Alternative Tiltes:
* FR: A straight pull in a gay club, wtf is the chances of that!
* FR: D-man keeps his piorities STRAIGHT... bikes first, girls second!
* LR: According to Mystery... a blowjob counts as a lay! Yeah right!
* FR: D-man gets hit on a stupidly large amount, ALL unwanted. grr...
* FR: Topless Guys = A Zillion, Topless Girls = 1
* FR: My count for blowjobs goes up but not for lays?! Is that even
possible?
* FR: D-man fucks up and doesn't get a lay.
* FR: My first night on K Road.
* BR: Blowjob Report
* Other

=========================

I was feeling pretty tired from going out friday night, and the
gradual wearing down grind of the normal week. But I stick to my
recent principle of going out no matter how I might feel beforehand at
home (even though I honestly thinking of giving the night a skip).

I meet up with DrX (a long long time member of the community) over on
the start of Victoria Street (was about 10pm-ish). Where he is
planning to catch a bus to Ponsonby. I'm not at all keen on this idea,
I always go out to mid-city of viaduct. Anyway, he says he will sarge
here in town with me for half an hour before going. As Globe is just
around the corner we pop in there for that time. When we come back to
the bus stop to check out the times for the next Link bus we see there
is a fair bit of time to kill, so then we go across to Asta.

Typical mundane stuff happened at Globe and Asta for a night out, such
as opening a girl by asking for her ID. And she actually thinks I'm
serious! (that I'm a bouncer) So anyway, in the interest of space I'll
skip over this typical stuff. (also code for: "I don't remember half
of what the fuck I did")

Now getting back on track, I feel like maybe why not give it a go in
Ponsonby... change is always good, and I really don't care how the
night goes (as I'm tired I'm really just forcing myself through this,
so why does it matter where I go?). Besides, is feeling fairly quiet
in the city so far?! (nobody else I know appears to be in the city)

DrX and I catch the bus, but unfortunately it is the last bus for the
night and is terminating at the Victoria Markets... drat! At least
because of this the bus driver gives us a free ride. That gets us
across the hill into Freemans Bay, still have a long walk up Franklin
Road. Ah well, guess I'm now committed to this! Almost equally far to
walk to the viaduct.

On the positive side the walk up Franklin Road is visually spectacular
from all the lights that get put up along Franklin Road every year.
However I am starting to regret wearing my brand new pair of shoes...
they are made to look pretty, not be comfortable. Ah well, at least I
haven't slipped over yet. Those leather soles were slipperly as hell.
(then again it feels like walking around on ice, somehow I don't
imagine hell would have a lot of ice!)

Once we have reached Ponsonby Road we cross over and go in a bar,
which I haven't got the foggiest clue what the name was (like I said,
rarely go out at night in Ponsonby). This place is AWESOME, as it is
covered with little round foam balls to make it look like a white
Christmas. Even better when they are dumping new "snow" down from
upstairs with a their fan, the falling snow looks beautiful (even if
it does get in your drink). Anyway, more mundane stuff happens such as
taking a group of girls' camera and taking a photo of them.

While walking past the bar I get grabbed by a girl, initially I can't
I can't remember her at all (she is dressed up in skeleton costume).
Then I click, I'd met her three weeks ago on the bus ride in to town.
(it was yet another number close from the power of my flash new phone.
Which I no longer have, as it was stolen. Sniff, only had it for 84
hours!) After talking with her during the whole bus ride into town, we
went and had a few beers at The Mexican Cafe. Met the rest of her
friends when they came along to there (some of who are at this bar
here in Ponsonby), was fun but once we left The Mexican Cafe I went
down to the viaduct rather than agreeing to them asking me to come
along with them in the taxi to K Road. Though I saw her later on in
the night (i.e. the next morning) when she gave me a lift back to
South Auckland. Anyway, enough of that! I'm not writing that field
report, I'm writing THIS one!

