Bosola here with my first ever sarge report from NYC. As some of you
may know I am a total N00b (reformed AFC) who is busily learning the
ways of the GMPUA's (Grandmaster PUAs) so that maybe I can get laid
once in a while. This whole year I've been totally ostracized by my
friends because I got a severe case of one-itis for a girl who treated
me like shit, and I have no one to blame but myself. Anyway, the times
they are a changing. Remember, this is the FIRST TIME I have ever tried
cold approaches in my life, so I still have a long ways to go. Please
critique liberally.

I hit the town with my good friend and pickup mentor Russian PUA (as he
requested to be called) to do some elementary sarging. We met at the
MoMA around 1 PM and I told him I'd just watch him while he did some
sarges. Well, there were pretty slim pickings at the MoMA, or maybe the
mood just wasn't right. Russian PUA's preferred approach was "What can
you tell me about this painting? I don't know much about art." But that
just didn't seem to be working. So we moved on.

1. First approach EVER!! I got blown out severely. Honestly I have
never crashed and burned so horribly in all my life. It was awesome. I
look forward to it happening again. Standing in line at Starbucks after
leaving the MoMA, there's a throng of people standing in front of me
confused about where the line is. Hot Asian Babe (8.75) walks around to
the back of me and I turn to her and open:
- "Hey, you were definitely here before me."
- Modestly she says "No, I wasn't, you are first"
and I say "No, I'm sure you should be in front of me"
- "No, I don't want to cut you"
- "OK, suit myself, quicker coffee for me!"
I gave her a big smile and she reacted positively, and then I fluffed
her for a little bit, asked her what kind of coffee she drinks (black),
then asked why she was drinking black coffee, was she studying or
something? to which she responds yes, she is a psychology student at
NYU. This is where I make my first mistake. I get up to the counter and
I order two coffees: a mocha for me, a black coffee for her. (I don't
intend to pay for her coffee, I'm just ordering it for her. but still
dumb move). Then she steps up behind me and starts ordering, and I go
"No, I already ordered yours" to which she gives me this weird look
like "ok, you think you can get in my pants by buying me coffee?" Then
the coffees come and I pick up the medium one, thinking it's my mocha,
but it turns out to be somebody else's black coffee. OOPS, DRANK WRONG
COFFEE. I should have just continued drinking it and not said anything
but genius that I am I apologized and sent it back. Then I went over to
the serving area and got my coffee, and kind of processed what I'd just
done. As I was walking out I met up with Russian PUA, then decided to
give it one more attempt, so I went back and found her standing at the
sugar bar. I came up BEHIND HER (huge no-no, I know), tapped her on the
shoulder and delivered the most horrifyingly unseductive phrase ever
"Hey, I'm not done with you yet" which I meant to say jokingly, but the
way it came out, it made me sound like a serial killer. She turned back
towards the bar and froze me out. I ran out of that Starbucks like it
was on fire.

2. Central Park
Approached a 6 and 6.5 emanating Euro vibes. Further inspection reveals
accents - definitely Euro. They were sitting at a picnic table by the
ice skating rink smoking cigarettes.
Open: Bummed a cigarette. She handed me the matches, and I left the
cigarette in my mouth for a minute and said "I find it's healthier when
you don't light them." Joke fell flat, maybe because she'd already
handed me the light. So I lit up and we chatted them up for a few
minutes before we determined that they were kind of icy bitches and we
had no interest in them. I would be glad that we got a free cigarette
out of it but I forgot my coffee from Starbucks on the table when we
left :(

3. Ugly teenage girls (not legal) sitting on bench.
Russian PUA and I stopped and asked for directions to the Met (our next
destination). He then moved into the Best Friends test with minimal
fluffing. They seemed amused but also confused by his aggressive
interest in whether they were best friends. We left and I politely
reminded Russian PUA we should probably limit our sarges to women that
fall above the age of consent.

4. Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Met two white college girls, 5's, but dressed in a very spunky,
bohemian fashion.
Opened with Russian PUA's "art confusion opener" but I added a bit of
drama to it to make it more energetic and engaging. I was looking at
some American abstract painting.
Bosola: ::covering face with hands and looking frustrated:: Argh!
Clueless college girls: Whaaaa?
Bosola: I've been staring at this painting for like 10 minutes and I
just don't get it! I mean, it's got a lot of colors, right? The sky is
pink, these buildings are brown, the street is red, I see a Garage (on
the painting on some random part of the canvas is written "garage"), I
see the Cinema ("Cinema" also appears printed on the painting), and I
guess it's in France because I see "Seine." Is any of this nonsense
making sense to you?: Help me!! please!!
This system is predicated on the fact that they most likely know even
less about art than I do (I actually know quite a lot, but this open
requires me to feign ignorance).and in order to make me feel better
about being such an art noob, they will turn the subject away from art,
enabling me to DHV.
I could also DHV by teaching them about art, but that's a little too
normal for me. Anyway, I determined that they were on a school trip
from PA and that they weren't too attractive in the first place, I'd
just wanted to get some practice approaching and talking to women.
Russian PUA entered the picture just as I was about to bail and
prolonged the boredom for another 2 minutes since we didn't have an
eject signal and I didn't want to be rude to the girls.

Around this time Russian PUA showed me a trick which was awesome. There
were these three CUTE J-girls walking around near us, all 7+. He asked
them if they wanted to take a picture and they said yes, they gave him
the camera and did a cute pose in front of the camera doing the peace
sign like al Asian tourists seem to do for some reason when they take
vaca pictures.
Then Russian PUA asks "Are you from Japan?"
- Yes.
Then Russian PUA blows us out by giong "Sayonara!" and they giggle and
walk away.
I almost smacked him upside the head. "Dude, next time say konnichi
wa!"

Let's see... have to consult my index cards...

5. Russian PUA took me to a Barnes and Noble to find a birthday present
for the friend whose party we are going to tonight. I wandered
upstairs, looking for approachable single women. Didn't really find
any. In this venue I think it's tougher to get a good look at a girl's
face before you enter the set because they're all slouching down in
chairs or sitting on the floor with hair covering their faces. I
grabbed a book of erotic stories by Anais Nin and sat down quietly next
to a girl who looked like she might be a prospect. But my phone rang,
ruining the mood. It was Russian PUA from downstairs. He came up and
got me and basically THREW me at a 2-set of Asian girls, maybe a 6 and
a 6.5, looking at Photography books. I opened with the incredibly lame:
"Hey, can you guys recommend any good Photography books?"
"No, we don't really know anything about Photography. We are looking at
this one by Annie Liebowitz." (who I know is like the premier
photogapher in the whole industry)
"Oh wow, I guess that'll do it" I say this with a smile, trying to
connect. But I am having trouble making a connection because I am
standing off to the side of them and they are still both facing
directly toward the bookshelf and slightly toward each other, partly
freezing me out.
"What kind of pictures are they"
"Mostly portraits"
"Oh celebrity portaits? I heard she takes the most amazing celebrity
portraits."
"No just pictures of regular things in her life."
This conversation was TOTALLY STALE. It dragged on for a little bit
before Russian PUA came and bailed me out, saying we had to go.

6. Saw hot girls working behind the counter of a women's clothing
store. 3-second rule. BAM. I turned around and walked into the store. I
sort of fake-browsed for about 20 seconds before striding directly up
to the front counter. There were two girls there, 7 and 8.5 (Euro?)
"Excuse me, I'm looking for something as a present for a 12-year-old
girl"
"well, we don't have children's clothes but we still might have
something nice"
"let me explain, we're doing this thing in my office where I get a
letter from an underprivileged city kid whose parents can't afford
Christmas presents, she tells me what she wants in the letter and I buy
it for her in the spirit of the holidays! So I am her Secret Santa"
"Oh, that's really cool and sweet, what did she ask you for"
"She asked me for a purple and pink Playboy jacket. You know, with the
playboy logo on it."
Hot Euro girl: "Oh, those are really popular! You can buy them in times
square!"
I roll my eyes and go "Yeah but do you think that's an appropriate gift
for a 28-year-old professional to be giving to a 12-year-old girl that
he's never met in his life?"
She goes "hmm, maybe not, but there's other cool places you can get
clothes for her"
So I'm joking and teasing both of them using the whole Playboy Jacket
opener so they can see I'm a cool guy who sees the humor in life and
loves kids. Then they write down a whole bunch of places where I can
get clothes for a little girl (not what I was hoping they'd write down
for me)
I felt some good rapport and possibly an IOI or two but wasn't sure.
Today was just supposed to be a practice run so I didn't attempt to #
close. But this interaction was VERY positive.

7. On the street, approached 2 cute Asian twenty-something's (7's) who
were standing, talking with pocketbooks in hand. This was a bit of a
gamble but I asked them if they had an extra cigarette. They said no,
and I said "You don't smoke. Good for you." and left. Basically the
thing I like about the cigarette bum approach is that it must work due
to the social contract smokers have: if someone is smoking a cigarette
and you ask for one, they have to give it to you, unless it's their
last one, and even in those cases they'll let you bum it. Then the
cigarette takes 5 minutes to burn down, so you have a perfect window
for fluffing them or DHV. The only reason I asked these girls for a
cigarette was because they were young and Asian and I've found that a
very high percentage of these girls smoke. Even if they WERE smokers,
they could blow you out by claiming that they don't smoke, since their
cigs are safely concealed in their pocketbooks, so in retrospect, it's
probably better to only attempt this when they are already visibly
smoking.

