God Rest Ye Vile Republicans: A Liberal Dose of Merry for a GOP Christmas
By Nick Paccione
Created Nov 14 2006 - 9:47am
Christmas is coming and the D.C. Carolers are preparing a list of songs to
honor the current inhabitants of Washington as they face their final days in
power. Some of the most beloved Christmas melodies will be sung from the
rooftops with new lyrics praising the accomplishments of Bush, Cheney, Rove
and their delightful pack of prison-worthy friends. Republican celebrities
and special guests will join in the festivities with outgoing members of the
Republican Congress that have been running our country for low these many
years.

Rush Limbaugh will open the show from the steps of the Hillbilly Heroin
Memorial with his latest stand-up comedy routine including an enchanting
imitation of people suffering from Parkinson's disease. The D.C. Christmas
Tree will be lit by Bill O'Reilly if he can get across town in time from his
self-appointed stint as the Three Wise Men at the National Cathedral. John
McCain, Rick Santorum, Bill Frist and Denny Hastert will don their gay
apparel and thrill the crowds on the Capitol steps with their Haley
Barbershop Quartet version of "Winter Blowhard Land."

Many of the holiday song lyrics are printed here for your enjoyment. From
the monuments to the museums and all along the mall--let the voices of truth
ring out in the spirit of the season. (All songs are to be performed by the
D.C. Carolers and Choir except where noted.)

IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE PRISON
(Sung to the tune of "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas")
It's beginning to look a lot like Prison
For the GOP;
Money laundering by Delay,
Foley is on his way
With pedophile charges they all say.
It's beginning to look a lot like jail time;
Polls are filled with pain.
And the thing that has done them in
Are elections they can't win
With their smear campaigns.
A pair of shackles for Duke with some manacle boots
That the warden says he must wear;
Lobbyists talk and walk Abmramoff's walk
With some bribes that Congress can share.
And Bush and Rove are standing by with lies that they've prepared.
It's beginning to look a lot like Prison
Everywhere they go;
Impeachment is coming soon; Cheney will face his doom.
And Denny Hastert wears a face of gloom.
It's beginning to look a lot like Prison;
More and more each day.
And the happiest sight to see
Are the shackles soon to be
There on Tom DeLay.

CHENEY'S HUNTING QUAIL IN YOUR TOWN
(Sung to the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")
You better lay low
You better not push
Better not gripe
Or criticize Bush--
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.
He's making a list,
That's "legal" to tap.
He aint puttin' up with no liberal crap.
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.
He hears you when you're talking!
He knows what's best for you!
If you don't see things his way--
Better change your point of view.
Oh, you better shut up
And lock your front door.
Better not speak
Or question the war.
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.
The thugs on Scooter's jail block
Will have a jubilee.
They're gonna treat him like their bitch
While his boss runs fancy free.
Oh, you better lay low
You better not push
Better not talk
Or criticize Bush
Cheney's hunting quail in your town.

McCAIN IS NO STRANGER
(Sung to the tune of "Away in the Manger")
McCain is no stranger
To right wing hijinks.
He says what the base wants
And not what he thinks.
A zero from NARAL
A kiss from our Lord
A prisoner for five years,
He still loves his wars.
He speaks to the nutjobs
Through Falwell sometimes.
His idea of science
Is Intel Design.
When Clinton was chief
We had McCain to thank
For votes of impeachment
And GOP pranks.
McCain is no stranger
To playing the game.
He speaks of his straight talk
And never lays blame.
When Rove and his cronies
Smeared John and his child.
He stumped for the Bush camp
In true lacky style.
He fights to keep minimum
Wages quite low.
More troops to Iraq
Is what makes this hawk crow.
You say you're a moderate
But that isn't true
When Kristol and Bauer are
Stumping for you.

Oh listen Lord Jesus
You must take a stand.
Keep John in A-zona
And stop his grand plan.
With folks who have voted
For morons like Bush,
A two-faced McCain
Will be easy to push.

THE RNC SONG
(Sung to the tune of "The Christmas Song--Chestnuts Roasting on an Open
Fire")
Constitution on an open fire
Agents tapping your home phone
New Orleans in a state that is dire
While Bush stays comfy in his home.
Everybody knows a pretzel and a virgin draft
Help to keep his spirit bright.
Carefree twins who should be in Iraq
Are wrestling in a bar tonight.
They know that Rove is on the job
Though he's run out of swift boat tactics to be lobbed.
And every born-again is gonna cheer
When Bill O'Reilly saves Christmas this year.
And so the rich will get more tax relief.
While cities crumble near your door.
And now they've been caught many times, many ways--
Time to show them the door.

HAVE YOURSELF A HALIBURTON CHRISTMAS
(Sung to the tune of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas")
Have yourself a Haliburton Christmas,
Let the contracts flow.
From now on, we'll all be raking in the dough.
Have yourself a Haliburton Christmas,
Make Iraqis pay.
From now on our profits will be here to stay.
Here we are making tons of loot,
While insurgents shoot--
Our troops.
Bush and friends who have never served
Use the Christians as--
Their dupes.
No bid contracts are our greatest blessing
They're a true cash cow
Endless profiteering Bush and Dick allow--
Unless the Democrats can somehow stop them now.

I SAW LAURA POPPING VICODIN
(Sung to the tune of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")
I saw Laura popping Vicodin
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She had to kill the pain
Knowing W's to blame;
For starting wars
And deficits like a frat boy playing games.
Then, I saw Laura have a shot or two
Cranking up her glazed and icy stare;
Oh, what a gift to kill the pain
From a husband that's so lame--
Laura popping Vicodin last night.

