19 September 2008 - Ice-T, Dwayne Wade, Shane Mauss, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
Conologue. The number of people using the Internet to search
for porn is down. Also, the number of liars is up. A survey of Britain
finds nine new kinds of problem drinkers; eight of them are Amy
Winehouse.

Favre in Madden '09 video game. 'I'm cold, I'm going to get a
sweater!'

Late Night Sausage Party.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog interviews Ralph Nader. Who did
you think? Is Nader going to stick with his Russian accent thing?
Insulting someone in 1982, try naming him Conan the Barbarian. Nader
stole posture of Mister Burns. Why not investigate adult toy industry?
This is even weirder than Nader's REAL ACTUAL NOT MADE UP campaign ad
where he romances a parrot. Nader's media: hippie Norm from Madison,
Wisconsin. Nader blows the roof off puppetry. ``I know you can't vote
because we discriminate against dogs.'' Gives Nader $5 to buy a new
suit; trouble getting the money off.

18 September 2008 - Anderson Cooper, Willie Nelson, Southside Johnny with LaBamba's Big Band.
Conologue. Conan fumbles a Jamie Lynn Spears joke; the stroke
does better. Whales with New York City accents.

Safety lecture. Guy who's 6 feet, 120 inches should climb out
the balcony. When Apes take over the world? Zombie follows
remote-control car with fresh brains, develop NBC fall lineup. Separate
exit plan for clever rhyming badger-man. Conan answers in rhyme.
That's really good.

Batman on obscenity-laden comic misprint. Superman's with him.
Conan can't believe the costume.

Anderson Cooper:
Hurricane reporting; helps some understand stupidity of staying.
Tell him when there's a guy in a chicken suit dancing. Tale about him
giving pregnant woman his business-class seat. Didn't do it, though.
Republican confetti: synthetic McCains. Oxygen tank. Endless campaign.
Annoying friends' e-mails.

17 September 2008 - Ray Liotta, Marc Maron, Loudon Wainwright III.
Conologue. Bush met cast of The Lion King (Broadway). Called
Simba his favorite African leader. Fidel Castro reported to have slept
with 35,000 women. He didn't want to grow a beard, he just never had
the time. A Washington Redskins player apologized for accidentally
posting a picture of his penis to the Internet; headine: Redskin Sorry
About Foreskin.

Invitation to Sarah Palin. Digitally alter voice to sound like
Gilbert Gottfried. Softball questions from LaBamba: What's up? What
else is up? Green room with pregnant teens. Hunt and kill the
Masturbating Bear.

The Women: Late Night Sausage Party again.

New State Quarters: Connecticut, proud of the Lieberhound.
Alaska, 2 1/2 weeks of national relevance. #1 in drilling.
Massachusetts: Leader in chowder-fuel technology. Rhode Island: where
George Bush thinks roads come from. Florida: where George Bush thinks
floors come from. LaBamba doesn't understand.

16 September 2008 - Martha Stewart, Harland Williams, Kasey Chambers & Shane Nicholson.
Conologue. Advisor claims McCain invented the Blackberry, which
he calls the fancy garage door opener. A Saudi Arabian religious leader
denounced Mickey Mouse as a tool of Satan; however, he had nothing but
good things to say about Goofy. Terrible LaBamba Acting: MTV shuts down
Total Request Live. No trombone music?

Lullaby.

Max's thoughts on Sarah Palin. She's sexy. (I still don't see
it.)

Martha Stewart:
Went to Poland. They hid from her. Iceland. Glaciers and
weird food smoked over cow dung. Deliberately rotted food. Little
ponies. Blogging. Popular entry: dog cleaning. Conan's outer makeup
layers wipe off, clean his teeth. She has her own mattress. They try
it out.

Back-to-school crafts. Book covers. Lunches: sushi for kids.
Conan glitters his and hides it in his jacket. Martha and Conan's
lockers. Chattering teeth. No mention of her MST3K ripoff.

15 September 2008 - Samuel L Jackson, Ricky Gervais, Marc Broussard.
Conologue. Brett Favre lost his first game with the New York
Jets; the other Jets said, this guy's really fitting in. Video: Palin
wearing 'OJ's Innocent' pin.

The Women: no men in it. Tonight's show: Sausage Party.

Googling with the STARS. Hillary Clinton wears pantsuits!
Audience trains Conan confusingly.

The Interruptor.

Samuel L Jackson:
Jackson's wax statue is outside. Autographed picture of wax.
People photograph it, don't notice him. Doesn't investigate weird
noises; sits in bed with gun cocked. Loves seeing himself in movies, on
TV.