Anyway, DrX is getting tired of this particular bar and is feeling
like another one or making his way around to K Road. As we are leaving
I bump into my friend again and her group, they too are about to leave
and ask me to come along with them to K Road. I turn around to DrX,
but he says he will meet me later on K Road if I stay in touch by txt
(as there was no more space in the taxi). The taxi ride was niiice,
this friend of mine was making out in the back of the taxi with
another girl. Ah yes, sexy times!

Once we get there I see by K Road they mean... Family! (the main gay
club in Auckland) Arghhh crap... wtf, I go along in with them. How bad
can this really be? (silly naive me)

I know I can not properly get across the sheer disturbingness I felt
from that environment. Words simply can't not express it. However I'll
attempt to make a few points, then I'll leave this side of it alone to
focus on writing about the main focus of FR (which is of course girls!
d'oh).

Large numbers of almost naked guys walking around. I have never been
in a strip club, but I'll bet that you don't even see as many topless
people there as you would have at that night in Family. However, there
is a KEY difference between them in that a strip club would have
topless FEMALES. Family has topless MALES! Everywhere you look, even
dancing on the tables. It did feel a lot hotter inside than a normal
bar feels, perhaps this is intential to encourage more guys to take
their shirts off?

I'm not the tallest person in the club. This is only a little tiny bit
weird... until I realise the reason is because of the many guys
walking around in drag wearing HUGE platform heels with even taller
headgear!

Seeing guys making out. Nuff said.

SO MANY GUYS! I've never seen a club with a cockfarm this bad before!
Arrrghhh... except it gets worse, there is this key difference that
they are not all out there with the same goal of getting in a woman's
pants. They are out there to get in YOUR pants!! Double arrrgghh!

Guys hitting on me. Nuff said. Though I do wonder how it compares to
the typical hot girl's night out, I'm sure less disturbing than it was
for me.

Words still can't describe the weirdness I felt. (is there a worse
possible handicap for running normal heterosexual game than what I've
described!)

Was in half a mind to leave my skeleton friend and her group, but
where to then? DrX would still be in Ponsonby, could wait around here
at Family until he arrives on K Road. Or I could walk down to the
Viaduct and meet up with Will Paua and however else. But that is the
opposite side of town, and my new shoes are killing me. Hmmm...
perhaps not, so I default to staying here at Family. Besides, my bus
passes close by to here. Just need to kill a few hours and this will
all be over... anyway, I'd been feeling tired and had very low
expectations for the night so it really doesn't matter much does it?

While dancing on the edge of the dance floor I notice an attractive
looking person dancing in front of me who is FEMALE. Grabbing this
rare opportunity without even thinking I put my palm flat up on top of
her index finger pointed up into the air while she dancing. She then
immediately does a couple of spins underneath my palm, ending up
facing me (originally she was facing away from me). My palm then
closes around her hand, I take her other hand to do a couple more
spins with me. And then I draw her in closer to me, I take her cameo
cap and put it on myself (I was switching the wearing of it back and
forth a couple of times). Grinding follows etc etc as it gets dirtier
(you know how a girl "pecks" when she wants to kiss you, she was doing
that. Though funny when she is so much shorter).

In between all this we were talking a bit too, she pointed out her
friends (a couple of girls off to the right) and mentioned how her
friend is fighting at the moment with this other girl (beats me over
what, some relationship drama I'm sure. Obviously enough I can tell
her friends must be gay, thus that explains why she is here). Little
did I know what a cockblock this relationship drama would cause,
though easy enough to guess and I was soon about to find out. Later as
her friend and the other girl got somewhat more animated, my girl left
to go help out. So I just let her go and carried on dancing by myself,
after a while she left those two and went up to the bar. I saw this as
my chance to do a bit of chit chat, build a connection, find out what
is going on with her friend, etc... So we had a bit of idle chit chat
at the bar, she asked my name, I found out her's is Tracey, blah blah
blah. Unfortunately at just about the same moment as we return her
friend storms off. Which of course means she follows too...

I feel like I might as well follow too, but a quite a considerable
discreet distance... once outside I see the friend has really got her
panties in a bunch, shouting and swearing about the other girl.
Riiite... I can tell Tracey has now obviously been pulled well away
from me along with any chances I had with her, as she has to be there
to provide emotional support for her friend. Ah well, is too bad that
Tracey misses out on me. Without going up to them or saying a word I
simply turned around and went back.

