Hundreds of people ran from the eastern side of the Beijing Bird's nest
stadium last night.

The deep red colours of the Beijing firewoks were created by
uranium/rubidium oxides. The wind blew the toxic fall-out straight onto
the eastern top-half of the stadium, covering a few hundred people in a
choking, blinding dust.

People were reportedly seen staggering out from the eastern gate, arms
held out, bleeding from their eyes and ears. Police and Government
security agents quickly rounded them up, but sources have revealed that
a large contingent has taken refuge in the ancient chinese sewers that
run beneath the stadium.

"There are thousands of miles of tunnels down there. We'll never find
them" a spokesman admitted.

There were also reports of half-eaten cats and dogs near drain entrances
and culverts, while above ground a number of people have complained to
police about being attacked in the night by "flesh-eating zombies" that
they say lurk in the shadows and alley-ways of down-town Beijing.