"> >>>
>>>> We've only got a couple of more weeks till Christmas!! Best be fast!
>>>> (>: Phyllis
>>>
>>>
>>> I've got an idea for a start of a book:-
>>>
>>> In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet
>>> hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry,
>>> bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was
>>> a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
>>>
>> He sat in his favourite rocking-chair, smoking his favourite pipe,
>> sipping a large measure of brandywine, and humming a little contented
>> song to himself. "Pom, pom, de POM pom pom", it went, and at every
>> "p" a perfect smoke ring ascended from the charred and gnarled bowl
>> of his pipe, and rolled lazily to the ceiling.
>> Suddenly he sat up and looked around him. Scratching his neck, he
>> tried to work out what had roused him. A smell? A sound? No. Ah, that
>> was it, a LACK of sound; the birds had stopped singing, the mice had
>> stopped rustling in the skirting, and even his rocking-chair runners
>> had ceased their comforting creak.
>> Then a man in a suit came with a paper, and fixed it with zip-ties to
>> the nearest tree. He nailed other papers to the village notice-board,
>> and slid further copies under all the front doors in Hobbit Town.
>>
> Now, it happened that the Hobbit in the hole was Mr Bulbo Boggart, and it
> happened that Bulbo was the only hobbit who knew how to read, so he also
> knew that very soon all his friends and relations would be knocking on his
> round wooden door to find out what the paper said. Being a sociable
hobbit,
> he put on the kettle and prepared to welcome them in. He walked to his
door,
> picked up the notice that was lying on his mat, and propping the door open
> so that no-one need knock, he returned to his arm-chair and settled down
to
> read.
>
> Shortly it seemed that all the hobbits in the village were gathered in
> Bulbo's sitting room, sipping tea, and puffing away on their pipes.
> "Now then, Uncle Bulbo," said his nephew Fraudo, "won't you tell us what
all
> these papers mean?"
> "I have sad news to relate" replied Bulbo.
> "This notice is signed by Toe Nibbler, the Great Monster in the
Southlands.
> It says that as of next Saturday night, pipe smoking is banned throughout
> the kingdom."
> A loud gasp went up amongst the assembled company, for pipe smoking was an
> essential accompaniment to almost everything that a hobbit did.
> "What did he say"? shouted Deffo.
> "PIPES BANNED!" yelled several of his nearest companions.
> "Oh good!" exclaimed Deffo, incongruously, "I like a good Pipe Band",
> wherewith he started to sing. And what a sound he made! The melody he sang
> was "Hobbit Town the Brave", which he executed (yes) in a high whine down
> his nose, accompanying himself with whooshing noises of the lips, and a
low
> intermittent drone which appeared to come from his trouser regions.
> "Wehh, wehh wu wherr wherr whu wherr,
> bssh, wehh wu wherr wherr whu wherr,
> PHRRumph, wehh wu wherr wherr whu wherr,
> EEEEEEEEEEEk!!", the latter being the sound made by a hobbit being sat
upon.
> It is a little known fact that old hobbits do not die, they merely evolve
> slowly into bagpipes. Old Deffo was almost there.
>
> Chapter 2 In the Beginning.
>
> In the beginning the world floated in space, fully formed but dark, so
dark,
> and cold as the grave. Then in the black sky a pinpoint of light appeared.
> The ancient race of giants who were the only inhabitants of the world in
> those days saw the light, and strained towards it, but no matter how they
> strained the light got no bigger, nor any brighter. There was in those
days
> a tree so high that it pierced the clouds, and a herd of aurochs so large
> that the ground trembled as they passed, even though they be on the other
> side of the world, so you can imagine the amounts they were passing;
surely
> even more of it than this tale! So the curious giants captured three
> aurochs and harnessed them to the tree. They then captured three more
which
> they sacrificed to their gods, then tanned the aurochs' hides, which were
> next cut into strips and plaited into a brown cord to make a whip. They
> goaded the harnessed aurochs with this whip, and thus the world was drawn
> towards the light, which is the sun.
> The giants and the aurochs died out long ago, but the brown cord whip
> survived, and has been handed down throughout the ages. It is said that
with
> one blow it can remove up to forty percent of the skin from a man's body.
> Known in the old tongue as the "Cordon Brun", it had for many years been
in
> the possession of Toe Nibbler, and was the source of his power.
>
> Chapter 3 The Two Towels.
>
> The ancient leather workers who made the whip had also left two more items
> which had survived from time immemorial; the Two Towels, one grey from
> wiping their brows in the sweaty heat of the tannery, and one a pristine
and
> shining white, which had never been used. Both held awesome power, and
with
> one flick either towel could destroy the world.
> Toe Nibbler owned the white one. Toe Nibbler was named thus because he was
> ineffectual but irritating. Nevertheless, with the aid of the Cordon Brun
> and the White Towel he had clawed his way to the seat of power in the
> Southlands, and as Lord of the White Towel he held sway over most of the
> Land.
> In a land far away over the sea lived another lord, Lord Djidubya of the
> Unfortunate Mouth, who secretly wished to own both towels of power. An
evil
> lord of the East had claimed to hold the soiled towel. Lord Saddaman was
his
> name, and Lord Djidubya with the help of Toe Nibbler had gone hunting for
> the Grey Towel. They found Lord Saddaman hiding in a hole in the ground,
> pretending to be a humble hobbit, and for this reason they had come to
> despise hobbits. But they didn't find the towel, which thereafter was
spoken
> of only by it's initials; WMD, Wiper of Mass Destruction.
>
> (There's more, lots more, I can feel it. Forgive.)
> --
>
>
> Martin Bulmer
More, More!!! (>:
Phyllis
>
>
>
>
>
