> Well you knew of course when you opened this it was not going to raise some
> philisohpoical conundrum now didn't you? Be honest.
>
> To spare your eyes I have set the text apart with a strong harsh warning,
> hardcore philosphers seeking syllogisms and logical debate stay away. But I
> regard this as something of a bridge builder, just because I know how I used
> to think.
>
> ****************************************************************************
> **************************
>
> ****************#WARNING!!!!!WARNING!!!!WARNING!!!!!*************WARNING!!!!
> !WARNING!!!!*******
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Haven't you been sufficiently warned yet young man?
>
>
>
>
> PROCEED WITH CAUTION REVULSION AND TERROR oooooohhhh!!!
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Why is it that I did not get a 'fabulous new self' when I became Christian?
>
> Someone in His rest, free from worries, doubts, anxieties, my yucky self,
> not having to fight off irresistable impulses ALL THE TIME?
>
> Oh how I sometimes long for my former 'cool' self!
>
> Now how do I tell the raging monster that wants to live inside of me that it
> shant? ( do people use that word anymore?)
>
> Where oh where is my easy new man?
>
> I miss being cool sometimes. Sometimes I miss blowing off things that
> matter. I miss that attitude, that persona.
>
> It is not easy being Christian. It is not only giving up hanging out the
> way you used to , with people you used to, doing things you used to, its
> missing the me
> that I was for so many years.
>
> This is very skeery indeed. I am now geeky and awkward, more so than I have
> ever been in my life. What up with that?
>
> You know, a lot of those yoga people act like Christians, caring for the
> environment and people and the next generation the way they do, eating vegan
> , keeping composed in line-ups where all people around them are losing their
> cool.
>
> Being nice, and kind and other-centered.
>
> Yoga people seem to get God without all of the uncool hang-ups that I have.
> They seem to suffer none of this gawkiness while staying true to their
> convictions. When I stay true to my convictions, it tends to look uglier,
> shabbier, like the rugged ole cross-as opposed to yoga chic.
>
>
> I aksed ( colliquiallism, not a typo) God why did you set me apart and
> suddenly make me so uncool like this I just can't deal. When they talk
> about suffering in the Bible and trials and tribulations I'm all set to
> something extreeeeeeeme man and , of course cool---like a desert marathon or
> bungy jumping off of a tower and its like 'no man, day by day you got to
> feel this awkward bumpy geekiness of being really 'different'.and I'm lookin
> at these people who have the fabulous self that I thought I was going to get
> when I became Christian seem more Christian than I am , in 'good behaviors'
> because let us face it Christian values are people pleasing behaviors----and
> I aks ( colliquiallism not a typo) God what up with that?
>
> Oh Lord, if I am supposed to attract people to being Christian by the way I
> am, oh Lord just let's give up and cancel the contract and call me a
> fraud----puleeeeeze.
>
>
> In fact, I think people are more prone to go 'ick', than attracted to it in
> any way, by anything I do---I mean '*sputter*' puleeeeeze am I supposed to
> attract people to Christ? Help!!!! Help!!!
>
>
> ( being a formerly cool person, I am sensitive to such thinking you know)
>
>
> I pray to God to attract me to people who are doing things that matter in
> this world, and whadda ya know---I get Superwoman as my co-worker. She is
> amazing, truly. Of course she is not Christian, yet she appears to me and
> any sane intelligent human being to be ever more the prototype of what a
> Christian is supposed to be than I am.
>
> And as I go to my healthy natural foods store abounding with yoga chic
> types, I know I am doing what they do and yet my Christian version of it is
> all icky awkward bumpiness.
>
> I psychically feel a multitude of peoples pointing at others in comparison
> with sneering lips and tsk tsking that virtually everyone is more Christian
> than me.
>
> Still I wonder, do they feel the wrath of God with what used to be a simple
> cute benign, teasing of someone else? When they have a bad thought about
> someone else, do they have to pray and pray it away as I do? Do they have to
> take a stand when someone is being gossiped about? Do they have to stand by
> some very 'uncool' ideals and say God's word is God's word, when everyone
> else says that is silly? Or do they just have to go so far as cool will
> take them?
>
>
> When I first became a Christian I used to hide my Bible. Not anymore. I
> might not look outwardly as good as people around me.( I am so clumsy and
> geeky) who I honesty believe look more Christian than I do, and anyone of
> you would say so and be disappointed at my awkwardness. Inwardly I have to
> live this faith through and through, and it ain't pretty. It feels like I
> became Ugly Betty overnight.
>
> Once, some time ago, I had a vision. I became intimitated by the other
> religions and everything they had. This was a purely spritual exercise.
> Mount Sinai was a massive towering mountain, Hindu had this power,
> incredible power that mocked my puny Christian self, Muslim was not as bad
> but again powerful in its word-the Q'uran, powerful in its strong voice. I
> was like a tiny Harry Potter coming up against all of these massive ancient
> pillars, TOWERS. I was thinking they were all the same and all of the
> foregoing were by far greater. At this point my vision of Christianity was
> a rooster with a tin cup around its neck dragging across the ground. Then
> down at the end of my strength, almost out of nowhere came the cross rising
> up out of the massive depths of the sea. It was the most beautiful ---I
> want to say ---calvary-because that is when the horses come riding in to the
> rescue.
>
> It was incredible!!! I was there for awhile thinking we were nothing but
> tinsel and tin..and there it came and there was nothing like it. Would
> never be anything like it.
>
> And God still does that to me in my everyday lumpy bumpy awkward life now.
> Sometimes when you are in the will of God, going to Church is like Christmas
> morning and He wows you with the most incredible gifts.
>
> I go to Bible study and meet with other Christians and compared to yoga chic
> and all the ever capable great people in the world sometimes I can't help
> but feel we are all roosters or hens dragging around a tin can strung over
> our necks. Hideously bumpy and awkward..and we hear the sermons about how we
> are supposed to be this or that and do that and honestly we all have a
> thousand things to fight before being and doing.and yet sometimes on those
> nights God scooches right up alongside us and talks to us about our prayers
> or answers them and its like that cross rising up out of the massive depths
> of the sea---and we are on the mountain, this golden sacred privelege
> talking with God.
>
> And it is just Golden. Sacred. Beautiful.
>
> So I know there are some people who fly in and out pointing the finger and
> sneering at who is and isn't Christian in their estimation. Brother,
> sister, do as I , my bumpy awkward self does-pray that feeling away-bridge
> an understanding.
>
> Because I used to be just like you, and cool to boot.
>
> I had and still have---a lot to learn. In this one thing at least, I am not
> alone.
>
>