The A-Z of tools:

a. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and
flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly
painted part you were drying....

b. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere
across the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint
whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to
say "Ouch".

c. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in
their holes until you die of old age....

d. PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads....

e. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal
your future becomes....

f. VICE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,
they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your
hand....