pls dont let me live forever
+++

hey semi active psychic blog

+++
shakespears sister
'i dont care'
+++

sorry paulie
i've still got access

"its ok"
"i'm runnin late"

+++

we'll keep growing wont we ?

"humanity , yes"

+++

couldnt believe
how
large that chick from th future was

+++

freaked me out

+++
marianne faithful
'pirate jenny'
+++

"wot were ya tryin to steal pirate jenny ?"
ah you know

future secrets

+++

i'm skinny yes but

petite ?

+++

"get over it"

+++

my surf unicycle hasnt come

out of th workshop yet

+++

but my good thing for th

fortnight was

it;s in there

+++

i lasted
three quarters of an hour

in my torture session this morning
fuck that chick is stacked

+++

th young fellas
whinged when i signed out

hey
how come u get to leave ?

it's compulsory

i've got a problem

<<< smiel ><<

+++

handy bein allergic to girls

soemtimes

+++

they;re happy i
still come along

shows grit

+++

cant place me

in a job

+++

disabled employment service
ya walk in

there;s
coffee

+++

we all ahd a whinge today

+++

we all got different problems
and we're hearin

crap we all heard
earlier in th system

+++
motorhead
'paranoid'
+++

doesnt th system
take

user
feedback

+++
elvis costello
'watching the detectives'
+++

on i um
mised th lecture on

dress

+++

squattin there
in th basketball court

in thongs

hair
halfway down my back and

one of my
pottery ocarinas

slung around my neck

+++

the adventures of the land surfer

+++

young puppies
u got a lot to learn

about gettin around th system

+++

put in my pension form
for havin sore testicles
on a unicycle

a real wizard

+++

i'm sorry dear the singing unicycle man
of the

fortitude valley
is dead

+++

"it;s a guy"
"yr biggest fan jennifer"
so

+++

i sang

in th valley of guts

been there

done that

+++
hunters and collectors
'the slab'
+++

i did get sick of
boys and girls

sittin on my legs while i sang and
not fucking me

unrequited love

and drugs n

rock n roll

+++

rock n roll paulie

that character
just

wont let go of me

+++

i got
called an institution and

famous

again

+++

fuck no

time to move on

+++

been famous before

unfamy is always

more fun

+++

anythin i spend

too long on

+++

started in a coles
carpark

can i get

to th top of th
rise

on a unicycle

+++

my surf
unicycle is

getting
fully refurbished

+++
big audio dynamite II
'the globe'
+++

fuck th globe i

will be able to surf

in th surf again

+++

this will be the mark two
version

of th surf unicycle prototype

+++

half a bcicyles he

drags her arse

in th back of th wave

bein pushed along

th big wheel

is in th cavitation zone

+++

i got a little time left i

should be chasing music

land surfing music

+++

music to

ride a unicycle

fully stoned in

the surf

on

+++

let's see if yr in tune computer

next song pls

+++
nirvana
'oh, me'
+++

jesus walking on the water

+++

at least

th observer

clickin away
at th idiot

on a unicycle
in th surf

cant see my stupendous magic

+++

my backwards
predictions on th net

total

273000 confirmed
psychic kills

see th future
backwards

+++

ah no

+++

i've left more

legendary traces

of me

floating around

in th record

+++

44

still stuck in puberty

+++

i found a fellow hacker today

he knew
th bbs scene

when we
waited

twenty minutes

to download a single picture

+++

took a week
to get a file

off th internet

+++

hacking th human mind is

no more difficult

+++

memory mapped files indeed

love u windows 95

+++
nirvana
'come as you are'
+++

i wrote utilities

on th bbs's

+++

learning programming

+++

when i beat

windows 95

in visual basic and

explorer.exe

started answerin questions

i posted my code

liek a good

basic programmer and went

ah fuck man

+++

cracked th front door

th bottom most window

is answering my questions and

i;ve become a low level

systems programmer

+++

in basic

+++

had to kill my

programming website

it ran for

yrs

+++

i look occasionally
at how many times

my hacking code
has been downloaded and

+++
sopranos theme song
'woke up this morning'
+++

ah man

i;ve done it again

+++

when i
wrote th

