>
> 50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.
>
> 1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to
> popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you
> decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I
> suggest you figure it out.
>
> 2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the
> time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while
> you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.
>
> 3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you
> off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing
> and you're all wound up.
>
> 4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex
> makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men
> pass out. It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding
> it over his head, it's not his fault.
>
> 5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is
> uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but
> when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should
> suffice.
>
> 6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes,
> that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles
> all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the
> time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for
> you.
>
> 7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down
> our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.
>
> 8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that
> shit, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.
>
> 9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of
> stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't
> doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given
> you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
>
> 10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.
>
> 11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's
> about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the
> way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.
>
> 12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you
> want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
>
> 13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts.
> Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush,
> great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But
> for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any
> time down there.
>
> 14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you
> have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha.
> That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
>
> 15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it.
> Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I
> suggest you get some kneepads.
>
> 16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make.
> Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while
> you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked
> you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67%% of women
> would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the
> steps" or "I was putting up drywall".
>
> 17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist
> that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your
> bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your
> responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you
> shouldn't be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.
>
> 18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little
> fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you
> shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he
> calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that
> he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.
>
> 19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes
> sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.
>
> 20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is
> a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20
> minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed
> against the wall. Readjust your thinking.
>
> 21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn't acceptable
> before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke
> you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation,
> don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your
> butt.
>
> 22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I
> know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a
> brother out.
>
> 23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the
> man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the
> covers, either.
>
> 24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all
> the work.
>
> 25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than
> women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a
> little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead
> and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.
>
> 26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's
> your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do
> something to make his job easier.
>
> 27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching
> you. Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand and show
> him how you like it.
>
> 28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding
> that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't.
> Its your choice to stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when
> he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think
> was going to happen?
>
> 29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking
> deal. Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less of one.
>
> 30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on
> all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility
> to start things all the time.
>
> 31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men
> have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that
> are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by
> concentrating solely on his penis.
>
> 32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick
> them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore
> them.
>
> 33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who
> gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want
> to deal with the mess.
>
> 34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when
> he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and
> enjoy yourself. You get a great view.
>
> 35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be
> the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So
> doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at
> it later and giggle at the memory.
>
> 36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not
> making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange
> faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.
>
> 37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's
> hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a
> bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget
> or trip over a goat. It's how you deal with it that really matters.
>
> 38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American
> dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick
> interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so
> much. Know the difference).
>
> 39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton
> mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.
>
> 40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back.
> Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.
>
> 41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will
> happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant
> jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.
>
> 42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so
> he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.
>
> 43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he
> thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not
> working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of
> unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.
>
> 44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is
> more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and
> things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little
> ridiculous of you.
>
> 45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he
> has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo
> says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.
>
> 46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things
> because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made
> by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern.
> They'll wash.
>
> 47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with
> makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that
> later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with
> acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.
>
> 48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But
> changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the
> washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have
> possibly passed by is not the way to do it.
>
> 49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not
> an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified
> and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens
> to every guy". Just move to other activities until it gets hard again,
> and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of
> getting you off. Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.
>
> 50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it
> good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right
> now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap,
> perhaps not in that order.
>
> Done.
>
> dman, of The Auckland
Lair.http://www.AucklandLair.comhttp://www.NewZealandLair.com
