Gaia-web theory vs kosmic matrix theory.
Nature mysticism vs Emptiness-form nonduality.

(it's an upgrade)

no tension.
no thought. no threat.

concentrate on releasing all locations of tension, and when thoughts
are there let them pass and feel where its tension is or was.

StuckGod.
felt myself letting the world and myself fall away with all grasping,
after looking in the mirror changing facial expressions and considering
the possibility of changing physical forms and whether i'd want to lose
this one... then thinking about having become mildly aware of
everything's emptiness since 99, inc this. just managing to hold it
together since, avoiding the fall. (with ocd and addictions being part
of the method)
the falling away was occuring while just walking through the kitchen
this time.
it reminds me of being young and having those s trange "spells"... i
used to get dizzy and the world would start swirling away, feeling
distant, appearing new and weird... as if i'd just snapped into
awareness on a different level and felt loosely attached to the whole
situation. i didn't like it, but assumed everyone had it... like
hiccups.

In Emptiness. In Me.

let it happen. the waves.

it's difficult to know how to think of the Beyond. even as an
experience only.

morality comes from our own heart... and personally i'd thump anyone
thinking of murder in the head.

you can turn the world off whenever you want. just pretend you're
watching oprah.

snap to...
let go...

get flow...

"we are not rogues
we are not romantics
we are here to serve you"

i believe i'm slowly opening into an instrument for the energies of the
new aeon, with difficulties caused by lack of decisiveness, addiction,
fear of revolution and energy.

[my psyche observed that i'm afraid of success, whether in the world or
in meditation.]

we, the child.

we are the children.
the next 50 years are our responsibility.
and the next 500 years are our responsibility.

there isn't much time to "think things through, to analyze, to make
sense of everything"... and it feels too confining, still.
you first have to "git yo freak out". while making a practical start in
self actualization, therapy and practice. we can think as we go.

every now and then through the day let everything fall away.

quickened and total relaxation.

orientation and attachment.

snap to yourself.

the Silent Self.

mute Awareness.

forces. thoughts. focus. actions.

body is a life lab of force-feelings and thought projections.

E failed in every area... everywhere he wbent and failed i've been
going to succeed... his energy was a danger so i've disconnected him.
(he enjoys being a flake.)

drugs, spirituality, magick, metaphysics.

i believe morals spring from ones individuality and true will, which in
highest form is ones personal soul.

(ego -> soul vs god)

Thus there are transcenders who never return, or if they do they
continue with their programmed lives.
while a bodhisattva is an individual who has shaped themselves, and
deepened themselves, over years of virtue cultivation and vows...
so that once Enlightenment is attained it is up to their own self and
soul to bring out these virtues and to use the enlightened perspective
or experience primarily to aid others.
they've gone beyond individuality and back, and that reanimated self is
one already cultivated into a compassionate being.
in vajra the practice of shaping and deepening continues after formless
enlightenment in dream and in life.

i don't believe Emptiness told 'em to go out there and do good in the
world from now on.
it's something their individual self deserves full respect for.

body-emotion-intellect-SOUL-god.

god is amoral. (responsible for everything)

[i could be wrong, btw]

group moralilty is a respectful agreement of desires betwee individual
wills.
no more abstract than that. it's simply what We want.
so perhaps there can be morality in religion, but not in god.

also of interest are the evolving levels or stages of morality...

god may not judge, but i do.
(humane)

there are energies interfering with the work so i don't trust much of
what i think right now. they are trying to hijack the process...
twisting everything for their own survival.
sometimes i put way too much faith in my enegies whatever they are at a
certain time, as if it were impossible to pollute me. everything does
play it's part, and they can be turned to the purpose of course, but
atm they're a risk i have to find my way around.

meditation becomces almost an automatic reflex.

has there ever been so much selfhype and so little originality as now?
everyone's a revolution, but all i hear is mediocrity.

ironic cynicism rules man.

"ever since meeting so-and-so i'd become big headed... and panel
beating just wasn't my thing."

how you see yourself determines your choices.

i'm coming to believe that everything i need will be provided at the
right time.

if i should go to europe next year the money will come, etc

shorthaired bookworm eccentric art rebel

for everone who didn't make it, continue.

power. over all ones life.
"I give you power."

get serious.

originalRebel.
everyone thinks they're starting a revolution, but they're only
joining...mine.

working on an energetic-feeling level to change our mental patterns.

karmic blockages.

the Horus Child. (the hope of the world)

working up. working down.
to intellect and order. to body and earth.
the peasant becoming the aristrocrat. the aristocrat disguised as the
peasant.
then the aristocrat lifts his head back to civil society and
responsibilities.
beyond this integration is soul-god.

boredom takes one down. direction, up again.

it's interesting to intentionally try simulating being pissed off at
something... heartbroken... etc.

the egoic contraction.

you can Really do it while maintaining the higher-dimensional footing.

imagine it being almost forgotten what being angry feels like... and
simulating just to remember the taste.

she's more aware when she's fallen... unhappy...
doesn't know where to go...(never did)... and she can use that
sensitivity... to find truer direction... and to open up to input and
the surroundings and truer relations... truer orientation...

holodeck adventures.
all life is play. pure joy.

sending the trops out to kill w/ith no solid moral reason creates
mental conflict, depression, etc... or demoralized animals... if they
can kill for Johnny they can kill for anything.

i'm conscious of feelings as energies. (and physical tension)

(beyond thoughtmindbrain)

feeling as body-tension.
feeling as energy-motion.