image recognition software code
in basic

my prgramming mate got
real shirty

+++

cmon man

it;s only designed to

catch porn

that looks th same

th little grey owl has

eyes

+++

image owl

only sees in one colour

red

+++

my desktop pet
written in basic

still wanders
windows xp

the deskchopper
now sees

the shortcut arrow

on th icons

to do it;s

destruction

+++

yr supposed

to be impossible

+++

but nothing is

+++

if ya asked me

five yrs ago

would i jump a unicycle

monoshock unicycle

over a skatebowl wall

even bein as psychic as i am

i woulda laughed at ya

couldnt get more than

thirty pedals

up that rise

+++
nirvana
'something in the way'
+++

if i didnt have th curse

the testicles form

the head inquisistor;s blood

bein in my body

but i do

+++

got th radar love and

th hex vision that

tenacious d sing about

+++

i started a

psychic blog

+++

i wanted to understand my gift and

kept plucking away at it

+++

and left my trail

+++

th psychic blog
killed th programming website

i'm sorry i
dont do upgrades often

+++

windows xp
changed its

shortcut arrow colour
and my code went for a loop

more code ya download and
it dont contain

all th facts
not th latest version

+++

the singing unicycle man
of the fortitude valley

has been parked
for four months

+++
the black eyed peas
'where is the love'
+++

i got
other ppl to share with

sorry

+++

i'm psychic and
he;s whinging

i
dont play the heart beat drum

centre of the

valley mall

anymore

and sing liek a girl

+++

six yrs

+++

th last couple

in th valley

+++

surfers paradise

has started callin me again

+++

and my
surf unicycle

is in th workshop

+++

used to sing

on th corner of

caville avenue

with womble

+++

he;s toured in a rock band

th guy he was sharin a house with

toured with several rock bands

we;d hear

why dont ya get a real job and

it;s just

th music is more personal

when th drug fucked

are layin on yr feet

+++

th third time

i got pictures snapped of me

from a leica camera

whiel i sang in th street

oh dear

+++

when th c programmers

staretd writin to me

pelading for
aclanguage version
of myc ode

caue they knew

i hacked

th ijg jpeg code

and made a dll out of it

+++
pj harvey
'send his love to me'
+++

he'll do it for nothing

just for karma

+++

sent some code to this guy in england

and he kept his job

soemthin i wrote

for soemone else

and my old

ashby
tour de france

racing bicycle

landed on my front door

th next day

+++

fuck man

+++

that one event

+++

long before i started blogging

didnt call it that then

+++

was just an
online diary

at tripod

+++

got too wild

+++

i got kicked off

th www

a coupel of times

+++

cool

+++

the lethal kadaictha man of kuta

has left

a legendary trail

i'm passing th mantle to

kuta lady

dont think she wants it but

kutaman

wants to go walkabout again

+++

u have th magic

i dont care wot they think kuta lady

u are th

next local withcdoctor

+++

my magic is too big

to be local

+++

my mothers blood money curse

+++
cake
'i will survive'
+++

dropped

the world trade centre

+++

the money hub of the world

+++

and we did it

online

kuta

+++

cant bee
the local witchdocotor anymore

+++

even just
claiming australia

being th
witchdoctor of australia

by th time th fuckers

find out i exist
i'll be bored of it

+++

my magic is big enough

i can move mountains

+++

fuck man
paul gallico man

wrote

the boy who was magic

+++

i

wrote a curse

in a newsnet server

pointed th bone of death

at the islamic terrorist cunts and

thats a request to my

god

the land

and

the northern pakistan earthquake

hit th next day

one hundrd thosuand

dead

of course i

just see th future backwards and

that doesnt explain everything

+++

i fucked up

i can prove

god exists

+++

any real psychic can

+++

ah man

i;ve done it again

+++
chris isaak
'wicked game'
+++

pope benedict
in my bloodline

do u know
how much this stuff

hurts th ppl
around me

those close to me

+++

but my

aching testicles

that punish me
for smelling female
pheremones

my wizard;s curse

are my

psyche

+++

where are we going guys ?

