a new way to surf on a unicycle
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gday psychic blog

music on pls mr music

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the offspring
'staring at the sun'
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loading drugs:

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in brisbane
in queensland, australia

on th river we have
a floating pontoon walkway

running up our river

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it's costing us a fortune

in maintenance and

it's falling to bits

sufficiently that

when th
city cat

shark cat ferry

bops past

they're not supposed to leave a wake but

th floating walkway

undulates

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orchestral manouvres in hte dark'
enola gay'
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so it has

waves

running down th length of th
floating walkway

yesterday

i flew down it

on a monoshock suspension unicycle and

i was catching th waves

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getting on a wave

on a unicycle

over th water

so fuckin cool man

jeez i've lived

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a brand spanking new
mp3 player

a loud bastard

cant hear

YOU

and just catchin waves

on land but

on th water

the land surfer
did smile

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and today
i was told

by a close friend

they arent gunna fix it

it;s comin out and

not bein replaced

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i'll move when ya do

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no shit

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rickie lee jones
'on saturday afternoons in 1963'
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my mothers song

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hey mum

i found th best wave

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ah man

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i gotta figure out
what time th big barge

goes down th river

th floating party

cause she'll make

BIG waves

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now i know
why i got laid

on th beginning of th floating walkway
th night after it was opened

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thanks jane

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just

i'd been surfin an hour and a half and

hit it

in th zone

and a city cat

bopped by

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hardly a ripple from em

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roberta flack
'the first time'
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it's never
brought me such a great surf before

timing was always wrong i guess

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i watched th ripple
of th wave

travelling up
forward of where i was and

leaned further forward to

go catch th prick

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it was nice knowin ya

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and i thought
riding down a moving travellator

was fucking fun

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"th moss in th drains is pretty cool"

this is surfing

and th monoshock beast
gets too much traction

"we keep th hardtail 26 pirate jenny"

i thought u were gunna chop it up

"no dear"

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too much fun in th moss

spins double what

th land is rolling

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why we know a
gear change will work

dropping into th moss

in th metre wide spoon drain

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we've had rain

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"it's all surfing isnt it ?"

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th floating walkway is awesome paulie

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"th council is gunna rip it out"

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tenacious d
'tribute'
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we'll have to get
one really good surf there

how about we ring brucie
and get him to bring down a big boat

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"and then ?"

then i travel th world lookin for another one

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"no ya wont"

yes i will

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"u'll have to rebuild th sharkfin wizard hat"

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had a plain jane

white foam bicycle lid on

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i still dont surf

the fortitude valley

on one wheel

after midnight

it's been five months

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i was on a unicycle in th
fortitude valley entertainment zone

puttin smiles on dials

on a man's bike

not riding a

bicycle
thru th fortitude valley

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i paid th fine

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the red hot chilli peppers
'californication'
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th redlight district
doesnt pay me anything

so when a fine hits

the land surfer

we just play somewhere else

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droppin into skatebowls

on th monoshock single wheel

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"and ridin back up th wall"

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it's easier to go up
than down

"is how ya start"

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paulei
these waves

were more fun than
catchin th critters in th flesh

on th low tide

at surfers paradise

even with th rear
draggin
in th back of th wave

in th surf

on th surf unicycle

we dont get that much boost

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"we just havent experimented enough with it"

"tail shape is th key"

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and start with half a bicycle

"and turn it around"

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th old one
can go back on th wall

since it;s hub has been rebuilt and it;s
semi ridable again

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"art for art's sake"

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"bourbon"

yes master

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.
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"so ya had a nice surf then"

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shakespears sister
'you;re history'
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umm
it was surfing

"der"

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we can do it better
"u know wot that thing costs brizvegas to keep ?"

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i like it

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"it's just a bicycle pedestrian path"

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a fancy one

hundreds of metres

all floating

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th
pontoon
ont h end of the
redcliffe beach jetty

taught me how to
mount a unicycle

on a floating platform

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everything is in motion

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like th beach sand

on th low tide

travelling

in a foot deep

on th 27 inch

huge rooster tail

comin out th rear end

th sand is goin one way

th water is goin three ways at once

th rip

in th gutter

has a reverse wave

and then
th wind

has holes in it

that make u accelerate
on one wheel

far faster than

u;d go

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th wind's holdin ya up

and then it;s gone

gusting

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u fall forward

th unicycle

takes off

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but th white water

cushions yr fall

bit like th
bicyclists

doin backflips
on bicycles

into a pool

to perfect th trick

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fuckin girls bikes

safety bicycles

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a man's gunna have to
travel to th pub

on one wheel soon

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been that kind of day

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it;s friday today

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pink floyd
'pigs on the wing,pt 1'
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i dont recommend
ya take marijauna