A couple of times later in the night I pop back outside, where I can
just make out Tracey and her friend a couple of stores down. Not doing
anything (except I suppose talking, not that I could hear anything at
that distance), except just sitting there on the ground together. Oh
well, my prediction she would be involved with this mess for an age
turns out to be right.

Somewhat more times passes and I'm feeling like it is time to go catch
my bus. Even though I've got a bit of time spare before it comes by,
leaving here a few minutes early really does not sound like a bad
idea... But as I'm leaving by walking down the stairs from the raised
dance platform, my eye catches sight of a tall-ish looking girl up
against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. I stop and say hi, make
a comment about her earrings (I could use it for basketball and shoot
hoops! Well, almost. Though she bet I could get my whole hand through
them. I was skeptical, but she was right! I squeezed by whole hand
through her earring, while still attached to her ear! lol) And then I
basically start dancing/grinding with her up against the wall
immediately, then making out (even though she thought I am gay, asking
for instance "would it feel weird if you did it with me"? lol, no! I'm
STRAIGHT damn it! Though not sure if she thought I was kidding on not
when I said that).

About 10 minutes of this passes by, when she says she has to go to the
restroom. (sounds like a good idea to me! hehe, though I'm sure she
didn't mean it that way) I lead her by the hand around the corner and
into the ladies toilets (yeah, it would make sense in a gay nightclub
for the ladies to have an empty stall rather than the mens. Normally
I'd take a girl into the mens however (or even better a disabled
toilet), don't want to get kicked out of a bar for going into the
ladies restroom! hahaha).

Bit of initial surprise I followed her in, but I don't let her think
about as I start making out & escalating heavily with her. Is obvious
where all this is heading... after more of this she even checks with
me by asking if I have a condom with me. Excellent, we are all feeling
like the same thing... this is all flowing along very nicely...
until where I start to seriously fuck it up. She is wearing jeans,
which obviously I should have recognised as the primary obstacle to
having sex. Instead I decide to take a diversionary little path off
taking off her top first, to get her topless and play with her boobs
etc... after all, I felt this is going so well I might as well get a
little side tracked and have some more fun along the way. So it is all
going along very nice, when her logical brain kicks in and over rides
her emotional brain. She starts to worry about her top, as I'd cast
her clothes to the ground after taking them off. Oops, those toilets
were one of the filthiest toilets I've ever seen.

So she has to go pick up her top to check on it, which then means
putting it and the rest back on. Oh crap, back at the start again.
Even worse, the backwards momentum has now picked up steam and her
logical mind has kicked in. Oh well, at least she does a really good
blowjob. We make out and fool around some more in the bathroom. But
now she has got it in her little mind she doesn't want to have sex
right now, and instead wants to meet up later to fuck (as she has
discovered I live in the suburb just next to hers, guess she wants to
take advantage of that fact and make a fuck buddy out of me? Meh).

Anyway, after this we go back out and "dance" some more (really, what
people do while dancing is simply upright sex with clothes on. And I'd
much rather have real sex than the handjob while dancing. Ah well,
still all good fun and games). It is getting very late, and I can tell
she is tiring so I take her downstairs to sit for a bit. Shortly
afterwards a couple of people come to her and say hi (they are her
friends, they had been looking for her! mwhahaha). She introduces me
to them, I notice a moment of hesitation as she is about introduce
me... because she doesn't have a clue what my name is!!! Hahaha, we
never swapped names. So I introduce myself, you see I really am a
gentleman! Couldn't let her be embarrassed. lol Her friend says they
are going to get kebabs and will be meet her back here in an hour (as
she is getting a lift home with them). After they have left we talk
some more, so I find out her name. Which is only fair, as she had just
heard my name. lol, names are so not needed. Anyway, other stuff:
19yo, is working part time and studying part time (to become an air
hostess). Is also really into Astrology... a pity, I was starting to
really like her. Then she brings up this mumbo jumbo. lol She couldn't
guess my star sign even though I told her my D.O.B. (got my star sign
right on the second go) Well, more mundane stuff passes. I'm thirsty,
get water (swapping ice cubes while making out is fun. Was my other
reason for getting water, other than simply being thirsty). She asked
for my number, she was going to write it down on her hand but the pen
didn't work. And I took her number instead (though in hindsight,
should have written mine down somewhere), and she wanted me to txt her
right away so that she would have my number (but she didn't have her
phone with her, her mother wouldn't let her go out with it in case she
might lose it! lol). She really does want me, from all this effort she
is making to make sure we can stay in touch.

