A repost.

Laird of the Donkeys
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1. The Carrott

i. Belive in Me Oh thow who art the wisest amungst the hole of my
creatshion! Oh My chosen ones! Thou art the 3l33t and greatley blessed
are ye and very very special !
ii. Store up your tressures in Heaven oh rightuous belivers! The Laird
shall shower his loving gerosity on thee for all eternaty if ye belive
and do good stuff!
iii. The Laird shall not forgot His faithfull on the Day of Judgemint!
You shall eat rivers of hunney and tress blossuming full of manna under
a bright blue sunney ski where it's not too hat and not too cold!
iv. Oh Great and Faithful Chosen ones! Give praises twenty times a day
to the Laird your Gawd. Be as Babes in the sacred assana and chant the
sacred mantra EEAAWE! (*1) For ye will reep your bountyful reawed stored
in Heavun on The Day of Judgmint! I am the Laird your Gawd, Murrciful
and Protecting!
v. For the faithful belivers I have created the whole Earth and 79
heavuns to choose from! Whole boxes of cakes and crates of fine whine
are in store for Belivers! Ye shall have cakes and fine whine aplenty!
And sex, lots of sex too! Can't say fairer than that eh!!??! How many
other Gawds do you know offer that then!!?! OK, ok, I'll supply the
entertainment as well! Geez! You guys drive a hard bargin!

2. The Stick

i. Dark and Dire is The Punishment for Disbelivers!!! Be Warned for I AM
THE LAIRD YOUR CRATER and thou canst not escape my WRATHFULL JUDGEMINTS
upon thee!
ii. Disbelivers are all Doomed to Eternal Punishment in the
8,679,837,694,732 Hells of Fire and Brimestone!! Nothing can save those
who question Me from Destructshon! Cursed by the Laird their Gawd are they!
iii. The Laird thy Gawd knows your every thought, you can no escape my
Fury, I am THE ALMYTEE! Fear the Laird thy GAWD! Pain and bloodshed is
the lot of disbelivers!! If you even have one itsy bitsy tiny smidgin'
of a bad thought about Me or My Profits then to HELL with you with the
rest of the unbelivers! You must belive in me and do as I say to be
saved OR YOU@LL REGRET IT!
iv. If there be one disbeliver amonsgt a family of belivers there shall
be Dire Punishments for the lot of 'em!! Kill the disbelivers!! I am the
Laird you must Obey Me!!
v. There is no Dom Perrignon or Bollinger in any of the Hells! No vodka,
whiskey, gin or bourbon either oh thou cursede unbelivers! No meat nor
KFC or McDonalds for you lot! Oh, and no sex neither! None, zilch, zero,
nada! So Repent and Belive or... or, or I'll get Angry! And you wouldn't
like Me when I'm Angry! And I'll sulk as well, so there! And don't make
me cry for my dummy [edit for Americans: pacifier] either or....
yoooou'll beeee soOOoorrryyy!

*1. The sacred Assana and chant is performed by crawling along the floor
on hands and knees while chanting EEAWE (pronounce EE as in KEY during a
sudden inbreath and AAWEE as in DOOR on the outbreath).

Copyright - The Laird Gawd.

[img]http://www.columbia.edu/~xs23/fish/donkey.jpg[/img]