>
> Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
> Because it soots him!
> (that's one of Santa's favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*)
>
> Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
> At a Ho-ho-tel!
>
> What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday?
> "Freeze a jolly good fellow!"
>
> What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
> A Christmas Quacker!
>
> An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down
> the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??
> Santa! The other two don't exist!
>
> What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?
> Pour Santa flush on him!
>
> What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
> Okay everyone, sack time!
>
> What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end
> of a play?
> Santapplause!
>
> Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
> Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
>
> What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
> Sandy Claws!
>
> Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
> Santa Jaws!
>
> Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
> Elephanta Claus!
>
> What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still
> burning?
> Crisp Kringle!
>
> Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
> So he can hide at the North Pole!
>
> What do you call Santa when he has no money?
> Saint "Nickel"-less!
>
> What smells most in a chimney?
> Santa's nose!
>
> What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
> A jolly roll!
>
> What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
> A rebel without a Claus!
>
> What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?
> Kris Kringle burps!
>
> What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
> Rapping paper!
>
> What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
> Mistle-"toast"!
>
> Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
> Because the presents won't take themselves!
>
> What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
> His north pole!
>
> How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
> Because he's always in the pole position!
>
> What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
> Tyranno-santa Rex!
>
> What's red & white and red & white and red & white?
> Santa rolling down a hill!
>
> What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
> Looks like "rain", "Dear"!
>
> What's red and green and flies?
> An airsick Santa Claus!
>
> How does Père Noël take pictures?
> With his North "Pole"-aroid!
>
> Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
> Because it has long-distance runners on each side!
>
> What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
> Santa caught in a revolving door!
>
> What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
> A "Holly" Davidson!
>
> Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
> The North Poll!
>
> What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
> Santa Klutz!
>
> What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
> Cinder Claus!
>
> What nationality is Santa Claus?
> North Polish!
>
> Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
> Because he is an elf-made man!
>
> What goes oh, oh, oh?
> Santa Claus walking backwards!
>
> How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
> Stacks!
>
> What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
> Claustrophobic!
>
> What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
> Santa Clues!
>
> Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
> Why, Santa Paws of course!
>
>
http://www.emailsanta.com/jokes santa.htm
>
>
http://www.greetingsfromsanta.com/
>
http://www.ak-prepared.com/dmva/opsanta.htm
>
> A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to
> dance?"
>
> The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't
> dance with you."
>
> The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said, you
> look fat in those pants."
>
> ~~~~~
>
> Female Comebacks
>
> Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
> Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
>
> Man: Is this seat empty?
> Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
>
> Man: Your place or mine?
> Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
>
> Man: So, what do you do for a living?
> Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
>
> Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
> Woman: Do not enter.
>
> Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
> Woman: Unfertilized.
>
> Man: Your body is like a temple.
> Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
