May I suggest Greywolf instead of using your writing time to beat down
others you use it productively to build yourself up?

Writing your problems down is the first start to making the roadmap
for restructuring your life. Restructuring our lives is very important
if we want to get peace.

You are most fortunate as atheists to have this forum here where
thoughts can be shared and discussed. Sometime I get the feeling that
members are scared to be shamed in public by less 'charitable' atheist
members.

If you do not feel comfortable talking about your personal issues,
then seek out another forum with a little more charity to support your
efforts. feel free to write to me if you need help with this matter.

As for myself, I try to not let others define my self worth when they
hurl insults and profanities my way. I always try to remember such
individuals must be great pain and know of no other way than trying to
tear down others in their misguided quest to make themselves feel
good.

Putting our complaints down on pen and paper first crystallizes in our
heads what needs to be changed or accepted in our lives. Getting it
all out and putting it all down is the first start of this recognition
process that leads us to change. Without this recognition, that
something is wrong in our lives, we cannot develop the desire for
change. We don't even know what is wrong to change!

Writing your problems down is the first start to making the roadmap
for restructuring your life. Restructuring our lives is very important
if we want to get peace. Those things that cannot be restructured need
to be accepted. Either way we can find peace -- by change or
acceptance. When you write, it uses a different part of the brain
that mere speaking uses and I seem to get amazing results from writing
as compared to just talking. Writing helps crystallize your thoughts.
Just remember what the Buddhists say in the eightfold path about right
actions. We have to use the right thoughts, the right actions and take
the right direction with change. Just spinning our wheels in the wrong
direction does little, so write about things that matter to you and
your change.

An important thing to remember with any plan for change is the 3-D's:
Desire, Determination and Diligence.

Desire:

Desire is the foundation for all recovery quests. You cannot help
someone without the desire in them to be helped. Desire is what gets
us taking that first step in the right direction when all seems
hopeless. Have you every tried to give advice or help someone in need
and they respond: "I don't care." They lack the desire or at least
this is what they say. Desire must come from within, you cannot force
someone to change, they must change themselves.

To develop a desire to change, we must first recognize there is a
problem or sickness in us. Recognition or awareness is the first step
leading to desire. After we recognize we are sick or an area of our
lives is out of balance, we can start accepting the fact that we need
to take action in this area. When we label addicts or people as "in
denial," we are saying the person is not able to recognize there is a
problem in their lives that needs addressing.

Now some people recognize there is a problem in their life, but still
don't develop a burning desire for change, but at least they have a
somewhat true picture of things and just haven't made the crossover to
developing the desire to change bad enough. Whether their block is out
of fear, laziness or staying in a comfortable place, they will have to
figure out what is blocking them before they can take the next step.
As I said, we cannot force someone to change, they must change
themselves and it must be from the inside out.

Determination:

Determination serves two purposes here. When something is "determined"
it is accepted as fact. We have determined that we are powerless over
our addiction and our lives are unmanageable. We have determined we
must abstain from certain people, places or things that we cannot
comfortably have in our lives. We are in the process of determining a
new set of rules on how to live. We have also determined what
injuries we have caused and what needs to be repaired through taking
personal inventory.

Determination serves a second purpose and that is it keeps us on the
long road to recovery. We cannot keep on this long road without being
determined to change our lives day in day out. Whether it is debt
recovery, clutter, restructuring our complex lives or losing weight it
all takes time and determination to stay on the path of recovery. Many
distractions, detours and set backs along the way, but we should
always be determined to keep pointed in the direction of recovery.

Diligence:

Diligence keeps us from going backwards once we finally arrive at the
recovery place we are aiming for. It takes diligence once we get to
where we want to be to maintain that serene spot, otherwise we fall
back on our old "natural" ways of living. Once you lose the fat, once
you pay off your debts, once you lose the clutter, once you get sober
and abstinent from your drug of choice it takes diligence to keep you
that way. James Allen calls this watchfulness.

"Victories attained by right thought can only be maintained by
watchfulness. Many give way when success is assured and rapidly fall
back into failure."

As A Man Thinketh by James Allen.

Take care,

V (Male)

Agnostic Freethinker
Practical Philosopher
AA#2