> On Aug 14, 4:16 pm, SamIAm
drseus.com> wrote:>>> On Aug 14, 2:35 pm, Vickie
mcdanielx.com> wrote:>>
>>>>On Aug 14, 12:27 pm, Vickie
mcdanielx.com> wrote:>>
>>>>I just wanted to add, that the others, Nina, Steph, and Newman make a
>>>>good point. I also believe husband still needs to realize he has to
>>>>cut out the extra-curricular stuff and seek some help. If he isn't
>>>>committed to you enough to work on it and let that stuff go, no matter
>>>>what you do to try and rekindle, it probably won't help.
>>
>>>>Vickie
>>
>>> I guess I have to do some thinking of things. Last year we took
>>> scuba classes together. Something he always wanted to do so I joined
>>> at his request. So now we can continue that together. Our oldest is
>>> now old enough to watch the youngers so we have been able to get out
>>> more just the 2 of us. In fact in May we just went on vacation to the
>>> Keys for our anniversary. Kids stayed with grandma. We had a good
>>> time.
>>
>>> I contacted a therapist and I think I', going to start going once a
>>> week next week. Now getting him to go is going to be the challenge.
>>> And I agree that he needs to go just himself but I don't know that
>>> will ever happen...I think typical man. I do agree he is addicted to
>>> something. Its not sex but I somewhat think its knowing that someone
>>> else is interested in him...maybe a very long midlife crisis. And yes
>>> like addicts he tries to break free of the behavior and does for a
>>> while, but then it sucks him back in. And also like an addict it
>>> doesn't seem to matter at what cost. I said to him the other day..do
>>> you realize that doing this stuff takes us another step closer to
>>> divorce? He said he knew. But almost in the same breath he said he
>>> didn't want a divorce. I guess you need to be that kind of addict to
>>> understand that because I don't.
>>
>>> Ok here is something else that maybe only a man can give me an
>>> explainsion...On Sat after our 3 hour talk which included possible
>>> seperation in the near future about an hour later after doing chores
>>> araound the house the family decided to go for a swim. Whe in my room
>>> changing he came into change and started making moves on me and said
>>> "Is it appropriate to touch you? WTF I just answered yes and no,
>>> (kind of in shock) but nothing happened then. Then we had a good time
>>> in the pool and afterward he made his move again and I with it.
>>> Wanting to and at the same time wondering if it were appropriate. It
>>> was great. and then again that night. Now as a women I would have
>>> never thought of starting that after our conversation. Any insight?
>>
>> From my point of view (a man) ...
>>
>> When a man makes love he feels loved, he feels accepted, he feels
>> desired, etc. When he is fighting he feels none of these things. When
>> a woman accepts a man's touches after a fight, it tells him she still
>> loves him. Which is what he needs to know.- Hide quoted text -
>>
>> - Show quoted text -
>
> Thanks SamIam. That is kind of what i thought but you never know...I'm
> a women.
>
For the record, my husband thinks this particular line of thinking is not
universal or even particulary common for men at all. He thinks that men feel
loved when they are being treated with love.
