>
> Dirk Diggler wrote:
>> I found this on an old hard drive and I thought I'd share... I can't
>> believe I wrote this stuff! But, you can't blame me, I guess... It's
just
>> fiction... I certain don't agree with all this stuff - it's just
fiction.
>> I even got an A on it!
>>
>> ***
>>
>>
>> The Adventures of Smirk
>>
>> "Damn!" said Smirk. "I knew those fucking faggots would be back!" He
wiped
>> his brow and stared blankly at Semen Haines, Gavin Bones, Joehomo and
the
>> biggest faggot of them all: Jumboman.
>>
>> As they pranced around in their Sunday best - high heels, lipstick,
bras,
>> thong panties showing no bulges in the front but rather the ends of the
>> large buttplugs barely staying in their enormous rectums (hence the
nickname
>> Jumboman - he could fit the biggest), it was obvious they had a
vendetta.
>> They wanted to rid the world of all the level-headed people in the
world.
>> They wanted to give all the poor people all the money on the backs of
all
>> the rich people. They wanted to spread their thoughts and ideas
throughout
>> the land, thereby making everyone clones of themselves. They wanted all
>> laws prohibiting father to son sexual contact abolished. They wanted to
>> make certain they could have intercourse with and even marry other men,
>> their children, newborns, horses, sheep - anything that had a hole and a
>> heartbeat.
>>
>> And even though people wondered, "What the fuck?" it appeared they
didn't
>> care. They were flaming hot gayboys. White-hot fart felchers.
Liquid-hot
>> magma man-eaters. They made Richard Simmons look like Chuck Norris.
They
>> made Liberace look like Bruce Lee. They made Pamela Anderson look like
a
>> man. They made their friend Baurie look like a woman.
>>
>> "Hey there Smirk!" Jumboman squealed, giving two snaps up to his
>> fanny-wrangling friends. "Why don't you come over here?"
>>
>> "No thanks Jumboman" Smirk replied. "I don't want to catch the AIDS.
Plus,
>> I'm afraid of what will fall out of your gaping rear."
>>
>> "Oh, Smirk" Jumboman replied, pulling his fist out of Semen Haines' rear
and
>> sucking his fingers. "I don't have the AIDS anymore. Remember stem
cell
>> research? Remember all those babies we killed? Remember all how
Michael J.
>> Cox told us that we could kill babies to save humans? Well, it turned
out
>> to be false."
>>
>> "So why did you even bring that up?" Smirk asked.
>>
>> "Oh, Smirk. You're so handsome when you're angry. I brought it up to
tell
>> you that we've been wrong all along!" Jumboman grunted after Gavin Bones
>> removed his foot from his ass.
>>
>> "So you've seen the light?" Smirk questioned.
>>
>> "Yes, Smirk" replied Semen, in a voice only eclipsed in femininity by
>> Jumboman. "We just came to apologize for all the times we told you that
you
>> were wrong."
>>
>> "Well, that's nice rump rangers. I'm glad you have your head on
straight."
>> replied Smirk.
>>
>> "Did you say HEAD??!?!?!" asked Gavin. "MMMMMM that gives me a GREAT
>> idea!!!"
>>
>> What Smirk witnessed next was something so vile; so disgusting; so
repulsive
>> that it would make Barney Frank turn his head and throw up in his mouth
a
>> little bit...
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I can't post the rest of it because it's a little saucy, but you get the
>> idea. I hope you all enjoyed it.
>>
>> DD
>
> Far and away your greatest post ever. I'm actually still laughing.
> Very good, Dirk.
>
> SH
>
Were you, like Webb, writing from personal experience?