I'm working on a few other approach methods utilizing cigarettes,
including this particularly outrageous one that has NOT been field
tested. A lot of the theory I've come up with at this point is pretty
much unusable because I have massive approach anxiety and am too
self-conscious to actually perform these openings yet. BUT I will share
them with you anyway:

(this is totally hypothetical so if you have the balls to attempt this,
please let me know if it works)
See pretty girl lighting up cigarette. Shout "What are you doing? STOP
THAT!" or some variation.
GRAB THE LIT CIGARETTE AWAY FROM HER. Be careful doing this, if she
gets burnt, you fucked up really badly. If YOU get burnt it may
actually work to your advantage.
Throw the cigarette down on the sidewalk and stomp on it like it's a
giant scary cockroach.
OPTIONAL: (actually I think the whole approach may hinge on this
because it demonstrates very early that you are only joking with her)
TAKE A DRAG ON THE CIG before you toss it.
Then turn to her, SMILE, and chastise her hardcore with shit like
"Shame on you! Don't you know that smoking causes cancer as well as
lung disease, emphysema, birth defects? You are killing yourself! And I
am getting really sick of having to try and save these pretty girls
from killing themseles with this poison. they should know better.
You're a grown woman, you should be able to think for yourself! Do your
parents know you smoke?" At some point get introduced, build rapport,
do whatever routines work for you (good C/F routine may be to refuse to
leave until she promises she won't smoke any more, or steal her box of
cigarettes) and # close. Then as you're walking away go "And don't let
me catch you smoking any more, or we're gonna have words."

OK, on to more real sarging: I went to a party with Russian PUA but the
chemistry was a little weird because everyone in the room but me was
Russian, most of the guys were pretty boring to talk to (all computer
geeks) and I didn't really find any of the girls attractive. Sorry
Russian PUA. We had planned to go to another party later but then my
good buddies The Big Kahuna and Mathman (names changed to protect the
innocent) and said we had to go to a third friend's birthday party. It
was almost 10 at this point and I decided 9 hours of insane sarging
with Russian PUA was just about all I could take for today, so I
thanked him for the lesson and took off with my buds.
We cabbed it up to Friend #3's place on the East side and found him and
two other dudes sitting there drinking Coors Light by the gallon. There
were also soft drug paraphernalia lying around and two football games
showing on two different TVs. There was not a female in sight.

I wasn't happy about this but it WAS my friend's birthday so I decided
to chill and have a few beers with him. Eventually even he got bored
and we all headed out to a bar. This is where the fun began. The bar
had a HB9 Asian bartender and my friends were constantly ribbing me
because they know I've got the Yellow Fever really bad and Asian girls
just drive me wild. I'm not able to approach any women yet so the hot
bartenders are still "out of my league" for now. I'll get there soon
enough. Having told Mathman and Kahuna about my newfound ability to
speak to women, they were intrigued and wanted a demonstration. So I
grabbed Mathman, dragged him across the room and immediately opened a
4-set of girls:

8: 4 girls varying ethnicities, min 4.5 max 5.5. What Mathman and I
didn't notice from a distance is that they were all ugly. But the time
we were up on them and the set was opened, it was too late to eject, so
we played along for a little bit. I opened with the "Snooping
girlfriend" opinion opener and they all chimed in with very passionate
opinions on why it is important to trust your lover and not betray that
trust by snooping in their personal things, even if they don't have
anything to hide. I thanked them for their opinion and then grabbed
Mathman and got away. I was getting tired so soon after we decided to
leave, I settled up the tab and headed out with Mathman.

9. 3 Swedish girls: 4.5, 7, 8.5
Walking with Mathman on sidewalk outside I decide I'll do one more set.
I approach three girls who are smoking and ask if I can have one. Of
course they give me one. I try the "best if you don't light them line"
and this time it gets a laugh from all three girls! I hear them talking
some strange language so ask "What language are you speaking?"
"Swedish!"
'Oh, so you are SVEDISH!" (extra emphasis on the V)
"Yes!"
"From SVEDEN!"
"Yes! hahaha"
Then I start fluffing them a bit, introductions were made and I find
out that they are all students and live in new york. The hot one and
the middle one are roommates, the ugly one I'm not sure. Then I say
"hey guys, while I've got you here, let me ask you something..." and go
into the snooping girlfriend opinion opener. This time it worked
beautifully - I think this may become one of the staple routines of my
game. It may have been the alcohol talking but I had all three girls
screaming "crazy bitch! your friend should dump her! dump her now!" and
the funny thing was they kept talking directly to Mathman because I
think they assumed he was the "friend of ours who shall remain
nameless." So anyway at that point Mathman and I were both exhausted
and the girls wanted to go back into the bar so I said "Nice meeting
you all" and we bailed. I did not attempt a number close but I think
that I would have met with success if I had asked.

At this point I'm trying to hone my openings to perfection so that I
feel comfortable in the approach, and then when my current issues with
intimacy are ironed out, maybe I'll start collecting numbers and going
on dates. Russian PUA taught me a lot tonight and I also learned a fair
deal through experimentation. Any tips you can give me would be
appreciated (and please let me know if you are brave enough to try the
cigarette-snatching opener). Look for another sarge report soon.

Bosola.