On Aug 30, 11:54 pm, awthraw...@
gmail.com wrote:
> On Aug 30, 9:47 pm, Matt
aol.com> wrote:
>
>
>>> The Veep: A Short Play in One Act
>
>> Sometimes fiction is a better vehicle for getting inside someone's
>> mind. Besides, it's all we have. Here is a short play for two actors.
>> Let's call them Schmidt, a tough, savvy consultant, and McCain, a
>> candidate. All names have been changed to protect the innocent.
>> Schmidt: McCain, Get your ass over here and look at this map.
>
>> McCain: It's the U.S. with the states red and blue. Seen it before.
>> What's your point?
>
>> Schmidt: Obama's gonna win all the Kerry States. You have a small
>> chance to pick off New Hampshire but 60%% of the people think you're
>> pro choice. When they find out you've been pro life for 25 years,
>> forget New Hampshire.
>
>> McCain: Where does that leave me?
>
>> Schmidt: Bush won 286 to 252.
>
>> McCain: Fine with me.
>
>> Schmidt: But wait a minute. Obama campaigned like crazy in Iowa. Won
>> the caucuses big time. You barely set foot in the state. The people of
>> Iowa take their caucuses very, very seriously. You insulted them. Make
>> that 279 to 259.
>
>> McCain: I still win.
>
>> Schmidt: We're not done yet. Obama has been leading in New Mexico all
>> year. State's full of Latinos. They preferred Clinton but they're
>> still Democrats at heart. I think we're toast there. Now its 274 to
>> 264.
>
>> McCain: A win is a win. Still better than Florida was.
>
>> Schmidt: Yeah, but now Obama is just 5 EVs short of a tie (which means
>> it goes to the House and he'll win there) and 6 EVs short of a clean
>> win. Look, there are six swing states this time: Florida, Virginia,
>> Ohio, Missouri, Colorado, and Nevada. We have to win all six of them.
>> Can't lose a single state or we're dead meat.
>
>> McCain: I'm a fighter. You know that. The gooks couldn't break me.
>> I'll campaign like hell in all six. Don't worry.
>
>> Schmidt: I'm worried. We're 50-50 on all six. It's like flipping a
>> coin six times and getting six heads. One chance in 64, roughly 2%%. We
>> have to do something dramatic. Something that will throw all
>> calculations out the window. Something that completely shakes up
>> everything. Something that gives us a fresh start. Gotta hit the RESET
>> button.
>
>> McCain: Have something in mind?
>
>> Schmidt: Yeah. Pick a black or a woman for Veep.
>
>> McCain: You mean I can't pick Joe? He's my friend and a great guy.
>
>> Schmidt: Half the convention would walk out. Besides, Jews aren't a
>> novelty any more. Thank Gore for that.
>
>> McCain:. Shit. But blacks are fine with me. Colin Powell is a great
>> American and one of the most respected people in the country.
>
>> Schmidt: He doesn't want the job
>
>> McCain: No sweat. Condi's the smartest woman I know. Mind like a bear
>> trap. She'll run rings around Biden at the debate. She'll say: "I've
>> been there. I talk to Putin every week. You're just an old windbag"
>
>> Schmidt: She's got "BUSH III" emblazoned on her forehead. And Obama is
>> a happily married man with two adorable little girls, Condi's a single
>> black woman who is apparently not much into families. Won't work. What
>> about Kay [Bailey Hutchison (R-TX)]?
>
>> McCain: She's tired of the Washington rat race. She wants to go back
>> to Texas. Be governor or something, you know like Ma Ferguson.
>
>> Schmidt: Ma's husband, the governor, was impeached and convicted. Ann
>> Richards would be a better role model. What other women do we have?
>
>> McCain: Jodi [Rell] and Olympia [Snowe] are smart and popular but pro
>> choice. The Base distrusts me already. They'd mutiny.
>
>> Schmidt: Elizabeth Dole? Susan Collins?
>
>> McCain: With either of those we lose a Senate seat. I don't want to
>> have 60 Democrats to deal with over there. Reid might grow a spine.
>> Can't encourage that.
>
>> Schmidt: Lisa Murkowski?
>
>> McCain: Her dad appointed her. She won on her own later, but I don't
>> need to deal with nepotism and cronyism. Smells like Bush. I'm a
>> maverick, remember?
>
>> Schmidt: Got it. Some businesswomen? Sarah Palin?
