I don't have a good ethical logic here, but it does hit at a moral issue
I've had with Calvinist principle. The Calvanist fundamental principle,
which most protestant churches adhere to, is that all things exist by the
'Grace of God'.

What this translates to is that there is NO degree of sin.

A mass murderer is as sinful, in God's eyes, as, I dunno...say, someone that
jaywalks intentionally against authority :).

The idea is that the "moral" sinner cannot gain good favor in God's eyes by
their deeds, but can ONLY be saved through the acceptance of Jesus Christ as
their savior, whereupon, ALL sins, great and small, are washed away "in
Christ's blood", as it were.

There's a lot of logical conundrums to all this of course as anyone with a
rational mind can see. But for me, the greatest 'leap of faith' was the
acceptance that I could do NOTHING to gain favor in God's eyes.

This was so disheartening to me you see, for I had made a life based upon my
sense of moral consciousness, and I had already made a great many 'self
sacrifices'...you know, things like self denial when I felt a certain
action, though pleasurable perhaps, was somehow amoral in essence. It made
me a bit judgmental I suppose, but I never held anything against others, but
only that I could not partake of certain normally accepted behaviors that
'Guys and Dolls' did, [sic].

One example is that I had a step brother who was a preverbial stud. He
fucked women left and right...all day long, one for each day of the week
when he was in his prime [so it seemed]. But he was also into drugs and
shady business dealings and he fathered at least three kids that I know of
and was never a father to any of them. Yet, the women kept-a comin', ha.

True, I felt some sour grapes. Who wouldn't watching on to that, ha. It
was quite ridiculous.

Wow, I'd have given my left nut (anyway), just to have the sexual choices he
had. Oh, I had some marginal success myself, but nothing on the level that
he did. But I always felt I had an 'ace in the hole' that, at least in my
rationalizations, allowed me some continence of saving grace, in that I
could never live like he did even if I had his choices. Specifically, I
could never have fathered a child [much less at leat 3 of them] and NOT be
as much of a good father as possible [or at least responsible to it].

I felt a certain 'moral perpitude' over and above my step brother, even as
he warranted a certain worldly respect in the attentions the opposite sex
gave him.

I suppose, I felt 'morally superior'. It gave me an inward resolve to
remain confident even in the view of such world class sexual prowess.
I...was the better man!!! [ha, such stupid things we delve in when young].

But it was a superiority that had a cost to it, for even as I may not have
had the raw prowess he had, I also could never have placed myself in the
social circumstances that may have allowed him such success [ie the drug
scene for example, or certain bars and nightclubs or wild parties etc etc].
This 'denial' thing is hard to explain to someone else. But suffice it say,
I could not join in in many of the 'little kiddie' games for reason of the
nastiness I sensed in those games [ugh...horrible articulation here, but I
suppose it will have to do, ha].

I think we would all like to think that the more we TRY to be moral, that
there is some reward, some gain, some advantage to it. If there is a God
for example, would it not be rational to hope our moral behavior gains favor
in God's eyes? I mean, over and above at least serial killers. ha?

But not to the Calvanist. And thusly one of my biggest problems with
protestantism [at least in the Calvanist tradition].

So, a million dollar painting or a $300 dollar painting...according to some
Christian thought, one's intent does not matter (in God's eyes anyway). Sin
is sin; no degree.

All that matters is accepting Christ as one's savior; "All things by the
GRACE of God". Of course, this formula is not real in the real world. It
would produce a horrible justice system for example, ha. Maybe on some
etheral otherworld plane it might work, but here on earth, we need 'degree
of sin' to differentiate 'stepping on toes' from things like 'crashing
airliners into skyscrapers'.