Klosck wrote:
> Friday, Febuary 9th, 2007.
> So here I am, in my fourth week. I know that I am supposed to go out
> 3-4 nights a week, but if you are someone with a full time job, this
> is practically impossible. Back incollege, I could have done this
> easily, but I'm 27 now. Also, I live in IOWA. Finding an active night
> spot 3-4 days a week is practically impossible. So I have to make the
> best with what I can on Friday and Saturday.
Try going out mid week just once, vary the days and the places you go
to. And ask around, ask random places where might be somewhere good to
go.
For instance where I live, I'd typically go to the city/viaduct on a
saturday/friday and it will be packed. But mid week these places are
rather dead.
But there are pockets of other places that are good during the week.
Like recently I went a Parnell (a city fringe suburb) and had a blast
there with a few places pumping, and this is on a tuesday evening.
And I've heard others are good mid week, like I have friends who go
over to takapuna (is across the harbour bridge for the city centre) on
thursdays when it is meant to be good. etc...
So basically, look around. You could be surprised, often there is a
lot more a to city's night life than what you see at first glance.
> I've never done this before. It can be pretty intimidating to enter a
> place where everyone seems to be with their friends, and you appear to
> be a lonely outsider. This is hardly a situation conducive to
> demonstrate being an alpha male. On the other hand, it can be quite
> liberating. How many times have you sat at home because you had noone
> to go out with? Most of my friends have girlfriends and prefer to sit
> around in small bars and drink. They rarely want to go out clubbing
> anymore. Now that I've gotten rid of the need to go out with a friend,
> I can go where I want, when I want.
>
Exactly!! I used to go out alone a lot, and loved it. I'd get up to
such crazy things.
But more recently I've nearly always been going out with friends, I
suspect it has made me kinda weaker than I used to be.... :s
Because I nolonger force myself to quite the same extent when I have
friends around.
Anyway, the point is there is obviously nothing wrong about being with
yourself! The challenge is fun. Has positives, like you are much more
focused outwards in noticing opportunities than when you are inwards
focusing on your friends instead.
> When I go out alone, I always try to appear confident, and that I have
> friends located somewhere else in the club. I know that if it becomes
> evident that I am indeed alone, I will generally be shunned by the
> girls. This is bad. It usually works best to warm up with a less
> attractive girl. Also, if I hit on a girl and things go well, and we
> separate, it is possible that she may seem me later on alone, which
> destroys the illusion that I am trying to create. I suppose that with
> time, this shouldn't be a problem as I will have more success, but for
> now, it was caused me some embarrassment.
>
You are right about approaching less atractive girls if that helps
you. Also do more throw away sets, approach guys. Anybody and
everybody could be good. It keeps you in an excellent state and builds
up your momentum.
> On my technique:
>
> I am not a very good follower of the 3 second rule. Damn it! I know
> that I need to get over this. I have missed many, many opportunities
> because of this. Although I must say, that there have been plenty of
> times where if I would have approached, I would have found myself
> talking to her with her boyfriend who appeared seconds later. I
> believe that the 3 second rule is important, but you also need to be
> aware of the target's social situation. I still don't know how its
> possible, since 3 seconds is very little time to assess this.
Is it a problem talking to her boyfriend? Really? Think about it..
It isn't really, just relax and be friendly. Then leave the set if you
feel like it.
> 1. They reduce your DHV. An old friend in high school came up and saw
> me talking to this girl. I was a little embarrassed.
You sure it isn't just in your head? What is embarrising to be talking
to a girl?
> 2. They can tend to cling to you if they perceive you to be interested
> in them.
Surely it can't be hard to get rid of them? Or do this, ask her where
her friends are then get her to introduce you to them. Bingo, you have
just opened up a bunch more girls.
> I asked them both if it was 80's night here. The chubby friend (as
> usual) was more interested in me than the HB8.
Do you talk more to the lesser attractive ones first? Toss a neg in
the direction of the prettier one then switch over to talking to her
> I circle the club once, and I find the 30something girl from the last
> club. Some other guy is engaging her, so I move on. I circle the club
> again. To my surprise, her ugly friend comes up to me
>
> Her: "What are you doing?? Go talk to her!
