>
> most people who knew my grandfather for some time
> understood quite clearly what a strong woman my grandmother was
>
> for putting up with his shit for so long
>
> while he fell into alcoholism early on
> she raised three children
> kept the family together
> worked a variety assembly jobs
> and managed to eventually get my grandfather off of his violent obsession
> with fire water
>
> she also painted
> played organ
> and enjoyed many crafts for fun and eventual profit
>
> he was always chasing danger
>
> his father had been an inventor of sorts and had worked on heating in
> vehicles
> so he was very young when he became obsessed with motors and motorcycles
> and began racing in off-road competitions across the country
> as he moved from job to job
>
> laying dynamite for mining companies
>
> highrise construction
>
> they both smoked with urgency
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> they always wanted to understand things
> and were both very heavy readers
>
> when i was young
> i would walk among their bookshelves
> which filled one of the spare rooms of the house they had finally settled
> in
>
> books on electricity and history and currency and cars
>
> when i was in sixth grade
> grandfather asked me what i was going to be studying the following year
>
> although i had many classes coming up
> i was very excited about one in particular
> and could only mention the things i wanted to learn in my first year
> algebra
>
> he laughed and went into the closet
> pulling out "essentials of algebra: first course"
> by a walter w hart
> published 1941
>
> he said, "you don't have to wait, you know"
> and gave me the book
>
> i took it home and read of polynomials
> equations
> all these pretty games with symbols that i studied
> but the greatest epiphany was that i didn't have to wait
>
> i could learn about something whenever i wanted as long as i found a book
> about it
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> i also learned that studying math was best
> with a bunch of blank sheets of paper and a pen nearby
>
> although the book was fun
> it was also very basic and much of the first part
> was stuff i had already pieced together from earlier school discussions
> and so i would make "harder problems" as soon as i knew enough to ask them
>
> there was a section towards the end called "square root without a table"
>
> it had the following diagram and description of steps
>
> step 1 step 2 step 3 step 4 step 5
> 8 8 8 8 7 8 7
> ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
> |75 69 |75 69 |75 69 |75 69 |75 69
> |64 |64 |64 |64 |64
> ------ ------ ------ ------ ------
> |11 69 160|11 69 xxx|11 69 xxx|11 69
> 167 167|11 69
> ------
>
> although the book did not detail the theory
> it was not long until i had generalised this to cube roots and other
> radicals
>
> i didn't have to wait, you know
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> we used to make ice cream
> with one of those old manual ice cream makers
>
> the outside was a wooden barrel which had metal attachments
> in which would rest an inner metal chamber with the a stirring spoon
>
> all the grandchildren would gather round
> and grandmother would mix the cream
> and tell us if we wanted it cold we'd have to mix it
>
> so we'd take the inner cup outside
> pour a bunch of ice and epsom salts around it in the barrel
> and take turns cranking the thing around until it burst from the top as
> ice cream
>
> i would go first and let the boys finish it off
> while i would go back inside to help grandmother clean up
>
> she was always cleaning up
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> one night when i was very young
> after spending a long time at a party with my mom and friends of my
> grandparents
> just across the street from my grandparents' house
> we walked home
> my grandather clearly inebriated
>
> he sat on the front porch step
> as me and my grandmother nursed his obvious nausea
>
> he looked at me and said
> "go tell your mom she's a whore"
>
> "what?" i asked
> looking to my grandmother to save me
>
> "i said go tell your mom she's a whore"
>
> grandmother shooed me inside
> where i saw my mother on the recliner
> also quite drunk
>
> she looked at me
>
> "grandpa says you're a whore" i told her
>
> "i know" she said
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> they always used to love travel
> but as i got older they found a new urgency to see the world
>
> months driving across new zealand
> cruise ships to the arctic
>
> i saw them less
> my mom had remarried and i had new hells to face
> and so i missed them even more
>
> but they sent postcards
> and always appeared so happy when i saw them
>
> grandfather was not drinking any more
> but they both still smoked with urgency
>
> they always had somewhere they were off to
>
> they couldn't wait much longer
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> the model a's and indian motocycles
> started getting dusty in their garage
> and the pictures of grandfather with steve mcqueen
> all lined up in some desert race somewhere
> were beginning to fade with smoke stains
>
> when we did speak
> they were more philosophical talks
>
> they would speak of how our cherokee ancestry helped them understand
> there really are no gods
> because they had turned to many gods in their years
> and none of them answered as loudly as their own wills
>
> any gods that might be
> they said
> were really quite weak and insignificant
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> they began to get too weak to travel much
>
> with less ability to mobility
> grandfather starting returning to other obsessions
>
> obsessions with measuring devices
>
> barometers and thermometers
>
> he would write down data from various locations around their house
> onto tiny little sheets of scratch paper
> in tiny little print
> rows of dates and times and readings from his instruments
>
> grandmother would focus on preparing 3 meals a day
> and painting sweaters with cards and dice
> and things other elderly women would want to buy while visiting vegas
>
> then one morning
> just a few years ago
> grandfather woke up one morning with the left side of his face sagging
> and unable to lift his left hand
>
> my mom drove him quickly to the hospital
> where the obvious was confirmed
> he had had a stroke
>
> he tried therapy
> but he could never really regain much use of his left side
>
> he could walk
> but only very slowly and by holding on to things
> bracing if he could not control his leg well enough
>
> he could no longer work on his bikes or model a's
> and he was visibly frustrated with his difficult speech
>
> grandmother smoked even harder in her grasps at coping
> soon developing copd and congestive heart failure
>
> her bones became brittle and she started shrinking quite noticeably
>
> she started having to go in regularly for some strange back problems
>
> my mom
> who was taking care of them full time at this point
> confided to me that grandfather was losing his mental capacities
> and had been walking around naked at times
>
> it turned out that the back problems grandmother was experiencing
> were because grandfather
> despite or because of his condition
> was sexually active again and this was actually breaking grandmother's
> bones
>
> mom had to have him committed to a nursing home
> because he would have killed grandmother if she let it continue
>
> but now he had nothing
>
> he did not have his motorcycles
> and he did not have the woman who
> when he had first seen her at a party back when they were in high school
> he had told his best friend "that is the girl i'm gonna marry"
>
> he had nothing to wait for
> so he gave up
>
> he stopped eating
>
> ^..^ ^..^
>
> a few nights ago
> still pretty early in the evening
> grandfather died
>
> 11 hours later
> early the next morning
> before she woke
> before my mom was able to tell her of grandfather
> grandmother also died
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
> galathaea: prankster, fablist, magician, liar