She needs a smoke (grrr, damn smokers!), and we go outside where she
takes a very short ciggie break. While outside she suggests we go
along to D Bar. In hindsight I should have grabbed this offered window
of opportunity and bounced to there with her, a change of location
would have been good. Instead I take her back inside where we danced
some more before moving back downstairs again. Though it is getting
really late (5am), downstairs is closing so we move back upstairs. Her
cousin who said she was going to pick her up still hasn't turned up,
and it was been waaay over an hour since then. Oh dear, looks like she
is not going to turn up. And I can tell HB19yo is getting increasingly
tired. While we were sitting down skeleton girl comes up and sits down
next to me (leaning right into me, almost merging her body into mine.
lol), asks me if I've seen Ryan (a gay friend of hers). I tell her I
saw him getting along very well with this blond hair guy downstairs,
which means they are probably now on the dancefloor. Off she then goes
to find them. During this HB19yo's body language had shut way down,
arms crossed, head and eyes looking down, etc... because of the kino/
affection skeleton girl had been showing me (more than normal too) but
once she was gone HB19yo's body language shot way back up again and is
giving me plenty of attention. Hahaha, the old jealousy plotline is
working it (on both of them). Anyway, we go back to dancing and then a
little while later I see Ryan go past on the way out, I let him know
skeleton girl is looking for him... when I see her right behind him.
Oh! Damn short people... lol

After dancing a bit more I felt it would be a good idea to bounce to
"somewhere else" (yeah, I was kind of running along on no plan
whatsoever at this point. I was getting tired too), as the place
probably would be closing in maybe another hour or so (and clearly her
cousin is not going to be turning up). On the way out I see again a
girl who I wanted to get her number, so I did that (right in front of
HB19yo, lol).

Once I'm outside skeleton girl comes up to me and asks how I'm getting
home (she too lives in the suburb right next to mine), I say catching
the bus home at 9am (missed the bus I planned to catch at 3:10am
thanks to HB19yo blowing me at the time, but I skipped out saying the
reason why I missed my bus to skeleton girl! lol). So she is going to
crash on Ryan's bed, except he just about having sex against the
outside wall with blonde haired guy... (they would be too, if it
wasn't for the fact they still have all their clothes on. A fact I'm
very thankful for! lol) Skeleton girl goes to stand next to the wall
and stare at them, in the hope it will get them to stop so she can go
home with Ryan. Nah, not having any impact. They are faaar too into
their own little world. Anyway, I go up and push skeleton girl back to
the wall next to them, I put my body up against her and run my hands
along her the same as those two are doing. Then I ask her if she
thinks if those two saw a straight couple (actually, she is bi. But
never mind) kissing they would find that even more off putting than
her stare... (nah, they probably would not!! haha But that funny
idea had just popped into my head anyway) Changed my mind however on
making out with her next to them... after all, is better to keep the
sexual tension high between us. Besides, I already had one bird in the
hand! hahaha, HB19yo was standing right behind me and seeing all of
this.

Anyway, after I'd said the last goodbyes to my friend I turned back
around to HB19yo and we kiss and get going (to where?! I had no idea,
I might have had vague plans of getting food or finding a bar open
late instead. Yeah, it really sucks I don't have a place in town.
Would have been simple to have taken her home. Heck, she was already
following me even though I had no clue where I was going! Not that she
knew that, I've often done that when I take them without exactly
saying where).