>
> Me: "What?? Why?? She's already talking to some guy"
>
> Her: "Yeah but that guy is an idiot, she is just too shy to turn him
> down. We've already seen you come by twice. She wants you to come talk
> to her"
>
> Me: "Well ok"
>
>
> I've never really done this before. I was kind of taken aback by this,
> so I just tried the direct method. I went up to her in mid
> conversation with the dorky guy, and asked her if she wanted to come
> have a drink with me. I could tell that she wanted to, but she
> declined. I obviously approached this situation in the wrong way. She
> was clearly shy, and unwilling to break the guys heart in front of him
> so suddenly. I should have somehow subtly approached the two and
> isolated her, but at the time I couldn't think of anything better. Any
> suggestions on this????
OBVIOUSLY she wanted to talk to you, and not to the other guy. So at
this point I don't think it matters too much how you do it. You should
have behaved as if you are old friends, not just some random guy
asking her for a drink (which is stupid). Something like "hi, what
have you been up to" and put your arm around her would have been fine.
Also I wouldn't have tried to so much as to take her away as simple
scare the guy off. A lot of guys in this situation would get
uncomfortable and would walk off.
I can remember a very similar situation when there was this russian
guy all over this asian girl I'd been talking to earlier. I just went
up sat down next to her on the opposite of her to where he was siting
on (I'm on her left, he is on her right). And started the conversation
up exactly as I'd left it before, a little bit of this and the guy was
all "I'm sorry, I didn't know she is your girlfriend" and shakes my
hand before he goes. I just say "is sweet man, it is ok now. My
girlfriend is fine now" (she wasn't my girlfriend, I'd only met her
there a few minutes ago!). She was VERY gratefull to me and thanking
me many times over once he had gone! lol
> Her: (Looks at me incredulously) "What????......boy...I'm a STRIPPER!"
>
> I then gave her a cocky smile and walked away. While this didn't get
> me much closer to getting in her pants, I showed her that I wasn't
> intimidated by her, and I threw her off guard a bit. They say that
> negs are supposed to be a little bit friendly, but for some uber
> bitches, like this one, is it possible that you should just say
> something mean to them? For example, if I chose to neg her nails, she
> would have perceived this as paying too much attention to her, and it
> wouldn't have worked. Maybe I'm on to something here. It is possible
> that you need to adjust the harshness of your negs in accordance with
> her bitch level??
Walking away is weak, why did you walk away? Because you were
intimidated by her (what she might do to you after you said that)? You
might not have been putting the message across that you thought you
were.
A good neg should have a bit of push and a bit of pull. Think instead
of another way to call it, "a backhanded compliment".
Perhaps a variation on what you said would be: "your footwork is all
messed up, but at least you are swaying your hips sexy". Or whatever
would have fit her and the place best.
> My usual routine here is that I will buy a Corona, and stand around
> with the other guys waiting for an opportunity to present itself. I
> will usually approach her from the side, and ask her if she knows what
> kind of music this is...or how to dance it..etc... I will talk to her in
> English at first, but then start slipping in some Spanish. They all
> assume I don't know any, so think its cute that I'm trying to practice
> with them. I then start speaking fluently, which throws them off
> guard. This technique still needs some work, but like I said, has
> worked well for me in the past.
Ha, sounds fun! Wish I knew some other pratical speaking languages to
try that out with.
>
> This night however, I didn't find myself so lucky. Since I had been
> here the past 3 weekends in a row, I noticed that I was starting to
> get recognized. In the past, I had used the rouse that I was here with
> my sister and her Puerto Rican husband, that they love this place, and
> they dragged me along with them. Again, this white lie worked, a lot
> in the past, but I started to feel self conscious. Since I kind of
> stand out from this crowd, it is a lot more noticeable if I am alone.
> I even saw a girl who flaked out on me the week before. Since I was in
> pretty much the same situation in which I met her, alone and off to
> the side, I could see in her eyes that she knew something was up. I
> was mildly embarrassed, and tried to strike up conversations with some
> other girls, but nothing was really working. I decided to cut my
> losses and try somewhere else.
>
You might like to try being more honest as to why you are there,
simply because you like the place. Or alternatively go to the place
once or twice a month, and mix in other places to go to instead.
>
> I went to the same divided bar that I had been on the previous night.
> As I entered, I saw an attractive 7 standing outside in the freezing
> cold with nothing but a bareback blouse on. Stating the obvious,
>
> Me:A"ren't you cold?".