+++

i'm on a journey
on which

i have no control

+++

so psychic
th future

drips thru my diary like
thpast that i keep having to

write

to balance it

+++

th unciycle

zen

it taught me so many things

+++

everything
must have balance

+++

i'm magic as
i feel shit about it

+++

done so much nasty magic
in th name

of
kuta

a black honey

of a stingless bee

+++

the traditional
kadaitcha man

is
the singer of tribe

+++

i sing background
to musicians

in th street
not for money

for th magic

+++

th background singer
nails th changes

psychic as

+++
sugababes
'overload'
+++

i proposed to a woman
on th internet

she went and got married
a yr later to th day

being th
hypersensitive

female side of th wizard
i imploded

i proposed to
nicole kidman on th internet and

my psyche
yelled at me

+++

it's

destroying my

psychic blog

+++

th last woman
i gave a magic child to

destroyed me

+++

lost everything i owned

+++

my male half is

+++

oh dear

+++

black is still

having conniptions

+++

yeah we're nobody

today

and when we did it but

i'm the wizard of oz

the real wizard of oz

+++

and she was open about it

she wants magic

+++

a superstar she

+++
?
't138'
+++

cessna 138 zulu one clearance - lyric

+++
royksopp
'eple'
+++

if what she was sayin wasnt just
plaff or th

cameras
i'm in big trouble

women never look after me

+++

th last
reddheaded nymphomaniac

in love with th wizard
had a portrait of th wizard

commisioned for me
and not long after

stuffed me out a window by my hair and

started punchin th shit out of me

and never ever

got th fact

i'm allergic to girls

+++

and lea-anne

hot redhead

down th egde of island

used ot tek me

jenny

dirty dancing

with five of her girlfriends

+++
ludwig van beethoven
'symphony no 9(scherzo)
+++

back when i was

the singing facepainted unicycle man

of surfers paradise

and flew a surfboard

above my head

down cavill avanue

after midnight

+++
jet
'look what you;ve done'
+++

womble has a party on next week

i'm singin at it and

if i still dont have my

500 dollar car onth roiad

he's comin to pick me up

+++

and lea-anne is ringing

+++

and womble's old flatmate

th drumemr has

started to get really weirdedout but

he wrote this fucking

incredible song and

womble and i have both

worked on it and

th thre of us havent

jammed on it together yet

+++

remember our last jam guys ?

+++

wall had this
set of five drums and

womble had his
keyboards out of hock and

my jenny singin voice was
well placed

three pretty chicks in th room
chameleon i am

i nick everything

+++

th thing that shits me nickie is

+++
ezee posse
'everything starts with an e'
+++

womble
is goin out with a girl

who used to drink
with keith urban

+++

his ex

knew everybody

+++

her ex was a

standup comedian

+++

for th far future and

idiots now

keith urban

married
nicole kidman

+++

keith urban is
a famous rock star

nicole kidman is
a famous hollywood star

+++

i'm th wizard of oz but

it;s a secret identity

+++

fuck man

my life is too

fucking weird

+++
violent femmes
'kiss off'(live)
+++

care factor

+++

my male half says

she'll come after me

and stick my

contract in my face

from th

black honey man

and th black honey beehive

my reality chip says

no fuckin way

that wont happen

+++

i'm psychic

i dont get everything

i talk to god

i'm not

god

+++

in my heart
i know she's a nice woman

wouldnt have proposed ot her otherwise
my jaded male half

been married twice
says

fucking run girl

+++

bein a
suspected
half black tranny

dont know who my father is

and sing liek a girl

wouldnt frighten her

keith isnt her
first rock star and

paulo
th jaded fuck says

not her last

+++

do i get
any fuckin say in this

+++

"doe she ?"

fair comment

but i'm just relating my reality
to my diary

+++
tenacious d
'lee'
+++

fuckin lee

+++

huge red hair
big as mine

would rag me
dirty dancing me

i'm allergic to chicks ya dumb bitch
she; pour cones down my throat

bongs
andmu;ltiple bourboins itll

i;d take her
dirty dancing

+++
kevin bloody wilson
'country bumpkin'
+++

i wanna go hide

on a hippy farm

+++

"that's doable"

"we got a hippy family who love us"

"paulei jenny"

+++

arent i hiding from them at th moment ?

+++

"and if ya dont turn up at christmas jenny"

