We all know how much a nigger prides himself on his clothing and accessories. The
trouble is that the nigger's ass is broke. Since whitey's been keeping you down,
we realise that your clothing trips are limited to the prison laundry. Follow
these simple steps and you'll be getting your dress-on like 'the man' in no time.

Plan to go out late at night when the stores are closed. We know that this may
seem like a strange way to go shopping but if you give us a minute here it will
all make sense. Awaken at 11:30 P.M. and this will give you enough time to wash
some Skittles down with some chocolate milk. Getting your snack-on prior to an
event such as this is paramount - you can't expec' a brother to work on an empty
stomach, yo!.

Identification and wallets will not be necessary, and, since you most likely have
neither, this shouldn't pose a problem. You're almost ready to go.

Next you'll need a brick. A hammer would do nicely, but that costs money and you
don't have any. If you do not have access to an actual brick just steal some
rubble from down at one of the tenement buildings your relatives helped destroy in
your 'hood'.

We would normally advise you to bring along a mask and some gloves, but this
would constitute thinking ahead and is therefore considered to be 'white'
behaviour. Remember, the point to all of this is to stick it to whitey and NOT to
emulate him.

Make your way down to some strip mall and find a store that you like. Normally
this might include 7-Eleven, Popeyes, or the cheque-cashing joint, but we're after
clothes here. Pick one of the stores that advertises on Maury if you have trouble
coming up with one.

The next part of this is simple and something that will come to you innately -
throw the brick through the glass door climb right in. You'll hear something that
sounds like an alarm, but don't worry about that too much. It's just something
that whitey does and you won't need to concern yourself with it.

Now run around the store yelling, knocking over displays, and be sure to urinate
in the corners. Be proud of yourself for getting over on the man and pay no
attention to those sirens in the background. That's just another white thing that
needn't concern you.

Popo will soon arrive and you'll hear something like "freeze or I'll shoot". This
is another common phrase of whitey, however this time we will strongly suggest
that you listen up. The alternative at this point will be a couple of caps in your
punk ass - and that shit hurts, dawg!

Immediately scream things like "I didn't do anything" and "it wasn't me". When
they don't fall for that, accuse them of being racists and tell them that you know
YOUR rights. After they beat your ass and throw you into the car, you can think
about how hard done-by you are and the lawsuit that you're going to let fly for
this abuse. Don't consider for a minute that they have your prints on the glass
and your urine all over the place to test against you. Everyone knows that science
is just a conspiracy against the black man anyway. Get yourself a free legal-aid
lawyer, deny everything, make as many appeals as you can, and eventually get
convicted for it anyway.

After all of this hard work you will eventually get what you wanted - some new and
free prison-issued clothing. Good job!

Kickin' it wit' my ho,