While walking past the Turkish Kebab I spot an amazing looking tri-
bike, drop dead gorgeous. Obviously I halt in my tracks to perv at
this sexy as bike. (HB19yo carries on walking, to rest on some benches
some distance ahead) Of course I'm curious, who would own such a fine
bike? I look around and I see #6 (his name is the same as my own, I
used to work & race with. 6 was his number, I was 3. Anyway, I'll
refer to him as "Courier_D") getting up from a table to say goodbye to
a very hot girl (impossible but true, there are girls out there who
look as good as that bike!) he had been having a late meal with. Then
having just said goodbye to her he turns towards his bike and
recognises me. We say hi and start talking (really it should be no
surprise I should happen to know the owner of such a fine bike! lol),
haven't seen Courier_D in ages. In the past we have had conversations
lasting hours, until to late in the morning (you know, standard stuff:
World Peace, Triathlons, World Hunger, Cycling, etc...). I call HB19yo
over to introduce them to each other, but I suppose she can tell from
the conversation we could be stuck in this for a long time and she
goes over to to sit on the bench behind us. Anyway, sometime later...
she comes up to us to tell me another cousin of hers was going past
and has offered her a lift home. And she wants to triple check I do
have her number, and reminds me yet again to txt her soon blah blah
blah... so anyway, we go back to our original conversation. Although
eventually commonsense prevails (it is starting to be dawn!) and we
head our separate ways. No sooner had Courier_D gone when I see
skeleton girl and Ryan walking towards me. Well well, who would have
thought I'd be bumping into so many people at this time of the
morning. She is hungry and orders a kebab. As for me, I'm always
hungry! I notice blond hair guy is nowhere to be seen, so her stares
did work?! Turns out Ryan wasn't completely forgetting about her, and
he wasn't going to be going any further with him as he wouldn't be
bringing back a guy if she was going to be sleeping in his bed.
However, skeleton girl says she wouldn't have minded at all if he had
brought him back to bed! lol She says she can sleep through anything.
hahaha Anyway, eventually she says goodbye (while calling me various
endearing terms & similar kino etc... interesting to note that her
interest in me has gone up even more since seeing HB19yo with me) and
leaves with Ryan (who lives around the corner).

I head down to the other side of town, going to Foodtown to buy food
to eat and a triathlon magazine to read while I wait for a couple of
hours until my bus. (I was right earlier on in assuming it would kill
my feet to walk down Queen Street in those new shoes) So ignore a
handful of other people I later talked to (such as two poor lost souls
looking for Fanshaw Street, were going in completely the wrong
direction), that was the end of my night.

In hindsight this night could have turned out way better (not just in
obvious areas, such as: LESS GUYS). Shouldn't have been complacent,
should have gone with solid game and got her jeans off quickly. The
number one difference would have been logistics, if only I had a place
of my own it would have been a piece of cake to have brought HB19yo
back and then obviously we would have fucked. I'd have bet on myself
that it would have been even better than that. I did earlier on have
the perfect situation for a threesome, when I was outside with a girl
on each arm (skeleton girl & HB19yo, plus I know are Bi) and we are
about leave. They had nowhere else to go but to my place... except I
don't have one! Arrghh... would have been such a piece of cake to
have followed through with that. Too bad, at least I'm now getting my
life sorted so I won't be in such a situation again of having nowhere
of my own to take girls. Never mind, it was still fun and there will
always be another time.

I could have some awkward explaining at the family Christmas Eve
dinner tonight, hope my Grandmother doesn't notice the huge marks on
my neck! "Yes Grandmother, I'm perfectly fine. I don't have these
marks on my neck from being beaten up in Otara. They came from a girl
kissing me while I was in a gay nightclub, then she gave me a blowjob
in the toilets." (my own fault really, I was nibbling on her neck too)

Hmm... what shall I do for my next impossible pull, go to the Mongrel
Mob HQ or the Black Power HQ? lol Maybe go along to a Feminism
conference instead, or a nunnery.

D-man, of The Auckland Lair.

http://www.AucklandLair.com

http://www.NewZealandLair.com