need to go do work stuff.
want to hide.
been having trouble getting ready and out.
is now last minute.

sigh.

going.

-- astri

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to email send to astri
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at volcano dot org
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where are you????

i thought i'd read all of these posts
i've just found *loads* that i've not read
(there's no new ones right now so i was reading through the old ones and
deleting the ones that are trying to sell me fake Rolex watches)
why did i think i'd read them all when i hadn't?
they weren't in bold.
somebody else wrote them
that's scary. i feel like i've been b*llsh*tting to you all, and that's
quite real.
i've not been. honest. honest. honest. she's just in denial.
woah.
head spin.
i'm all confused.
if *i* hadn't read them, and the others had, then why would they let me
think i'd read them?
Oh, i'm all confused.
we didn't want her knowing.

something I wrote below... feeling insecure about posting it.

--maybe triggering? has some name calling in it...and people tend to find
my writing intense--

I am still stuck in "try harder". I could have tried harder to go to work
today, to clean my house, be a part of my nephew's birthday and the list
goes on and on. This is the cycle. I try and try and at...