On Wed, 13 Aug 2008 09:35:42 +0000, Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler
wrote these lies, denials, arrogant assertions, erroneous presuppositions,
and/or obfuscations:
Hmmm. This would be the original copy, that I apparently forgot to
actually send, hours ago.
> BOBO AWARD
>
> The winner is...PATRICK MICHAEL SULLIVAN!
>
> Patrick Michael Sullivan AKA The Kearsley Curse
>
> 18 votes YES
> 00 votes NO
>
> Congratulations, Mr. Sullivan! Your kooky crusade against Magnus Pym
> really knew no bounds, even down to making defamatory posts about him
> after the suit was filed, which resulted in a judgment worth years of your
> earnings, and attempting to abuse the AUK awards for your personal
> revenge, which will earn special recognition from me later in this
> ceremony. Here's my advice to you--the next time someone serves you a
> nice hot mug of STFU, you really should drink it.
I must say, he was getting to be a bit much.
> KOOK OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!
>
> 12 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho
> 11 votes Scott Abraham
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations, Aggy! Your self-aggrandizing posturing, fannish
> absurdities, endless flamewars, and pseudointellectual definitions (hat
> tip to Fandom Wank) put you ahead of someone whose kookery was so
> spectacular, it was written up in Wired. If USENET had an audio channel,
> you'd be hearing sounds of awe as we (tinw) wonder with dropped mouths how
> you were able to make a greater fool of yourself than your competition!
A goldmine, I tell you, a goldmine of quotes!
> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...YADS AKA THE DOCTOR!
>
> 09 votes David "Yads" Yadallee AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
> 06 votes Craig Chilton
> 03 votes No Einstein
> 00 votes None of the above
>
> Congratulations, Yads! Your utter inability to comprehend the voting
> instructions for the ballot, first by sending the ballot to Snarky, then
> by voting against yourself, not only resulted in your ballots being
> shredded and used for Fluffy's Litter Box, but also helped convince the
> other voters that you were utterly clueless. No wonder the Adric Award
> for cluelessness was named after you!
No wonder, indeed. How he avoided AUK's attention since its inception
until last month is a mystery to me, because he started back in '90 or
'91, in February.
> COWARD OF THE MONTH
>
> The winner is...SCOTT ABRAHAM!
>
> 12 votes Scott Abraham
> 10 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho
> 00 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations, Schattie! One can win this award by making real-life
> threats against other posters or by running away when pressed to make
> good on kooky claims. You managed to do both, earning you long overdue
> recognition for your cowardice.
Wow, split decision.
> GOLDEN KILLFILE
>
> The winner is...TOP POSTER!
>
> 09 votes Top Poster of rec.arts.drwho
> 08 votes David "Yads" Yadallee AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
> 01 votes Neither of the above
Awww, so close to a tie...
> Congratulations, one whose nym is TRVTH in advertising! In a contest
> between you and the object of your obsession, you won the honor of the
> person on USENET unworthy enough to be ignored by everyone. At least
> you can say you beat Yads in /something/!
True.
> JOSEPH BARTLO MEMORIAL PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
>
> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!
>
> 11 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie
> 05 votes Bucky Breeder
> 04 votes Bob Milby AKA Patriot Games
> 03 votes David "Yads" Yadallee AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
> 00 votes None of the above
>
> Congratulations, Lamie! You certainly lived down to your nickname this
> month, which is why you beat such a field of notoriously pathetic
> contenders.
He's quite the phenomenon.
> Stay right there. The next one is yours as well.
>
> BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
>
> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!
>
> Jamie "Lamie" Baillie
>
> 15 votes YES
> 02 votes NO
>
> Congratulations again, Jamietard! Is there any hook that the NANAE,
> NANAU, and AUK regulars cast in your direction at which you won't bite?
Survey says: *No*!
> Now sit down. You won't be called on until the end.
>
> PALMJOB PADDLE
>
> 09 votes Bob Milby AKA Patriot Games
> 08 votes Yads AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
> 01 votes None of the above
>
> Congratulations, Patriot Games! In a squeaker, the voters of AUK
> decided that you were the one most spanked by the regulars of your home
> group this past month. Now, take this pillow. I doubt any of the
> chairs are quite soft enough for you.
