The newest edition of The Destroyer is due out on July 29. I was able to
get an advance copy and here is my take on the book.
THE NEW DESTROYER: KILLER RATINGS
Kitty Coughlin-Anchor of the BCN Evening News who has terrible ratings.
Uriah Maddox-Producer of the Evening News at The Diamond Network. He had
been in the sports division at the network until he fancied a certain
quarterback who happened to be the nephew of the network president.
Ramon Albondigas-Chapter 2 target that Smitty sends Remo after but Remo has
another target that he wants to throw into the mix. Albondigas is head of
the La Cocina drug cartel. He comes to the US for surgery and Remo is sent
after him. Remo calls him Prune Face.
Bicycle Bandit-Remo's other target in chapter 2. He is a mugger who has been
terrorizing old ladies in Miami.
Cheeta Ching-Yep, she is still around and makes a showing in this story. She
has become infamous for her stunt of singing on and falling off of a piano.
Daisy O'Toole-Alleged comedienne, former talk show host and actress who
hates Kitty because Kitty would not go out with her. She once attacked Rich
Statler, former star of Colt, Private Eye, because he is in the NRA. She
also pretended to have a crush on Cal Tracy, superstar and Poweressence
member. Later becomes part of The Scenery TV show, produced by Gail Meadows,
the octogenarian newswoman. She believes 9/11 was an inside job done by the
president and vice-president. She has a very nice website, though. (heh heh
heh) Internet screen name, DaisyDuke69.
Calvert Stuart and Edward Nole-Airling workers who allowed the hijackers on
Mr. Herschel Steinmetz-Owner of Steinmetz Rugs and Remnants of Weehawken,
the place where the body of a hijacker is found.
Arthur Welt-Vice-president public relations of the Weltsburg Coal and Mining
Company of Weltsburg, PA.
Noah Sherman and Wayne Dwyer-Coal mine bombers. Online names Noah Man's Land
and WayneThePain8. (was the third man named?)
Orville Wilbur Feldon-Alias WingerDinger, the internet king who is able to
make others do his bidding by internet threats on such things as a Buffy the
Vampire Slayer message board or a Battlestar Galactica board, Amazon.com
iBay. (two separate thoughts here - he trolls on the message boards; his
threats have more to do with damaging their iBay ratings?)
Mrs. Feldon-His mother and smoker of Cheyenne Lights.
Robert Standrill Eaglemeyer-Former ship captain who slammed an oil tanker
into Chignik Bay but who becomes a hero of sorts when he saves the Carousal
Cruise ship that Kitty is on.
Chico Ramirez-Leader of the L.A. Casas street gang.
Konrad Scheissenhauser-Former action movie star turned governor of
California. Remo recalls he made movies about a robot who couldn't be killed
and says it reminded him of Mr. Gordons. Starred in Pre-School Policeman, I
Married a Nerd, and Killbot4: Kill or Be Bot.
Jorge Alvarado-Huge gangmember.
Clarence Wenthall-Former BCN news anchor, only mentioned in the book.
Another former anchor is mentioned as having been found in a Bed, Bath, and
Beyond restroom in El Paso asking "what's the frequency?".
Edward Nole-LaGuardia - security officer.
Remo taps his fingers on the stucco covering of a house to break off large
sheets of the covering to get to the bricks underneath.
A Rottweiler guard dog sniffs the air while Remo is near and gulps a
frightened snort of air.
Remo can't remember what a PIN number is called and calls it a PUN or PON or
Remo whistles the Mexican Hat Dance. I guess this was a leftover from his
border patrol days.
Chiun gets his Judge Ruth autographed photo. It joins his photos of Rad Rex
and Cheeta, for a while anyway.
Throughout the book Chiun berates Remo for caring for the elderly except for
his own father.
Remo voices his pride in Smitty after Smitty leaves the room of course. He
says he would worry less about the country if it would produce more men like
All Americans are white according to Chiun.
Remo Welch alias, from Homeland Security
Remo and Chiun see a photo of the Andy Rooney of BCN. Chiun recognizes him
and says the imbecile always speaks of toothpaste and paper towels
Remo and Chiun can tell one of the hijackers was coerced into doing the
hijacking when they see his eyes on videotape.
Lots of references to computers and the internet in the book. MyTube, IBay,
(which Remo calls Ibbidy-bibbiby-bay), AIC, America Internet Connection
Mark is showing increasing concern about Smith's age. He has even caught
Smitty napping in his chair at Folcroft.
He does think Smith could have another 10 years of productivity if he takes
it easy. Part of Mark's concern is a bit selfish. Mark does not relish the
idea of taking over CURE when Smitty does leave.
Remo finds himself feeling sorry for Kitty at times.
Remo stomps on a hill to find hollow places where a tunnel will be found.
Once in the mine Remo stands in total darkness and uses his Sinanju
abilities to "see" the world around him.
Remo calls internet mail i-mail, when Smitty corrects him he replies "don't
OverNite Express is used when it has to be there over night.