> Her: (Ih a sexy Brooklyn accent). "Nope, not at all, I'm a New
> Yorker".
> Me: "A New Yorker in Iowa??, Why would you come here?"
> Her: "I don't know, I'm trying to figure it out myself"
You should have taken it further! At the very least state the obvious
and help her "figure it out". Say something ironic as to why people
(i.e. her) would be flocking to come to Iowa.
> I should have followed up, but I didn't. Inside the bar, I made about
> 5 approaches here. I tried hard to get away from "So what do you
> do..where do you live"..routines, but its harder than you think. I
> tried going into the pattern where you ask them how their night is
> going so far.
Plan out a couple of openers, negs and DHV's before you go out. And
use them for a couple of weeks in a row until they stick in your head,
then more onto a new lot of pairs. You will quickly build up a large
range, and while you are you always have the fresh ones in your mind
that you can remember to use. This should help you keep away from the
borring interview questions (though a couple of them can be fine, even
good).
> At about this time, it was getting close to 2:00am, and it was time to
> head over to the Illinois side. I again chose the Hip-Hop club to do
> my hunting. When I got there, the place was hopping. I could smell all
> the fresh opportunities awaiting. However, as I scoped the place out,
> I soon began to see some familiar faces. As the bars close in Iowa at
> 2:00am in Iowa, many people cross the river to Illinois, where the
> bars close at 3:00am.I wasn't surprised by this, but I have to admit
> it shook me up a bit. I again became nervous that people would
> recognize my aloneness. This was made even worse when I ran into the
> manicurist. Being the trooper that I am though, I still wasn't ready
> to give up yet. I began to circle the club continuously. I thought
> that this would make me less conspicuous, but really the opposite
> occurred. I ran into the manicurist another 3 times. I could see that
> our mildly charming interaction had worn off. I could totally read her
> look. She knew that I was alone, and she knew I was looking for girls
> to hit on. I assume that she probably thought I pretty pathetic. I
> tried to not let it shake me, but it did.
Possible it is not the aloness that she sensed but your embaressment
from being alone that she felt, over time you will get used to going
out by yourself and you will be more confident & not embaressed at all
about being by yourself.
> Remembering a canned come back (Juggler maybe?), I replied, "I will
> buy you a drink, but you have to French kiss me ;)."
Good reply, though I personally wouldn't have even offered to get her
a drink at all. But I'm just a cheap bastard.
> She refused, but I think was amused by the novelty of it. I might have
> been able to make something happen, but I screwed it up along the way.
>
>
> Me: "So tell me, how would you describe your ideal man?"
>
> Her: "Black."
>
> I then tried to get convince her that there a man doesn't have to be
> black to please her. However at this point, she wasn't having any of
> it. It got pretty bad. It was almost like I was begging her to give me
> a chance. Eventually, she just begged me to go and try to find a
> different black girl who likes white guys. I agreed, and ejected
> embarrassed. I called it a night
An idea for next time, get her to imagine a world in which she is
blind. How would that feel for her? Easy to then shift to not being
able to tell a guys skin colour....
Or take the easy option and bust on her for being racist! lol
> Thinking back on this, I know I could have handled this differently. I
> should have asked her what its like to kiss a black man, and
> progressed it sexual things. I should have got her to visualize sex. I
> then might have asked her to visualize me doing those things to her.
> While hindsight is 20/20, I KNOW that many of these women who stick to
> certain races only do it for comfort. I even kind of do it with
> Hispanic women. I will prove this someday.
>
>
> Well, for anyone who cared to read this far, I thank you.
Plus one to those people who have read this far.
> I am not
> writing this so much for an audience, but for me to look back and
> learn from my mistakes.
Agreed, writing stuff down so many times helps makes stuff clear in
you own mind.
> I appreciate any feedback, but I have a
> feeling that the length of this report will fail to hold many people's
> attention. Either way, I won't let this disappointing weekend
> discourage me. I know I need to change my game up. I will try to make
> it up to Iowa City, my old college town. There are plenty of hot women
> there, and it will be a great opportunity to improve my game. If there
> is anyone who wants to go out this weekend, let me know.
I'm up for going out this weekend! (as I always do) Care to fly a
million zillion miles to the ends of the earth to meet up? kidding
> Take Care,
>
> Klosck
