On Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:45:06 -0400, Ensign Lord Admiral Robert Thomas
Alouisious Chatterton, The African Explorer
wrote:
>
>In alt.flame.jesus.christ, Father Haskell spake thusly...
>
>> On Jul 11, 6:16 pm, Velvet Elvis
noplace.org> wrote:>>> On Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:42:40 -0400, Ensign Lord Admiral Robert T. Chatterton
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>>Guy takes magic cracker. People threaten to kill him or at least send
>>>>him to hell.
>>>
>>>
>>>>...but wait, there's more:
>>>
>>>>Guy frightened by death threats returns magic cracker; church assholes
>>>>say it's a hate crime!
>>>
>>>
>>>>P Z Myers says it's just a goddamn cracker!
>>>
>>>
>>> "Look at those bloody Muslims, getting pissed off about a little cartoon of
>>> moh... HEY! WHERE'S OUR FRIGGIN' CRACKER????!!!! BRING IT BACK YOU BASTARD
>>> OR YOU'RE A DEAD MAN!!!
>>
>> Fuck's sake, they didn't get this upset by that scene
>> in The Exorcist.
>
>When I went to my First Communion I made sure to get the cracker in my
>mouth in a way that it would not get wet. I made sure that my mouth was
>good and dry also. When got back to the pew with my friends I whipped it
>out of my mouth so we could all get a look at what this thing was that
>they were making such a fucking big deal about. It looked like a piece
>of goddamn cardboard to me - and the guys that ate theirs said that's
>what the thing tasted like. Some guys pulled theirs out half melted to
>show around. Obviously we didn't take Communion very seriously.
>
>Hey, I've wondering how I could get myself officially excommunicated.
>I'd live to have a nice letter from Rome to proudly hang on my wall.
>Maybe kidnapping a holy cracker would get the job done. I wouldn't
>chicken out like the college kid did. He was a believer anyway...
The Catholic Church, in an effort to boost lagging attendance, are testing out
Cool Ranch, BBQ, Salt & Vinegar, and Jalapeno flavored Body o' Christ wafers.
Christianity:
The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you
live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and
telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master,
so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is
present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced
by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Makes perfect sense.