Mark drinks an double caffeinated cola to keep his energy up.
Mark has color coded alerts that come over his computer.
Mark's intuitive ability makes him able to see what others cannot. His
siblings would not assemble jigsaw puzzles with him as children because Mark
could do a whole puzzle in no time.
Remo sports a dark green T-shirt with his tan chinos.
Remo gets some truth from Maddox by inventing the game of Oopsie. He dangles
him over the edge of a building by his ankle. He asks questions. If the
questions are answered satisfactorily, he doesn't drop him. Maddox later
makes a game show out of it. Chiun is going to help Remo get his residuals,
for a fee, of course.
Remo offers to take out all 3 major network anchors since it worked for
Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper.
Chiun orders Japonica rice and salmon.
Chiun tells a story of how he once took pity on a woman of his village who
everyone said was wicked and lazy. He took her for his wife and found out
the villagers were correct.
Remo and Chiun are aware of all the sounds that come to their ears, but
their brains prioritize the information so that a threat to life will not be
The LA police are afraid to use any force to stop a riot for fear of being
The New L.A. Riots is what the media called the event but for some reason
the TV network had a cartoon sword slicing through the letters. This sounds
Chiun recalls that Moses caused trouble for Pharaoh Rameses. Sinanju had
been in the employ of Rameses but not at the time of Moses or else the
trouble would have been dealt with.
There is a book called Myths of Ancient Asia mentioned here that has an
entry for Sinanju. I would like to have a copy.
A mention is made of celebrities who think the world's problems could be
solved by limiting people to one sheet of toilet paper per bowel movement.
Other celebrities mentioned are Callie Mae Angus, former Playboy model who
Od'd, London Forsythe, hotel heiress who went to jail for drunk driving, and
B.O. Anson, footballer and wife murderer.
During one conversation between Mark and Smitty, Mark mentions that "it's
not like anybody has an earthquake machine" and Smitty just looks at him. So
I guess Smitty hasn't told Mark about all of Remo's missions.
Part of the book takes place in New Orleans and thank goodness for all of
those unused school buses.
Num-num, eat 'em up.
You're in a lot of trouble, Fishie.
It is well established that Remo would forget his own big feet if they were
not attached to his gangly legs
How can you tell when a Master of Sinanju is scamming you? His lips are
How can you tell when he's not scamming you? He's dead.
You are a sneaky and manipulative man.
I learned from the best.
She looks like she just ate a raw baby for lunch.
This isn't exactly Santa's Happy-Time Christmas Village.
This woman with the face that does not move is unpleasant even by white
Lady, we're not idiots.
We, white man?
I doubt could get the odor out of my precious kimonos.
Silk does tend to soak up the stink of rotting flesh.
I was talking about New Jersey.
Haven't you been watching TV?
Not since they cancelled Bonanza.
Civilized nations used to put their lunatics in asylums. America puts them
in front of television cameras.
If you start singing Ol' Man River, I am calling Jesse Jackson.
Dumb as a cabbage
Maybe you should have stuck to interviewing George C. Looney about the evils
Ibay? Is that pig Latin, Onkeyday Umsgay?
We are assassins not gophers
Hi-diddly-ho, neighborino (BTW, do you watch The Simpsons?)
I knew I should've taken that right turn at Albuquerque.
Coal is good, sort of like you. A diamond waiting to happen.
Just go on those computers of yours and find me somebody to whack.
That's how Barnaby Jones used to do it.
Let's go, Mary.
The mind rules the body, but fear rules the mind.
Fear keeps a man always a child.
In fear is born a fool's courage.
All 3 come from Remo as he searches for the right quote and then says he isn't
good at quotes.
Do not lecture me about food, you who would still be drinking coffee,
stirred with beef jerky and washed down with squid juice had I not
intervened on behalf of your stomach.
Get it in a doggy bag, Wilberforce.
She's got as much sex appeal as a dead raccoon under the Christmas tree.
We followed the wrong facelift. Joan Rivers says hi.
The stool was a nice touch, Gray Davis would've just bored them to death.
Daisy jumped on the opportunity as if it were a bag of Double-Stuff Oreos.
Hold your ground, Mister Sissypanties
Why is everything always so complicated (asked by Remo as he kept
accidentally hanging up a cell phone)
That's the biz, sweetheart.
Lok-Hoo was offered a chance to buy Ireland at a discount after doing some
work for the English crown. Lok-Hoo thought it was just a ruse to get the
Master to clean it up so that England could get it back later so he passed
on the deal.
The Hindenburg did not just blow up. Chiun says they were paid handsomely
and tells remo to remind him to tell the story someday. It had to do with
the family of a Prussian countess. There were gypsies and horses, too.
Someone is setting up disasters all around the country, wherever Kitty
Coughlin seems to go. Remo and Chiun have to find out why and who.
Such a fun book this is. It is so reminiscent of the good old days in
Destroyer land. If this is indeed the last one ever published then it is a
good one to end on. If more do come at some future date then this is just
another great one in a long line.