Jimmi E. Cascade’s
Rules for Finer Living

1) Always keep your eyes on the prize
2) Never buy second rate booze or spaghetti sauce
3) There are two kinds of people in this world; professionals and
amateurs. Professionals know their limitations.
4) Never travel second class.
5) Never put yourself at the mercy of others.
6) Don’t ever go to a free movie
7) The best time to be at the beach is when everyone else isn’t
8) The best time to be awake is when everyone else isn’t
9) Never leave home without something to read
10) When visiting a foreign country, remember that you are not home
11) Never bet with scared money
12) Never go on vacation with more than two people
13) Don’t answer the phone. If it’s urgent, they’ll write you
14) The best type of humor is that which comes at someone else’s
expense
15) A body in motion gathers no amateurs
16) Avoid ceremonies, especially funerals
17) Your bookie is not your friend or buddy. He’s nice to you because
you have something he wants, your money
18) Paying for sound advice is one of the best ways to spend money.
Other good things to spend money on are golf lessons, fast
cars, faster women, Clint Eastwood Movies, and Caesar salads
19) Sometimes, all you can do is get out alive
20) Always act like you know what you’re doing
21) Never gamble with amateurs
22) Don’t go to shopping malls or fast food restaurants
23) Don’t ride elevators
24) Always remember that not only can you not win, you can’t not lose
25) Don’t use a cell phone at the dinner table
26) Things are never what they seem
27) Hard times will make a monkey eat red peppers
28) Don’t live in a neighborhood where the sidewalks are never
scooped in winter
29) Always buy your tickets in advance
29) California is not a panacea
30)Never drop in unannounced
31) Fuck it man