(e-motion)

brain and nervous system. energy-system (nodes, meridians, chakras).

the world may be true on it's plane...
but my Home is in a higher dimension.

(no worries)

so, im getting into the rugby.
i'm camping next week.
i'm digging holes, blistering my hands.
went to the beach yesterday.
had 2 fights this year.

never been so bluddy aussie in my life mate.

keep a distance, emotionally atleast, from all Relationship Bombs.
cause they cause turmoil when they change their faces. stick with
people i can trust and be at ease with, or i'll keep blowing up aswell.

seems the pissed off energy has to be integrated into me or it'll just
explode stupidly.
i feel it coming thru me and it's hard to get rid of, and expression in
fits doesn't always help... but it seems to be making me a stronger
personality as i let it integrate.

my body feels like it's a bit of an energy h0.
a vessel for all the forces to pass through.
but i think i'm also trying to have some control and standard-self
energies (militant for one...)... soundtracks.

the fact that self perception determines ones choices and thus life is
a central magickal law.

[god is the relational matrix:
no focus on interior development-states.
fascination with interconnection...andtheory... but the interconnection
is only a fact known, not a harmonious-whole new perception or
awareness to expand into except theoretically... a new Thought (beyond
rational), closer in approximation to the holistic reality. you know
but do not see & feel it... fundamental psychological state remains one
of discord in self and with world, division.]

i'm getting slightly militant characteristics.
even my walk at times... the salute appeals to me... and the general
attitude toward things. its as if my inner general is coming out and
taking control of the situation.

i could light up this
broken clock in neon colour
it's not the point
there is no heaven on earth
floor as high as the sun

so really, serealty, surreal

broken in shadow and moon light

tired of the english speaking world.
learning other languages gives overall language Lucidity.

true will.
don't be scared of disappointing anyone or ideal but myself and my own.
look (lock) into oneself.

underground power:
false identities.
alt income methods.
hacking and technology.
social engineering.
realworld hacking.

america will die, it's empire will be shortlived and shattered.
the big bullyhero child doesn't have the answer. they will shout their
solutions with brute force, anyways. and we nod politely, fearful of
losing their friendship or worse.
only cosmetic surgery and vampiric lunges for external resources under
the guise of global justice will keep it alive, and even now.

australia, europe... i think the major hope of the worlds progress is
in a unitedEurope and Australasia...
for one, europe will show integrations success as a microcosm, as will
australasia (the golden child). but even more... europse will become a
unified Force, a new Power, removing the need for american
dumbFUckaheads support. they w/ill be crawling their way out of the
ashes, catching up, after the collapse.
australia, i believe, will be forced to open its gates to an influx of
asians to avoid war... the integration will be a Huge benefit, as
uncomfortable as the whities might at firs t be with the dramatic
change of australasian identity.
but we will have to begin irrigating the desert.
australia has the same redneckishness as america but the racism is less
deeply rooted and even they are rather easy going and adaptable. less
sure-a themselves. it can be changed without dramatic revolution.

Europe, the new world.
Australasia, the new country.

America is stuck to my face like bubblegum.
I have to push it away and slice it up.

they live by slogans not observations.
hot air.
balloon heads.

---
martyrs are romantic fools.
it barely does any good.
if all the great people died we'd be left with even greater fools than
they.

dying for a cause is a sick fantasy. yet noble.

major extentions and corrections.

postmetaphysics.
artifacts and heaps.
4 drives error. (entropy)
mindMind-bodyBody semantic knot.

emotional intelligence. psychic interpretation.

object...
feeling. associated (harmonious) thoughts.

[btw. on my way to the library i had the image of a make-upless
european clown, and laughed saying "european clown?" to myself. this
was weird, but within 2 minutes i walked past a make-upless european
juggling balls by the library.]

if i strongly associated marijuana with america right now, giving up
would be a sinch.

red... the colour, the light.
joy... the feeling, the force.
logic... the thought, the brain.

(subjective-objective distinction)

MY iraq solution:

drugs and violent video games.

to low class war-riors life is meaningless w/ithout war.
soldiers are sickened by ordinary life. (peace is dull)
purpose is drained.
it wouldn't matter if you gaves everybody a place in society, or even a
million bucks... they'd just spend it on weaponry and find another
fight.
so... give them a virtual means of expression and enough drugs to keep
them wrecked beyond action.
or...another idea... send them to fight in foreign territory under teh
guise of a peace keeping mission.

take me down town in a fat suite.

perfuct-frame we've bled in like a god wound

digital missing teeth and art puppet scars

glitter and blood lit galaxies, black owl eyes

automatic revolution of the lovely stars