Ricky Gervais:
Left Roosevelt Hotel: it's haunted. No. Inane interview;
asked, if your house was on fire and you could save three things, what?
One of the twins. He doesn't have twins. Salamander died. How can you
tell? Mermaids: bestiality? Fish head with legs, horrible. Blogs
worst pictures of him. Takes one of Conan.

It's tough to pick what's the night to watch this week. My
inclination is to the Martha Stewart show, though, in part because
she's probably there to promote her new little Mystery Science Theater
3000 ripoff. Via TV Barn, via the Trowbridges:

LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN, NBC
Mo 9/15: Samuel L. Jackson, Ricky Gervais, Marc Broussard
Tu 9/16: Martha Stewart, Harland Williams, Kasey Chambers & Shane
Nicholson
We 9/17: Ray Liotta, Loudon Wainwright III
Th 9/18: Willie Nelson, Southside Johnny with La Bamba's Big Band
Fr 9/19: Ice-T, Dwayne Wade, Shane Mauss

12 September 2008 - Eva Mendes, Luke Russert, the Fab Faux.
Joel sounds weird in the introduction. Conologue. Sarah Palin
interview. Max and LaBamba: Predatory Impregnating Sociopath.

Late Night Supercollider test: celebrity douchebags. Spencer
Pratt and Dog The Bounty Hunter. Closely watched by worldwide
douchebags Ryan Seacrest, Geraldo Rivera, Paris Hlton, Gene Simmons,
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. And Max.

Eva Mendes:
Text-messaging Conana. Times Square billboard. Does she feel
exposed? Google her? Went to hypnotist to cure road rage. No; fear of
spiders. They don't do 'you are getting sleepy'. Doesn't think she's
cured. While 'The Women' has no men in it, the plot is about men.

Conan's Diary. Eva Mendes can hear his thoughts; Conan tries
Spanish. Then German.

11 September 2008 - Serena Williams, Amy Sedaris, Meiko.
11 September 2008 - Serena Williams, Amy Sedaris, Meiko.
Conologue. New shot from behind the band. ``Direct attack on
Sarah Palin''.

Late Night Large Hardon Collider Small Talk Moment.

NCAA Football Mascots: University of Georgia Two-Face Mister
Peanut. New York University Brett Favre At The End Of This Season.
University of California Wi-Fi Hotspot Prospector. University of Alaska
Pregnant Teen Whose Baby Is Also Pregnant. Southern Methodist
University Copulating Promise Rings. George Washington University Sarah
Palin Versus Joe Biden Drunken Bar Fight.

Serena Williams:
Father says, `combination of pit bull, young Mike Tyson, and an
alligator'. Sometimes hides sister's breakfast, just kidding. Serena
loses her own tennis shoes. Venus excessively relaxed. Needed
confidence to wear sexy outfit Semi-nude for Jane magazine. Noise
while playing tennis doesn't help. In Beijing had matches at 1 am.

10 September 2008 - Curtis Jackson, Kaitlin Olson, Gym Class Heroes, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
Conologue. You can now download NBC TV shows through iTunes,
for only $1.99 each. They'll pay you $1.99 each. Guy in audience angry
at Obama.

Triumph at the Republican National Convention: Protesters.
Declaration of Independence as printed at Kinkos. Papier-mache heads.
Cop in 'mandals'? 'Cheney' reads The Onion. ``Come on out, the tear
gas is delicious!'' First Lady President. American Society for Larger
Fonts. In the 60s everyone would have been chanting this web site!
PETA. The pig: is this a fake arm so you can masturbate inside? Anyone
else want F Scott Fitzgerald to endorse your cause?

Curtis Jackson:
His album versus Kanye West's. West won domestic, Jackson
international. Bought Mike Tyson's old house. 40-person hot tub.
Doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, good for him. Shot at in the movie;
compares to real life? Robert DeNiro kicked him.

9 September 2008 - Keira Knightley, Tyler Perry, Bill Burr.
Conologue. Madonna created controversy dedicating 'Like A
Virgin' to the Pope. The Pope had requested 'Material Girl'. Jerry
Springer adopted a pig headed for the slaughterhouse; now it's just been
hit on the head with a chair. Max should try a bow tie and monocle some
night.

Noches de Pasion con Senor O'Brien. And Chuck Norris. Badly
dubbed. Two people go out the window by split-screening the stock
footage. An extra scoots out late.

Audience cards. Conan. Is #1. Well, Maybe Not #1. But He's
Up There. With Today's Entertainment Options. It's Hard To Compete.
YouTube. (Cat plays piano.)

Keira Knightley:
Doesn't notice being flirted. Blistex gives her world's most
perfect pout. Will she turn nudist? Conan's inhibited. Uncomfortable
shooting nude scenes. Don't laugh at men in bed. Corsets went away for
good reason. Tough eating. Impossibly high hair. Way too heavy.