>
>> McCain: Carly [Fiorina] is great on economics, but she nearly she ran
>> her company into the ground so the board fired her and then gave her
>> $40 million so she wouldn't feel bad. The 20,000 people she fired
>> aren't too keen on her. Meg Whitman did a fantastic job at eBay but
>> nobody's ever heard of her.
>
>> Schmidt: So Palin's the only one left? What about her?
>
>> McCain: I met her once, at a governors meeting. Cute as a button. She
>> ran for Miss Alaska. Came in second. I woulda voted for her. But it's
>> a real Hail Mary pass. She's popular up north there where the sun
>> never shines (except for some minor problems when she tried to fire
>> her state trooper brother-in-law). She was pregnant with a Down
>> syndrome baby and didn't abort him. The Base will love that. Her
>> hobbies are riding her motorcycle and hunting moose. The coal miners
>> in Appalachia will go wild over her. How fast can we print a million
>> 8x10 color photos of her for their lockers?
>
>> Schmidt: Fast. But what about her experience. I mean, she's only been
>> governor a year and a half. What did she do before that?
>
>> McCain: I think she was mayor of some village with six igloos. Who
>> cares? I think you're right we have to shake things up completely.
>> Change the game. The Base will eat her up on abortion, the Hillary
>> fans will see that we respect women (unlike their guy). We grab the
>> mantle of reformers. The white guys will be transfixed by this hot
>> chick who hunts moose. I get to be Maverick-in-chief. Sounds like a
>> winner.
>
>> Schmidt: What about the debate with Biden? What if the moderator says:
>> "What would you do if Russia invaded Georgia again?" and she says:
>> "I'll get on Air Force One and fly to Atlanta immediately."
>
>> McCain: Most Americans can't find Georgia the state on a map, let
>> alone Georgia the country. I'll get Lugar to tutor her on foreign
>> policy. He knows everything about it. I'm sold. Let's go for it.
>> Curtain falls.
>
>> Well, maybe that wasn't the exact dialog, but the core idea is true:
>> they had to do something dramatic to have a chance and picking a woman
>> was probably their best shot. And most of the candidates had some flaw
>> or other. Palin had the fewest problems.
>> Today's Polls
>
>> No state polls today [hence, the play--got to have some copy :-) ].
>> However, Obama is getting a bounce in the national polls. Gallup's
>> tracking poll puts him ahead 49%% to 41%% and Rasmussen's tracking poll
>> puts him ahead 49%% to 45%%. These are three day averages and all the
>> interviews were done before Obama's acceptance speech. We could see
>> more bounce tomorrow. But with the Republican convention starting
>> Monday, it might fade fast.
>
>> Ramussen ran a poll Thursday on the various Veep picks, including
>> Sarah Palin. The results: 14%% have a favorable view of her, 18%% have
>> an unfavorable view of her, 67%% have never heard of her. This means
>> that both parties are going to scramble to define her. The Republicans
>> will push the young reformer from outside Washington angle. The
>> Democrats will say she makes Dan Quayle like look a graybeard.
>> Traditionally, tickets are balanced by geography. This time they are
>> balanced by age. Obama the newbie, picked one of the most inside of
>> all the insiders. McCain the sage old warrior went for fresh blood to
>> revitalize the party.
>
>
> Cute.
>
> Here's how Obama picked Biden.
>
> Obama, Ted Kennedy, Guido
>
> Obama: Ted, can I pick my own guy?
>
> Ted:
>
> Obama: Could you please put that bottle down and answer my question,
> boss?
>
> Guido: You talkin' to me!? You talkin' to me!
>
> Obama: N-n-n-n-n-no sir. I was just asking Senator Kennedy for
> permission to pick my own guy.
>
> Guido: You got a problem with what he told you?! Well do ya, punk!
>
> Obama: N-n-n-n-no sir. Biden it is then. Right, Ted?
>
> Ted:
Check the internal polls and this selection was the only one McCain
could make. If it were Romney or Huck people would have looked at it
as the two men party. With Palin it's a winner. She's smart and
google her and watch her because she's no Dan Quayle. She'll hold her
own. I spoke to my Aunt last night who is 75 and she wasn't planning
on voting for McCain because she doesn't care for him. She would have
sat the election out because she detests Obamasama. With this
selection she's going to vote simply because she said it's high time a
woman gets on the ticket. How many other women not excited about
McCain will do the same? She'll be surrounded by good people and
Senator Dick Luger of Indiana will bring her up to speed. She'll
learn fast with her son going to Iraq.
