>> Now you try explaining what it means.
>> Start by telling us what you mean by "free speech".
Why?
One of the main forces opposing efforts to achieve sustainability is
narcissism, and narcissistic defenses. Both are often misunderstood and
unrecognized as they undermine efforts at promoting sustainability. These
forces are universal, and exist in almost all organizations in some form.
They are effective for three main reasons; first, they are unrecognized;
second, people are unprepared mentally and emotionally to deal with them;
and lastly people under appreciate the dynamics of empowerment.
Twenty years ago when one heard the phrase "he or she is so narcissistic"
people would be reminded of the Greek story of Narcissus staring at his own
reflection in a pool of water. Since that time through the work of Heinz
Kohut, James Masterson, Robert Johnson and others we have gained a much more
thorough understanding of narcissism, its manifestations, dynamics, and its
consequences in interpersonal settings. It is important to understand and
appreciate that these dynamics operate the same whether they are in the
private, work or public sectors.
Below is a chart which summarizes the parts of the narcissistic self. The
pie chart can be an effective tool in gaining a working understanding of
narcissistic defenses because it breaks the defense into components. This is
important because the parts represent the exact opposite of what narcissism
is addicted to: a complete domination over whatever space or situation it
finds itself, which serves as an affirmation of its grandiosity and its all
powerful nature.
On the surface narcissism presents so the individual appears as confident
and entitled. NARCISSISM loves and demands attention to reinforce its
grandiosity. It needs to dominate and control the "space," to be "more
special" than anyone else. It also needs perfection and immediate
gratification to satisfy its all powerful aspect of its grandiosity. As a
result, inside the individual, the narcissism feels extremely arrogant.
However, underneath the surface narcissism is fragile. Disappointment and
frustration threaten its grandiosity, leaving it vulnerable to feelings of
shame and humiliation exacerbated by its harsh, punitive component. Along
with the shame and humiliation come deep fears of annihilation which are
fueled by the black and white, rigid thinking component: "if I am not
perfect and all powerful, then I am nothing." The extreme fear of being
found out to not be omnipotent requires the narcissism to resort to hiding
its deeper nature. This act of hiding ultimately leaves the narcissistic
self vulnerable to forces that have trust at their core, not fear.
FACTORS ENABLING NARCISSISM TO SABOTAGE SUSTAINABILITY
How do these developmental and genetic factors which become dominant aspects
of both individuals' and groups' consciousness and behaviors interfere with
efforts at sustainability? The narcissistic defense seeks to dominate every
space in which it participates - both on individual and group levels. This
force of narcissism is interested in, committed to, and obsessed with power
and control, and it will sacrifice people and resources indiscriminately.
The narcissistic defense interferes by stonewalling, intimidating, and
dominating attention in group settings.
NARCISSISM is distinguished from true leadership (which shares attention) by
narcissism's use, abuse and exploitation of people, as opposed to enhancing
and facilitating the value of others. Sustainability is dependent on
collaborative, mutually complementary group efforts that seek to maximize
benefits for the largest amount of people without exploiting each other or
the integrity of the environment. This is offensive to narcissism because it
is in direct contradiction to narcissism's values of dominance, exploitation
and control.
So what does narcissism do in the presence of sustainability proponents? It
resists. It resists in a methodical, calculated way toward the end of either
distracting, derailing, or simply stopping whatever program the
sustainability contingent is seeking to implement. Character assassination,
misinformation, and blocking access to funding and other resources are
commonly employed methods.
When narcissism perceives that it could lose control of a situation or
process, it often feels threatened. The grandiosity's sense of omnipotence
is being threatened. When this happens, narcissism's response can be one of
character assassination of those who are threatening its objectives. The
presence of character assassination is another way of detecting the presence
of narcissism.
There is another important way to recognize narcissism. Narcissism is often
contained in language through the use of "I". If a person listens carefully
to another's use of "I" one can detect the grandiosity inside, the part
speaking for the whole.
INTERACTING EFFECTIVELY WITH NARCISSISM FORCES
Recognizing the presence of narcissistic forces is an important aspect of
the transformational process. Moving to the next phase, interacting
effectively with narcissistic forces, involves a number of important factors
which include: awareness of and freedom from victim complexes, freedom from
being intimidated, skills to deal with intimidation efforts, excellent
emotional boundaries, accountability skills, skills for building consensus
with others in the group, empowering others, and a highly developed inner
ability to tolerate frustration and anxiety.
Most people feel victimized by narcissistic forces and narcissists. This is
because they have felt consistently oppressed, suppressed, or frustrated by
narcissistic forces (e.g. bosses, companies, owners, partners, religious
organizations, governments). This becomes problematic in terms of achieving
sustainability. When one is in a "victim state," one sees the oppressor as
the enemy, as the one with the power, and as a result, the victim is easily
manipulated into frustration and anger. The narcissist will utilize this
dynamic to incite people into emotional states which can be exploited into
distractions from the core issues.
Victim states can be detected by the accent the person puts on "they, them,
he or she", which conveys that the other is bad. The most debilitating
component of victimhood in terms of sustainability and transformation is
that the victim perceives the power as being in the other and outside of
oneself. This is in direct opposition to a principle tenet of sustainability
that power is shared, and essential power is achieved through collaboration,
not dominance.
Narcissistic forces are also critical; they can be harsh in their judgments
of anything short of perfection. They can be bullying and abusive in their
verbal criticism, daring others to challenge their destructive communication
tactics. Their underlying message contains some or all of the following: "I
can intimidate you anytime I want. You are afraid to stand up to me, to
challenge me. You are weak and spineless. Sometimes I will say something
that I know is completely untrue or bullshit just to prove that you won't
challenge me." Intimidation is used like a large boulder on a mountain road,
saying "deal with me, or go down the mountain, and forget going ahead. I am
the roadblock through which you must go."
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SKILLS FOR DEALING WITH NARCISSISM
Skills for dealing with attempts to intimidate can be divided into two
areas, intrapersonal and interpersonal. Intrapersonally, it is essential not
to react. This means that reactions of fear, impatience, or anger are not
practical. In their place should be patience and curiosity. On an
interpersonal level, responses and questions like, "that's interesting;
could you explain that?; or, "I am not clear about that; would you please
clarify (or elaborate)?; or, "it seems like there is a contradiction in your
logic." All of these can generate positive results in terms of reducing the
control of the narcissistic forces. This is done through the non-reaction,
which communicates, "you are not so powerful that you can manipulate me, or
us, and distract us from the issue. It is also done through the questions
which communicate, "I/we are not afraid of you; we are not leaving the
space/situation to your control alone; we will challenge you if necessary;
you cannot win through intimidation or disinformation."
Questions like the following are the medium for accountability skills:
How did you come to your decision/position?
What factors influenced your decision?
Have you considered the possibility that you are contradicting yourself?
Have you considered that you have avoided considering some important
factors?
Can you clarify your intent and how it includes the following factors (e.g.
your lack of accurate information/your resistance/your unwarranted/excessive
criticism (which is actually character assassination)?
http://ceres.ca.gov/tcsf/pathways/chapter12.html