umm

+++

jennifer

my gay lady friend

gives th most amazing cuddle

+++

th other kuta lady

kutalady;s ex girlfriend

+++

u chicks called me

kutaman

+++

and kuta lady

just keeps handin me bongs

+++

so i wont feel my testicles and

she can chat to her friend

jenny

+++

womble does much th same thing

+++
midnight oil
golden age'
+++

pour ten bongs down jenny's throat and

leave th stereo on

+++

eventually

she'll drag u out to

sing

+++

after midnight

+++

allergic to girls and

half girl

signint o chciska nd

watchin em

gyreate and bend

tryinto egt intot h
broekn rhtythm

i'm playin

on th heartbeat drum

+++

she cant

cause it doesnt make sense

i keep changing

tiem signatures and

th guy on th flamenco guitar

beside me

is also jamming and

we're fiften minutes into

wot started as

elevator music with edge and

i'm singin at th top of my lungs th

lesbian blues

my fingers are too slow
will ya hurry upa nd get off btich

i wanan og nightclubbign and

th batterys inth vibrator

have died and

my fingers are too fuckin slow

+++
gorillaz
'dare'
+++

i know it;s wrong

i got testicles

but so is
cumming liek a girl

in th msuic

like robert polant
in led zeppelin

it makes th girls wet

+++

specially on th dance floor

+++

been singin

on strete corners
in surfers
paradise

for a couple hours in
facepaint

dirtyd ancin
ian nightclub
withf ive chciks and

still singin
background

but

+++

th mad tranny bitch has

huge lungs

and veen over

th 120 decibels

int hnightclub
th whole place can hear me

go over th edge

went foreground

+++

but th chick behind th bar

is feedin me

triple vodkas

and i pay for one but

get th change of

th price of three

+++

fuck i have lived

+++
city high
'15 will get you 20'
+++

and in th bar across th road
i got laid

by th head witch of th gold coast

in th doorway

of th nightclub

+++

my head is spinning

+++

ah man

+++

lift me up now lord

+++

i've done

so any impossible things i

cant tell my life story with a straight face

maybe standup

+++

or just fuckin lie

+++

find that hard

+++

had to tell th truth

to get big magic

no secrets magic

+++

i'm safe from er paulo

honest to god

+++
xtc
'senses working overtime'
+++

i think she'll stay with this guy

he;s got magic

+++

and i know for a fact

nickie has magic

i dont do
big magic

for anythin that aint a real witch

+++

i'm sorry nickie
yr wish was

to be magic

my job

is to prove it

+++
cake
'i will survive'
+++

i probly will
th testicles
dont give me

any choice about that

+++

my masters

+++

i can
stop myself raping women

rather go down on myself
th bitch would fall in love with me

+++

and i';d just end up

in a bed

with a woman who aint fuckin me

again

+++

"it;s goin up"
"on yrself jenny"

shutup paulo
sum cunt from th future

might not understand that

+++

gotta write yr diary so
it;s semi readable

an electronic diary

not all of it

will survive

but some will

+++

my adventures get

more insane

as time goes by

+++

the adventures of the land surfer

as always
the land surfer

being pronounced

the kadaitcha man of australia

english translation

the witchdoctor of australia

"the wizard of oz"

disney would sue

"sue me and be damned"

"i'm way too fuckin lethal to sue"

+++
powderfinger
'stumblin'
+++

"in my world"

"the writer of"

"the wizard of oz"

"was psychic"
"And just saw me"

that's egotistical

"so"

+++

"how much magic have i got ?"

we dropped th

world trade cente

with a blood money curse

th money trail concurrs and

smack on day seven

+++

"so pirate jenny stole"
"usama bin ladens event"

why ?
"cause we;re really psychic"

+++

it does take th piss out of him
kuta religion's

instrument
nothing more

+++

i'll spread it wider paulo but

we run an awful risk

+++
grinspoon
'chemical heart'
+++

"lots and lots and lots of"

"drugs"

+++

liek when we ran th pary house
in brisbane

the farm
in my teens

+++

my motorcycle
parked in

th living room

+++

220 teenagers

hangin out

on a wednesday night

+++

black ?

+++
xtc
'senses working overtime'(live in holland)
+++

i'm half dutch

+++

i never
got caught

for breaking
windows 95's

front end
in basic

+++

they coudlnt understand
why i didnt stand up

+++

because it could kill me

too many girls
camer and

a closed room

and not enough

marijuana

and my heart stops

+++

th testicle pain goes

stellar

+++

hypersensitive

+++

"superpsychic"
balance unicycle man

+++
kanye west
'golddigger'
+++
jet
'look what you've done'
+++

i'm gunna hurt some ppl

th magic will

out

+++

ya shouldnt read ppl's diarys

and comment

it aint good for yr health

+++

magic's easy

+++

it;s gettin up that first rise

thats; th hard part

+++

cunts get jealous

of somethin u

worked yr guts out

to achieve

+++

so they run out

into h surf

and knock ya down

cause yr ridin

in th wtater

+++

cause they cant do it

it;s not
that they cant it;s

they wont try

+++

i cant do that

ride a unicycle

tried it

once

and gave up

+++

u know how many times i fucking fell off

before i could jump gutters at speed

ride straight over
traffic islands and

pull up at a busker mate

with two coffees and

stop th unicycle with a broadslide

+++

dont judge a book

by it;s cover

it could kill u

.
.
.

the stoners bible

+++
p.s.

the adventures of the land surfer
cast of characters

pirate jenny
"black"
'the land surfer"

the offspring
'walla walla'