Lot of squeakers this month...Appropriate for Milby, who has a very
"squeaky" vibe.
> TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
>
> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!
>
> 14 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho
> 03 votes Zarbiface of rec.arts.drwho
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations again, Aggy! Your prolonged meltdown, complete with
> ridiculous ranting and over-the-top assurances that you really are a
> manly man, certainly got the attention of alt.usenet.kooks. All that
> was missing were the threats to leave USENET forever. Now, tell us
> (tinu) again your thoughts on yaoi.
Aggie can never leave usenet. He's chained to his desk. Obviously, the
chain is molecularly bonded to both his skin *and* the desk...
> DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
>
> The winner is...ANDREW CHUNG!
>
> "Atlanta's non-drought" by Dr. Andrew B. Chung
>
> 14 votes YES
> 00 votes NO
>
> Congratulations, Double-Doctor! With your recognition for contributions
> to pseudohistory, you now have a full collection of all the awards AUK
> gives out for creating and promulgating bogus knowledge.
How's the weather down there, Double-Doctor?
> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
>
> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!
>
> 10 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho
> 09 votes David "Yads" Yadallee AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations a third time, Aggy! If it weren't for your campaign to
> convince the readers of rec.arts.drwho that the producer made a cameo,
> you wouldn't have been on the ballot for /any/ awards this month. So,
> how did using someone's vandalism of Wikipedia to prove your point, only
> to have it revealed as a prank on you, work?
I'd say it worked most brilliantly, but I'm sort of biased.
> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
>
> The winner is...RAY GORDON PARKER!
>
> 14 votes Ray Gordon Parker
> 08 votes David "Yads" Yadallee AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations, Roofie Ray! Instead of being considered the expert on
> how to get chicks fast, you're considered one of the biggest stinkers on
> USENET. Pivot on that!
ultimately prevent all kookologists from ever posting again>
> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
>
> The winner is...SPANGLEBABYKINS!
>
> 09 votes Jennifer "Spanglebabykins" Nance of alt.gossip.celebrities
> 04 votes Y.Y. Porat of sci.physics
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations, Spangles! Instead of an award for trolling, you got an
> award for screeding. Next time, say more with less.
I do hope someone remembers to let the gang in alt.gossip.celebrities hear
about this...Never mind.
> GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
>
> The winner is...AGAMEMNON!
>
> 12 votes Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho
> 07 votes Y.Y. Porat of sci.physics
> 01 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations for the last time this month, Aggy! Pleace to define
> 'kolofiliacs' and ['idiogenogamotics'] and use them in a sentence. Oh,
> and do so without calling anyone a racist troll; it's bad form to leave
> your projector running.
Don't forget to say "Greek Idiot"...Or "poutso kelftis", whichever.
> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
>
> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE, TRAINED BY THE NANA*
> SUBHIERARCHY!
>
> 13 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie, trained by the NANA* subhierarchy
> 03 votes Ernie Primeau, trained by Farrel Manne
> 02 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations, a third time, Spamtard! It isn't often that I
> recognize someone for having so many leashes at once.
Not often that someone comes along who's so thoroughly pwned...Even more
owned than the guy who sees Farrel Manne in every poster who disagrees
with him.
> EDMOND WOLLMANN MEMORIAL "RUBBER TURKEY" FOR JULY 4TH 2008
>
> The winner is...BRAD GUTH!
>
> 10 votes Brad Guth
> 05 votes Craig Chilton
> 00 votes Neither of the above
>
> Congratulations, Guthball! Your meltdown over Independence Day weekend
> about Mars, Venus, JAXA Selene, and anything NASA /still/ isn't
> finished. No wonder you're the first American kook to get a Rubber
> Turkey for the 4th!
Alas, poor Craig, no awards for him.
> TINFOIL SOMBERO
>
> "An executive award, a Vote Wrangler's privilege, to grant to those out
> there who would seek to overthrow the Friendly Neighborhood dictatorship
> of this froup. Time and again various Kooks have attempted to either
> hijack the awards, start votes of their own, or give the FNVW a free
> non-expenses- paid ticket to the Motel Deep 6. This should never go
> unpunished. Such insubordination goes beyond the normal bounds of those
> wacko enough to wear the tinfoil hat, therefore, the FNVW shall have the
> privilege of granting the TINFOIL SOMBRERO, upon receipt of substantial
> enough evidence of said insubordination."
