I have had the occasion to confront this question directly. A few
weeks ago I was told I had cancer. The cancer is a neck cancer:
squamous metastasis with occult primary.
Although my life will be longer than 7 days It has caused me to
confront my mortality.
I have no consolation from any kind of god. If god exists then he has
made me so that I cannot believe in him. I am a confirmed atheist and
my forthcoming death will not change this.
The main trick has been to force myself not to think of cancer in
every waking moment of my life. Still after 6 weeks "cancer" is the
first waking thought. It is like a black-dog waiting to eat out my
insides, he sits deep in my chest and hence everything is made absurd
except the dog itslef.
SInce then I have had cancerous tonsil removed, which I am now
recovering from. At the end of the month I have now to face
radiotherapy and chemotherapy - every day for 6.5 weeks. This will
leave me with some permanent consequences to my health, and with no
guarentee of cure.
As I now gradually come to terms with my inevitable death I have found
that "business as usual" is my favoured course. I always used to think
that in such circumstances I would have a tendency to go wild, spend
all my cash on pleasures, but no: it now seems clear that I have
always lived my life in exactly the way I want and now I wish to
continue in the same way.
I have less thrifty. I don't worry about spending on some things I
would otherwise have thought frivolous, and I have not made major
plans for the future which I now believe may well not exist for me.
I have always had a reasonably optimistic outlook, now I have
attempting to re-cultivate that quality which has been so severely
knocked.
I have also confirmed with utter clarity the luck and blessing it is
to be so loved and so cherish my life's-partner. I could not be more
lucky in this respect - though what hurts me more than anything else
is the thought of how she will feel when I die.

On Sep 6, 11:58 am, Leon Hoeneveld
wrote: