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Author: magsmags
Date: Jun 8, 2010 11:08
On Jun 7, 3:47 am, Emerging Butterfly hotmail.com>
wrote:> On Jun 7, 1:16 am, astri wrote:
>
>
>>> On Sun, 6 Jun 2010, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
>>> this community can help me find sanity perhaps
>>> along with my other supports
>>> and the people here matter to me
>>> they matter a lot
>>> you all matter to me
>>> is that okay?
>
>> certainly think so
>
>> -- astri
>
>> ======================
>> to email send to astri ...
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Author: magsmags
Date: Jun 8, 2010 10:14
On May 29, 12:50 pm, mischa wrote:
> *hee hee*
> hi
> lil
> of
> mischa's chaos
>
> jill schrieb:
>
>> hi
>
>> *hee hee*
>
>> Rainbow Colors (Jill)
Hi Jill...Hi mischa's chaos... ltns
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Author: astriastri
Date: Jun 8, 2010 06:13
On Mon, 7 Jun 2010, azure wrote:
> Juniper wrote:
>>
>> Saturday I plan to walk by the apartments I lived in from 0-4 and
>> 4-leaving for college. I have a wild idea about seeing if anyone's
>> home in the 0-4 one and asking if I can go in. I haven't been back
>> there since I was 4, and I'm really curious about it. Probably won't
>> get in, but I'd like to try.
>
> I did that very thing! Drove to the lake home where I was living
> during most of my childhood memories, the happy as well as the sad.
> There were a lot of very happy early-childhood memories. During the
> last few years at that home, things had begun to go south, but the
> true hell only began in earnest and totally unmixed with any
> happiness when we left.
>
> I'm excited for you! I hope this is as fruitful for you as it was
> for me.
>
> It helped me to put to rest some ghosts -- because as an adult with ...
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Author: astriastri
Date: Jun 8, 2010 06:07
On Mon, 7 Jun 2010, Juniper wrote:
> In article malasada.lava.net>,
> astri wrote:>> On Sun, 6 Jun 2010, Juniper wrote:
>>> Just a note to let folks know that this coming weekend I'm taking the
>>> train down to NYC for my 40th high school reunion.
>>
>> brave
>> would *not* want to do that
>
> We were a small class (25) and bonded fairly well due to the fact
> that the headmistress h*ted us. We were always going to anti-war
> demonstrations and the like and rebelling against the establishment.
> That didn't go over well with the school administration. I think we
> pretty much had each other's backs, as much as we could.
>
> We were basically all good kids of one kind or another, although
> somewhat homogeneous in terms of class (middle and up), race
> (probably 85%% white), and brains (you had to score above a certain
> level on an IQ test to get in). Lots of clergy brats and academic ...
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Author: astriastri
Date: Jun 8, 2010 06:05
On Mon, 7 Jun 2010, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
>>> realize now need to move away from J
>>> talked with another t. last week i really like
>
> :)
> excited
> called her this morning and she called back :)
> told her about J going to hospital
> talked about going to safehouse
> they don't have openings yet but they said to call every day
> i told her i'd like to go to safehouse and work with her from there
> asked if she would consider seeing me more than short term if i can
> pay sliding scale
> (i think it's worth it)
> she said yes is possible let's talk about it next session
> she said she thinks it's essential i find safe place -- safehouse good
> idea
> i like the town she lives in :)
very cool
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Author: astriastri
Date: Jun 8, 2010 05:55
On Mon, 7 Jun 2010, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
> On Jun 7, 1:16 am, astri wrote:>> On Sun, 6 Jun 2010, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
>>> this community can help me find sanity perhaps
>>> along with my other supports
>>> and the people here matter to me
>>> they matter a lot
>>> you all matter to me
>>> is that okay?
>>
>> certainly think so
>
> scared i'm poison now
> that all my care is tainted
> that i'm not wanted in my compassion in my care in my need
> scared i just look like a personality disordered lunatic making
> demands everywhere
> it's scary to be here and to care and to not be sure if i'm okay
can understand that
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Author: astriastri
Date: Jun 8, 2010 05:52
On Mon, 7 Jun 2010, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
> i think she was right on to identify that i make "agreements" like
> staying with someone like J who tracks my emotional states, thoughts,
> that kinda thing
> and that it's about getting to know all the alters
> and supporting me in individuating
> that seems to be where i'm stuck -- want to become individual but
> keep getting pulled into enmeshments
this seems like good insight
-- astri
======================
to email send to astri
======================
at volcano dot org
======================
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Author: astriastri
Date: Jun 8, 2010 05:51
On Mon, 7 Jun 2010, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
> On Jun 7, 1:19 am, astri wrote:>> On Mon, 7 Jun 2010, Emerging Butterfly wrote:
>>> they sent actual people from that state, it appears, or from the
>>> networks?
>>
>> that a question to us?
>
> guess asking if you can believe that
believe that parents would send folks after a "runaway" child? sure,
most would do that.
believe that they are stalking you? it's not out of bounds, given the
effort they put into traumatizing you as a child. :(
-- astri
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Author: Emerging ButterflyEmerging Butterfly
Date: Jun 8, 2010 01:06
Hi Jill --
Thanks for the questions.
As far as it sounding like a conspiracy theory, it absolutlely does
sound that way, but maybe if you take a look at just how vengeful my
'rents were and how connected they strived to be, the situation makes
a bit more sense. Maybe not.
The bdsm theory --
Thing here is, I know about engaging in the bdsm. When i worked to
stop it, it seemed that the badstuff escalated -- Okay, so maybe that
makes people think the bdsm folks followed me -- but why would bdsm
people be committed to passing me person to person and offering
something like a "promotion" -- and why, if i know the bdsm activity
i've engaged in (it's well documented), would it be assumed that a
piece of me engaged in a bdsm world that was separate and totally
violates the boundaries of *all* of us?
there *is* no pleasure in being sh*cked, or followed, or stalked. it
is not a fantasy we have. it is not something we want.
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