>
> After a long period when no kook has been crowned with this award, this
> month sees there, count them, three who have earned the honor.
>
> The winner is...THE FAKE CROSSPOSTING ERNIE PRIMEAU!
>
> Fake Ernie, you were warned that I would look very dimly upon repeat
> efforts to campaign for Ernie by forging him and then voting for
> "yourself." You went ahead anyway. Enjoy your new headgear!
I can't recall how many times I warned alt.baldspot about that.
> The winner is...PATRICK MICHAEL SULLIVAN!
>
> So, Kearsley Curse, you repeatedly tried to abuse the AUK nomination
> process to humiliate someone suing you. Not only did it contribute to
> your CDN$170,000 judgment, it convinced me that you were, in your own
> way, trying to hijack the awards for your own perceived benefit. Over
> the past two years, I've had enough of wankers like you. Enjoy your new
> headgear!
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!
> The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!
>
> Congratulations, Bucky! You earned this award the old fashioned way, by
> passing out bogus awards to kookologists. For that, you earned this
> nice new hat with the shiny side out. Enjoy your new headgear. May it
> be the first of many awards for your stupid net tricks.
Well, that's something, at least. He's quite PM4L-esque, isn't he?
> EMMETT GULLEY OBSESSO AWARD
>
> "A special award - reserved solely for the most obsessive, stalker kooks
> on Usenet."
>
> The winner is...CHUCK LYSAGHT!
>
> Congratulations, Chuckles! You earned this award years ago, but the
> opportunity to present this to you by acclamation didn't occur until you
> brought up your stalking by whining at your trainer Kevin Cannon. You
> now join Gerald Newton as the other kook with this honor who can still
> earn awards.
Gooooo, Chucknozzle!
> ORDER OF LENIN FOR USEFULNESS (SECOND CLASS)
>
> The original Order of Lenin for Usefulness recognizes kooky service on
> behalf of kookology and has the following description:
>
> "A unique award, the Order of Lenin for Usefulness has been created to
> recognize kooky service on behalf of kookology in general and AUK in
> particular. The Order of Lenin for Usefulness is very similar to the
> proposed Loose Cannon Award, and is therefore not exactly a kook award,
> but not exactly a merit award either. As such, it fits someone who will
> gladly serve kookology while still being recognized as a kook. "
>
> While this award serves a rare, and perhaps unique purpose, it doesn't
> fully cover all situations in which USENET posters who are neither kooks
> nor recognized kookologists perform exceptional if sometimes accidental
> service on behalf of kookology. Therefore, a new award, the Order of
> Lenin for Usefulness (Second Class) has been created. Here is its
> description.
>
> "A unique award, the Order of Lenin for Usefulness (Second Class) has
> been created to recognize service on behalf of kookology in general and
> AUK in particular by people who are neither recognized kooks nor
> kookologists. While similar to the original Order of Lenin (now to be
> called the Order of Lenin (First Class)) in recognizing actions that
> benefit kookology, this one is intended to recognize those independent,
> apparently non-kooky souls whose efforts on the Internet, accidentally
> or intentionally, have benefited kookology in general and AUK in
> particular by bringing new kooks to AUK's attention, or inducing
> previously difficult to capture kooks to remain in view long enough to
> earn awards."
>
> Both versions of the Order of Lenin are given out by executive decision
> of the FNVW.
>
> The winner is...DOIRE!
>
> Congratulations, Doire! If it weren't for your writeup of Agamemnon's
> escapades on Fandom Wank, "The rise and fail of Agamemnon," this month's
> AUK ballot would have looked /very/ different, and probably wouldn't
> have had /any/ candidates from rec.arts.drwho on it. For inspiring the
> kookologists of AUK to take a serious look at the kookery of
> rec.arts.drwho, you have earned this award. Thank you, Comrade Doire
> and welcome to the Dark Side--we have cookies!
"Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-CHEEP, cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-CHEEP,
cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-CHEEP, cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-CHEEP..."
Conga-rats, Doire!
> HAMMER OF THOR
>
> The winner is...SNARKY!
>
> Pope Snarky
>
> 16 votes YES
> 00 votes NO
>
> Congratulations, Snarky! Your efforts on behalf of kookology by smiting
> kooks, distributing the ballot, and filling in content on Kookpedia have
> finally been rewarded.
>
> ALL HAIL SNARKY, FOR HE HAS MUCH GREATNESS!!!1!!!
I can't stop grinning. Thanks. Thanks to everyone who voted, your cheques
are in the mail. It's great fun, smacking kooks, and it's a greater honour
to be recognised for doing it.
> OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
>
> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!
>
> 15 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie
> 06 votes David "Yads" Yadallee AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
>
> Congratulations, Dramatard! Your meltdown over your Kookpedia entry,
> along with your attempts to rmgroup your fan groups, has cemented your
> hold on this office.
Man. Yads is running around looking like a half-squashed Warner
Bros.-Tasmanian Devil.
> OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
>
> The winner is...JAMIE "LAMIE" BAILLIE!
>
> 12 votes Jamie "Lamie" Baillie
> 05 votes David "Yads" Yadallee AKA "The Doctor" of rec.arts.drwho
> 04 votes Bill Hughes
>
> Congratulations, Lamietard! Even a former holder of this office and one
> of the hot new kooks couldn't dislodge you.
Yep, definitely Taz.
> This concludes the announcement of the winners of the July 2008 Usenet
> Kook Awards. Thirty-eight entities submitted forty ballots. One of
> these was from someone who changed his mind, so the original ballot was
> shredded and the second ballot accepted. Another was a forgery that,
> worse yet, voted for the person being forged. The repeat performance
> has resulted in the forger being crowned with a Tinfoil Sombrero. A
> third person first emailed the ballot to the wrong person, then voted
> against himself, despite having been told that doing so was against the
> rules. Of course, both of these ballots were shredded and added to
> Fluffy's Litter Box. Consequently, thirty-six ballots were deemed valid
> and counted. The good news is that the money that would have been spent
> on cat litter this month has again been redirected to the the COO Beer
> Cooler (TINCOOBC). The bad news is that I could afford only one sixpack
> of La Fin du Monde this month. The first six people opening the COO
> Beer Cooler will get lucky, to say nothing of drunk!
> See you all this weekend, as this month's nominations will come out.
> Then, I will actually run the alt.fan.art-bell awards (there is now a
> home for them on Kookpedia). Also, there will be nominations for the
> Richard Nixon Pathological Liar Award. Finally, the August election,
> which will choose the Jayne Kulikauskas "Chump of the Summer" will be
> held. Until then, hail Fluffy and may Bob have mercy on your souls!
All hail Ming, Bob, and Fluffy!
--
________________________________________________________________________
Hail Eris! mhm 29x21; TM#5; Anonymous Psycho Criminal #18
TEH USENETS BULLIE
http://www.runescape.com/
Join my RuneScape clan!
http://z11.invisionfree.com/Holy_Pretzel_Cabal/index.php
Full name of clan: Cabal of the Holy International Discordian Internet
And Usenet Terrorist Pretzel
Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle
Trainer of PorchMonkey4Life
http://www.screedbomb.info/porchie/
Pierre Salinger Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker, June 2008
Hammer of Thor, July 2008
Vote in the July 2008 Kook Awards! Note: Ballots _must_ be posted to
alt.usenet.kooks to be valid.
Message-ID: blackhelicopter.databasix.com>
"Not supporting me is equivalent to forfeiting your own rights." --
John D. Wentzky: Warrior For Your Freedumb! Message-ID:
<33km2419sg6fnq3shtbatqa602eagfbskl@4ax.com>
"You cognatatively challenged fool!" -- According to Agamemnon, Stephen
Wilson is, apparently, highly ignorant about cognates, and so is anyone
who dares to disagree with him, in Message-ID:
eclipse.net.uk>
"Is it still necrophilia if I'm conscious?"
-- Owen Harper, "Dead Man
Walking", Torchwood (20/207)
