucre, is lower).
The city of Quito dates to the First Millenium CE, and was captured by
the Incas in the early 16th century only to be lost to the Spanish in
1533.The city was “officially” founded in 1556 as "Muy Noble y Muy Leal
ciudad de San Francisco de Quito" ("Very Noble and Loyal City of San
Francisco of Quito"). The city is probably best known around the world
(at least by shortwave enthusiasts like me) as the home of the HCJB,
one of the most widely heard radio stations around, and probably the
first shortwave station most people log – if you can’t hear HCJB loud
and clear something must be very wrong with your rig.

Next week: the Rob hating moves into full gear, and Dustin & Kandice
annoy Charla.

--
Brent McKee
My TV Blog -- http://childoftv.blogspot.com/

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"If we cease to judge this world, we may find ourselves, very quickly,
in one which is infinitely worse."
- Margaret Atwood

"Nothing is more dangerous than a dogmatic worldview - nothing more
constraining, more blinding to innovation, more destructive of
openness to novelty. "
- Stephen Jay Gould (1941-2002)