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  maybe I'll tell him         


Author: confused
Date: May 8, 2008 20:36

I see t tomorrow. first time in about a month.

a lot has happened this month. I was thinking about that and I ended up
writing a bunch of stuff down. first thing I wrote down is I asked him if
he's going on any more trips. I said that there were things I'd only talk
about if I knew he'd be around :O

then I talked about stuff that's been going on (taking pets to vets, foo,
work, s*icide of online friend). umm... we got a little noisy but I told him
about losing weight too.

I wrote that while I was telling him all this stuff, the only thing I
thought I needed to talk with him was the s*icide. said I was actually
dealing with the rest, but wasn't functioning at my best. oh, then I said
maybe I shuld talk about losing weight (don't want to!!!!)

I said that what I really want to talk about is internal communication.

I really have changed. I seem to be more direct with T. I think before it
would have been really easy for me to get bogged down with the events
happening in my life and never really deal with the underlying issues
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  Volunteering at Tent City         


Author: confused
Date: May 8, 2008 15:04

Today I volunteered to help set up tent city at it's new location. tent city
is an organized homeless encampment that travels around mostly to churches
(you can read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tent_City_4). It was
set-up day, so we spent a lot of time working with others hauling stuff like
pallets, plywood, tents and boxes. A lot of people helped; some were
residents of tent city and some were volunteers. Yes, you could recognize
some as either residents or volunteers but for many it was really unclear.
Some people were from churches, some from the synagogue, some were not
native English speakers, some were young and others very old. We were all
just people working hard together. You would hear these conversations
happening where a resident realized they were talking to someone who was a
volunteer. I heard several people say thank you, but then the conversation
would move. I was talking to someone who I thought was a volunteer and
turned out he was a resident. It didn't matter. What mattered was that we
were working together. There was lots of moving heavy stuff, unstable
footing, nails and commotion. What mattered was the person holding the other
end of the wood was being careful and that you were working together to
share the load. I've set up for big projects, done the heavy lifting and
many other projects over the years and this was the nicest bunch of people
I've ever worked with. Yes, some people talked more then worked. Yes some ...
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  Trusting T         


Author: Puddle
Date: May 8, 2008 10:03

Re-reading posts. Finding lots of understanding in what we are doing.
Knowing that things are hard but that we *are* coping cause we are
still here. Jus need to *feel* like we are coping. We understand this.
We know we have been trying really really hard.

Was very important things to learn online about perceptions of t and
hiding rave.

Saw t an hour ago. Things are finally quiter inside (nice break).
Think cause t *heard* us. Think cause rave was there (t didn't know it
but we didnt try to *fake* being healing either). Rave toll t about
everything everyone said online cause we really really c*are about
everyone online.
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