The President Wants a War with Bigger Tits

By Steve Young
Created Jan 17 2007 - 9:44am

While Fox New and the far-right Lords of Loud took aim at the important news
at the Senate Hearings - namely Barbara Boxer telling Condaleezza Rice that
either of them might not suffer through the war that someone with a kid over
there would - they completely ignored what Rice suggested that President
Bush really had in mind.

Sending additional troops into Iraq is not intended as a escalation. Rather
she would call it "an augmentation."

Augmentation. Now that made a hell of a lot more sense than sending more
soldiers into a growing quagmire. And it's also something most guys would
buy and women will understand. Not like, but have experiential familiarity
with.

You see, sometimes, when a President hits the big 6-0 he has a life-changing
itch. Past wars he's lived with tend to get boring. Maybe they put on a
little weight. Perhaps they lose a bit of luster as the taut buttocks and
breasts lose their battle with gravity. And while you wake up every morning
next to the same old war (and war-horse), you are besieged by younger and
more erogenous wars splashed across the pages of "Soldier of Fortune" or on
Fox News, outfitted in those tight belly-baring tops and derriere-crack
revealing shorts that the younger wars are wearing today..

Most shallow war-mongers would toss aside their old war like you toss out
thousands of men and women who have died in a wrongheaded President's
pursuit of a disastrous foreign policy. I mean, what lame duck President
wouldn't rather have a trophy war to show to all his rich neocon friends?
But President Bush is far more isn't your run of the mill Republican skirt
chaser. The man is loyal to his war. He doesn't leave a war just because
it's gotten a little crusty around the edges or a few more hairs are showing
on the upper lip. No, this president has refused to leave his longtime Iraqi
war even though she now tends to put out a fetid odor she once held back
during their pre-war courtingship. But since he does have the extra billions
that for some reason don't affect the Federal budget, his thought is, why
not spruce up the old battle and her ax?

That's why this president has chosen augmentation over ending his five-year
relationship with the war in Iraq. With the president's strategy and poll
numbers sagging down to just above its knees, pulling up the old bosom back
up to its earlier and more supple days keeps both the president and his war
nipples erect.

Certainly the President's approach is a more decent and honest approach than
the Democrats who always promise withdrawal. Sure, and the check is in the
mail..

Still, aging wars would be wise to make every effort to keep their
relationship with those who brought them to the dance, because no matter
what the President says, things could change tomorrow. Temptation could
always raise its sensual head and looking into the next yard could entice
even the most seemingly loyal suitor.

Afterall, tell me a war with Iran doesn't have an ass you could eat off of.
_______

About author Steve Young is an award-winning television writer and failed
talk-show host who authored "Great Failures of the Extremely Success"
www.greatfailure.com [1]

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"A little patience and we shall see the reign of witches pass over, their
spells dissolve, and the people recovering their true sight, restore their
government to its true principles. It is true that in the meantime we are
suffering deeply in spirit,
and incurring the horrors of a war and long oppressions of enormous public
debt. But if the game runs sometimes against us at home we must have
patience till luck turns, and then we shall have an opportunity of winning
back the principles we have lost, for this is a game where principles are at
stake."
-Thomas Jefferson