I spoke with an Inspecter Hargreaves with the RCMP who informed me
that you are a disgraceful embarrassment to Canada. They really
REALLY don't like you.

Apparently, you have been investigated for all sorts of nastiness
ranging from shoplifting to animal abuse to attempted rape of a minor,
prosecuted several times, and that you have a criminal record for
launching denial of service attacks, petty theft, public intoxication,
public indecency, and animal cruelty.

He said the public indecency charge should have been much more
serious, that you pulled down your pants and was masturbating at a bus
stop in full view of young children in the vicinity. Alcohol was
obviously a factor in that little episode. It was also a factor in
the case where you kicked a puppy to death because it's barking got on
your nerves.

Anyway, the officer thanked me for providing him with evidence of your
vile, malicious hate mail and said an investigation would be
immediately lauched.

Perhaps you should seek psychiatric care, you could claim innocence
based upon your mental illness.