I was having a conversation about this book with a close friend and
then found this stuff online which seemed to contradict her and was
wondering if anyone can make the case that the book is right.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, as suggested by the title,
asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from
other planets...
In contrast to some psychologists (and feminists) who emphasize
similarities between the sexes, Gray writes almost exclusively about
differences. Gray briefly mentions the fact that his "Martians" and
"Venusians" are only stereotypes and cannot be applied blindly to
individuals.
Some researchers agree with Gray's ideas about male-female
communications differences. ...However,
other studies do not find such
differences. Erina MacGeorge found
only a 2 percent difference between
communication styles and argues
that "when it comes to comforting, the
Mars-Venus concept is not only wrong,
but harmful.
For the most part, men and women use,
and strongly prefer, the same ways of
comforting others - listening, sympathizing
and giving thoughtful advice."
Some feminists have criticized the book for
being misogynistic [hatred or strong
prejudice against women] and patronizing
When discussing relations with the opposite
sex, one often hears the complaint, "It's like
she's from another planet!", while others
accuse it of being written as a 'self-improvement'
book for women, blatantly suggesting that
women should adapt to men's ways of
communicating, rather than both genders
co-operating. Susan Hamson's web site
"The Rebuttal From Uranus" says:
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/women_rebuttal_from_uranus/
"Despite its promotional hype, at its very
core it is a sexist, patronizing, male-centered
invective which does little more than
perpetuate long-held negative gender stereotypes"
Hamson objects to the lack of reference and
details about the research Gray claims to
have made, as well as to two central points
which she feels Gray makes in his book:
"that men fulfill active roles and are seen as ambitious and powerful.
Women, however, satisfy passive roles"; and,
"although the author may grudgingly admit that women are cognizant
human beings, they must necessarily take a back seat to the dominant
male in their lives in order to routinely accommodate his wants and
desires."
Formal education: The quality of Gray's PhD status (apart from his
unquestionable experience in dealing with many couples) is by some
reports, dubious at best, and fradulent at worse, as the educational
organization his PhD is purported to be from was, at the time,
reportedly a "paper mill for doctorates".
...The cave and the wave
Another major point of Gray's books are the differences in the way
they react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they
find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as "retreating into
their cave." In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to
the garage or craft room.
On the other hand, he believes that women want to discuss problems
when they occur. This leads to a natural dynamic of the man retreating
as the woman constantly tries to grow closer. This becomes a major
source of conflict between any man and woman.
As one reviewer put it: When men go into their cave, they are actually
going through a phase of their relationship with a woman, when they
want to be left alone. Any woman who has wondered why a boyfriend is
not e mailing/calling/messaging/meeting her will know what it feels
like to be shut out of the cave. Women and 'the wave' is a concept
[which] means that women go through periodic phases when they are
unable to keep up their spirits without help and assistance from
understanding men. At such times, 'the wave' crashes, and it needs to
be given love and reassurance to rise up again with its usual
confidence.