TONY SNOW! TONY SNOW! TONY SNOW!
(Sung to the tune of "Let it Snow")
Oh, the Middle East wars are frightful,
But the cash flow is delightful,
And since we've no morality
Let it be, let it be, let it be.
Terror doesn't show signs of waning,
And with fear we've been campaigning;
While Korea's arsenal grows;
Let it go, let it go, let it go.
Now we're finally spread too thin,
Fighting wars where we don't belong.
But if profits keep rolling in,
No one can say we were wrong.
Don Rumsfeld is finally leaving,
And, my dear, we won't be grieving,
While Bush denies "stay the course"--
No remorse, no remorse, no remorse.

DOBSON THE BROWN-NOSED CHRISTIAN
(Sung to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")
You know Ralph Reed and Swaggart
Pat Robertson and Falwell,
Limbaugh, Anne Coulter,
Santorum--all from hell.
But do you recall
The biggest Christian blow-hard of all?
Dobson the brown-nosed Christian
Had a scary point of view
Making a ton of money
Telling Christians what to do.
All of the other Christians
Turned to him for his advice.
They never seemed to notice
Dobson wasn't very nice.
Then one dark election eve
Rove had this to say:
"Dobson with your voice so big
Maybe we won't need to rig
This year's midterm elections.
We can win it with your fans.
Dobson the brown-nosed Christian
You'll make this a Christian land."

CHENEY THE ICE MAN
(Sung to the tune of "Frosty the Snow Man")
Cheney the ice man
Was a hawk who never served
And the liberals asked when he bombed Iraq
Where this villain gets his nerve.
Cheney the iceman
Is a quail hunter they say
But his friends have fear when he drinks his beer
That he might blow them away.
There must have been some big bucks for this oil man to claim
"Saddam has ties to this attack; let's make him take the blame."
Oh, Cheney the ice man
Loves to lie as you can see
And with Halliburton on his team
He's defrauding you and me.
Thumpetty thump thump,
thumpety thump thump,
Look at Cheney fight.
Thumpetty thump thump,
thumpety thump thump,
Saying torture is alright.

Cheney the ice man
Is obscene as he can be
Telling Patrick Leahy "fuck yourself"
Is this Christianity?
Out on a quail hunt
On a southern Texas ranch
Shooting crippled quail and his buddy too
Crying "Catch me if you can."
He led the way for Halliburton's war time profiteers
But don't you say his daughter's gay or Lynn will shed a tear.
Cheney the ice man
Is the VP we despise
With approval ratings in the teens
He must freshen up his lies.
Thumpetty thump thump,
thumpety thump thump,
Look at Cheney fib.
Thumpetty thump thump,
thumpety thump thump,
So frightening and so glib.

MY FAVORITE THINGS
(Performed by Bush's top Christian adviser, Ted Haggard)
Gay men with muscles who sell drugs illegal.
Preach about Jesus while living quite regal.
Stumping for Bush while disparaging gays
With crystal meth it all blurs to a haze.

Using church money for my gay massages.
Meeting my men in the posh Denver lodges.
Telling my wife I was praying in church;
Keeping my place on my self-righteous perch.

When I get hot
I might get caught.
But I'm not to blame.
I simply pretend Satan tempted my fate
And go on in Jesus' name.

GOD RID US OF REPUBLICANS
(Sung to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman")
God rid us of Republicans
Who cause us great dismay.
They're finally the minority
Since last Election Day.
They've started wars.
They're oil whores.
And now they have to pay.
With a liberal Pelosi in their way.
Now in their way.
A liberal Pelosi in their way.

Other highlights of the Christmas festivities will include:

"AVE SCALIA"--A solo sung in Latin by Judge Clarence Thomas.

"WHITE CHRISTMAS"--A very special rendition by Trent Lott and the KKK chorus
with added harmony by George "Macaca" Allen.

"OH LITTLE TOWN OF LOBBYISTS"--by Jack Abramoff

"SLEEP WELL LITTLE CHILDREN," "THE LITTLE DRUMMER PAGE"--a medley by Florida
Rep. Mark Foley.

"OH COME YE SELF RIGHTEOUS"--by Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson
and the Richard Land Singers

"ALL I WANT FOR XMAS (ARE THE CHARGES DROPPED)"--sung by Tom Delay with tap
dancing accompaniment by Scooter Libby

"I'LL BE HOME FOR XMAS"--by Donald Rumsfeld

"THE BLOSSOM'S OFF THE TURD"--by the Karl Rove Singers

"CHAFEE GOT RUN OVER BY ELECTIONS"--by the Rhode Island Rockettes

"BABY JESUS TOLD ME TO SHOOT YOU"--by Charlton Heston and the NRA Christian
Choir.

A sincere Christmas wish for our troops all over the world and to everyone
suffering because of the injustices committed by the Bush administration:
Merry Christmas! Stay safe. Help is on the way. God bless us, every one!
_______
Nick Paccione

--
NOTICE: This post contains copyrighted material the use of which has not
always been authorized by the copyright owner. I am making such material
available to advance understanding of
political, human rights, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues. I
believe this constitutes a 'fair use' of such copyrighted material as
provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright
Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107

"A little patience and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their
spells dissolve, and the people recovering their true sight, restore their
government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are
suffering deeply in spirit,
and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public
debt. But if the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have
patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning
back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at
stake."
-Thomas Jefferson