and fly on a unicycle

i'm tellin ya to do it

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u'll get sixpack

rock hard abs

and be

flexible as

and hot blondes

will run after ya

to get their piccie taken with ya

just like me

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massive attack
'radiation ruling the nation'
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whenever
someone chucks me a jealousy fit

shit happens

i remember

all those nights

round th back of th coles carpark

cause i couldnt ride

my unicycle to th top of th

wee hill

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took me ages

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slow learner

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i've put someone on one of my wheels

never ridden before

and he;s cracked seven pedals

i aint tellin ya man

how long it took me

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ya get a surfboard

and ya get rollin with it

under yr arm

on a man;s bike

and then ya place th board

on one

upstretched
hand

and fly it

like waiter
holds a tray

above their head
to cler th crowd

same thing

want th board th clear th crowd

and go out
into th after mdinight
main street and

start movin yr hand

further back down th board

if ya pedal fast enough

th board will fly

and yr just

pushin it along

with a unicycle

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i've had a couple of errant boards
fly into th
surfers paradise crowd

but in those days

i couldnt mount th unicycle
with surfboard

with a helper from th crowd

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couldnt do a freemount

but i could fly a surfboard

thru th whole

nicghtclubber crowd

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standing ovation

th whole street clapped

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it was a good fly

th board only took off twice

gust of wind

caught it both times and

couldnt do a freemount

it didnt matter

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now

i get up on th wheel

and rolling

99 times in a hundred

i can remember
when it was

nine

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and how frustrated i was

but i will

get there

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do re mi
'theme from jungle jim'
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once i
get to th top of th hill

i'm on th strete

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six yrs
eunice th unique unicycle

i'm still on th street

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lasted longer than my last marriage

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nothing in my life
has lasted this long

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excluding pets
i've named after a colour

they live longer
like past th first yr

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took ages to figure out

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i miss ya purple but
i got a thing abotu ex girlfriends

climbin into my bed
and not fucking me

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no offense

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tarz chucked th hugest wobblie

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last saturday night

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b2k
'bump bump bump'
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i was naked
in a bed

with a guy and a girl
who were also naked

trying to explain why
i havent slept with a fertile woman in

six yrs

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was hard going

we were all half cut

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and i had two
gashes out of my left shoulder

from hitting low flying trees
riding thru th high school leavers

revels
at schoolies

down at surfers

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th knobbies
on my
suspension
mountain unicycle

have gone off

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me and th young fella
my nephew
have decided to

go for a holy roller tyre

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she's breaking traction

un predictably

aroudn th posts

liek a normal uni

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instead of soakin it up in th spring

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"when th spring unloads"

i havent got any scars

didnt break any bones

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portishead
'all mine'
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"face plant into th bitumen"
i dont wear long trousers
on unpredictable

unicycles anymore ok

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"we usually go to long pants in th summer"
clown

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i'm not wearing bicycle clips paulie

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tiesto
'adagio for strings'
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was weird enough
running an

ancient bicycle dynamo light set

on th half bicycle beast

"weird off th mark"

and normal once yr rolling

"falling off th front of th wheel"

fall further

"compensation"

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th fly wheel effect

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it;s about
conquering fear

yr just a bit taller

than ya usually are

lean a little more forward

yr body thinks it;s falling

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all th time

free falling

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this guy today
in th flesh

couldnt see how
ya can ride a unicycle

up a hill

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i ride over mountains

thru bmx tracks and

drop over th rail

at th skatebowl

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pussie

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violent femmes
'36-24-36'
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and when sum cunt
askem em

where's yr other wheel ?

and think they;re funny

it;s up th arse of th last cunt who asked

u can have it next if ya like

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i'm sure he wont mind

if i remove it

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no respect

and then he wants a fucking trick

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nirvana
'about a girl'
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u do me a fucking trick

who;s th fuckin wizard here ?

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usually shuts em up

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can i do a bunny hop ?

"yes"

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will i do a bunny hop ?

"no"

"later bye"

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i'm not paid

not even remotely

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"bleep bleep"

"i dont need a horn"

"i was made with a voice box"

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if yr not on th edge

get out of th fucking road

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"why ?"

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who else is gunna pilot th starships ?

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"psychic mad cunts"

if th shoe fits

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kylie has got a nice bottom

but i'll be damned if i;d tell her

th same thing she's heard

a million fuckin times

gorgeous ankles

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george
'special ones'
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i'm goin to th pub
i'll be back sunday
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pirate jenny
'black - 009"

beeing together

the land surfer

[pronounced as always]
[The Kadaitchaman of Australia]

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p.s.

god gets th last word

synchronicity

though it may be

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jewel
'do you want to play ?'
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